How long do you attend family events for?

[OrangeChips1]

We went to a family event that was 4 hours, lots of people. We enjoyed the event, helped serve, chatted to guests etc. We stayed back to help clear up load the cars etc. Then said our goodbyes. My FIL was hurt we weren't going over to theirs. He asked me (3 times) and I said no - it's been a long day. He then asked my husband (twice).

I'm new to setting boundaries and I understand that I get to set them but don't get to choose how the other person feels about them. But I find it really hard...keep seeing the hurt/angry look on his face in my mind.

My question is...AIBU to have wanted to go home after 5 hours there? (The journey is an hour also there and back again).
I just wanted to be in my own space to unwind. If we'd gone over we'd have had to stay for long enough for DC to have dinner which felt like the day was stretching too far, or literally go in for 10 mins and go home which seemed a bit pointless.

The reason I feel AIBU is the complete lack of comprehension on FILs face and also some people did go over to theirs afterwards so it clearly didn't feel like a long day to everyone.

(I do feel like my FIL was BU by asking more than once but that's not what this thread is about)

He would have gone out of duty/expectations but was glad we didn't because he already had a headache and felt dehydrated and wanted to be in his own space.

Depends on the event and how much we like said family members 😂
But no, he's being unreasonable pestering for you to go there after a long day anyway

Did you actually get to spend anytime just speaking with him? Or was it very full on everyone. I think it is lovely he wants to spend more time with you arrange to go next weekend?

It’s absolutely fine for you to say no and go home. It sounds like a long day and going back to FILs house would have been much longer than a cup of tea!

FIL has forgotten how tiring it is to drive small children to an event and then have to get them all back into their routine when you get home. No doubt you’re working and want some time to relax after the week you’ve had and prepare for the week ahead. Nothing worse than going into a new week on the back foot!

You did nothing wrong and personally I wouldn’t make up reasons to leave. I’d simply say, we’ve had a lovely day, we’re leaving now as we have a long drive home and need to get the kids to bed. Big hug. Leave.

Yeh I think this is the thing. Had we gone over it would have been at least an hour, probably 2, and then driving home and trying to wind DC down and get them to bed would have felt too much.

No it was full on, but I sort of expected that we wouldn't get much time to catch up, but were serving together. I guess he hoped we would catch up later, whereas I'd have made a follow up visit to see them as you suggested.

I like them! But generally 4-5 hrs is my limit with people even my best friends. It's not so much the company, although I am an introvert I can find time at family events to just start off into space, it's the "we've been sitting loads and I feel like I need to move"...if we all start moving to go for a walk or do the washing up I don't mind so much.

Two hours for me. I’m single and childless and just get talked over so I do the bare minimum and then tap out.

His life is probably less time consuming than your life.
He needs to consider the difference.
Yanbu, enough is enough.