SIL is a habitual cheater

[Anon242308]

AITA for not wanting a relationship with my SIL for cheating on her second husband after doing the same to her first? My SIL is a very manipulative attention seeker. She's 37 and on her second divorce. My husband is always trying to get me to do things that involve spending time with her but I don't like her as a person and never have. I tolerate her for the sake of my husband and all the kids. She has 2 kids from her marriage that's about to end and I adore them. She ended her current marriage and is now in a serious relationship with a man she met at work. She's trying to make out it happened after they'd split but there's clearly and overlap. She met her last husband at the gym while still married to her first husband. Again that was clearly a relationship while she was still in a committed relation with her first husband. She's painted herself as the victim in both these relationships but both were good men. She has my MIL running about constantly taking care of her kids, even more so now to spend time with her new man. My MIL has a lot of health problems.We don't share the same morals or values and she's a classic narcissist but I feel like her family are blinded to what she's really like. Her last husbands family disowned him because of the way she treated them and a few of my close friends have met her and took and instant dislike to her. My husband can't see what's wrong with her and is pushing for me to go and visit her and I just can't bear being in her company. I do make a point to see her kids and spend time with them and really enjoy having them stay over with our kids from time to time. I've said to my husband I'm happy to tolerate her at family gatherings and stuff but I don't really want any sort of relationship with her. It causes arguments sometimes and I get frustrated that my husband and my in laws take get suckered into her whole 'poor me' victim act.

Stand your ground, she sounds vile. Make your boundaries clear to your husband.

What makes your husband think he gets to dictate you your friends are? Did that, life’s too short.

Everytime he suggests you go visit her just say “no thank you”. Rinse and repeat.

I had a SIL like that. She'd kick my brother out, stay in the home with their children and brother continued to pay bills for his children's sake. The boyfriend would move on, and my brother forgave her twice and tried again. I couldn’t stomach her. Vile creature.

The third affair was with a married man and broke his family up and my brother gave up on her for good but continued to support his children. Cost him most of his money and he rented whilst she claimed the family home. Had a great relationship with his children though. As adults they both realised their mum wasn't great and one fell out with her.

Strange woman. Totally selfish and drlf serving whilst maintaining victim status throughout.

Your DH has no say in how or with whom you spend your time.
His family are clearly habituated to putting her first.
Your MiL could quite easily say no but chooses not to. Her choice.
Grey rock your DH if it helps.

Exactly.

My husband can't see what's wrong with her and is pushing for me to go and visit her

I dont want to go see her, i dont like her, i dont like her character, her morals and i dont want to be around her, cheating multiple times? He's quite welcome to go. I'm staying well clear.

I should mention that the current man was married and the wife had her suspicions about them a while back but they always maintained they were just work colleagues and friends. My MIL recently met him and explained she was going to meet her 'new partner' I corrected her and said she told us about him in January and by that point all their kids had met each other and they were staying with each other frequently so not really 'new' is it. It's almost as if she was trying to distract from the obvious overlap of thr marriage ending and new relationship beginning. But she is golden girl and can do no wrong whilst my husband has always been an after thought. Unless they need a favour from him of course.

I wouldn't want a relationship with such a person either, husband's sister or not. Her family know full well what she's like and that her behaviour is poor. They turn a blind eye, because it's easier to do that, than confront her. Unfortunately, all it does is enable her behaviour because she knows it won't matter what she does or how she treats them, they'll always stick by her. Other than a divorce, there's no other consequences for her, is there. She probably becomes 'bored' with the relationships because it's no longer exciting. She's seeking that rush of 'feel good' hormones, that we all get at the start of the relationship. Then the normal hum drum of life kicks in, and she loses interest, so off she goes looking for the next excitement fix. Sadly, she'll just continue this pattern forever more. You need to stick to your guns, why should you have a friendship with your SIL if you don't want too. Nothing stopping your husband visiting her, by why should you have to put up with her!!!