To have felt very down yesterday - but am pleased with some of the effects of it?

[DoncasterHun]

Someone hurt me on Friday night in an emotional way - with words.

I spent the entirety of yesterday being non contactable to people and crying bitterly on my own - Ignoring messages .

Thing is - and I don’t blame anyone for judging me on this - yesterday morning I was gonna commit the heinous and unforgivable crime of posting a very attention seeking post on Facebook Think along the lines of tagging in a&e for emotional impact but not actually tagging in a & e - if you see what I mean.

However, reader, you’ll be very pleased to know that I didn’t. I thought through it - that if I did this I’d just be someone who wants others’ validation and if I didn’t do it .. people would see me as more independent - so I talked myself out if it on a rational basis.

But thing is - I’m a people pleaser - and find it hard to say no without feeling guilty abd letting that guilt affect me. After Friday - I find it a bit easier. On Saturday I was so unhappy with everything I took myself off to the nearest beach resort - Hunstanton - just to get away from everyone.

I’ve balanced out a bit today - mood wise - but I’m proud that in a way that I feel much more able to draw a boundary if I want to.

Let’s face it, many of us struggle with people pleasing - even as grown adults. It’s an emotional reaction which is hard to shake off. So if I feel guilty saying no in future - I’ll just say to myself I need to channel the ‘Hunstanton’ effect - and remember how I felt yesterday!

I hope this has helped at least one person today.

I’m not quite sure what your post is about, but well done on taking care of yourself. A beach day is always a good idea, something about the sea can be very calming.
I hope you’re okay and take care of yourself going forwards.

I don't really understand why you'd tag A&E (can it even be tagged?) but well done on finding a healthier way to deal with your hurt.

I've also been very badly hurt by a (now former) close friend this last week so I sympathise with how you've been feeling. Keep up the self-care, it helps.

It’s about having the experience of feeling very down after something hurtful was said to you but using this feeling to be more assertive with others - something many of us struggle with

Ah I didn’t tag A/E and never have

Se, you've just made me think about how I've matured even in to my thirties and now forties. I used to get really really stressed over things and feel terrible for days etc.... Now? I just tell myself that yes, it feels huge right now, and I'll feel terrible for a day or so, but afterwards it will fade and it won't be important at all. That sense of perspective has stopped me making a tit of myself - which I used to do when I was younger and would massively overshare every drama as it happened. Well done you!

She is not saying she would tag a and e, she is saying her post would have been the equivalent of someone posting that they are in a and e for attention.

Thank you I really appreciate that !

I know you didn't but you're reference to it didn't make sense

It did make sense

Your post made sense to me OP. Well done! Especially if you can take it forward. Stopping people pleasing is hard.

Thank you for explaining and again, well done on taking care of yourself in a positive way!

Thank you and you’re SO right!!

Stopping people pleasing is v hard and if people pleasing wasn’t an issue - I think at least 50% of the Mumsnet threads would be instantly removed imo!!

I really do think that the majority actually of Mumsnet threads in one way or another are about people pleasing

the cause in my case if it is I was called selfish and spoilt for not going along with other people