Not disabled enough to access Hyde Park Concerts

[Tiredalwaystired]

I’m supposed to be taking my daughter to see Olivia Rodrigo at Hyde Park in a couple of weeks. I had spinal surgery a while back which has weakened my lower back and makes it very hard to stand for hours at a time although I can manage day to day as long as I sit at regular intervals . At previous outdoor concerts I’ve taken a shooting stick (like a walking stick with a built in seat) as I dont have the requisite paperwork for the disability seats so can’t access the disabled area, and I’ve coped OK with that work around.

I’ve just seen in their terms that shooting sticks are banned as they are considered “dangerous”. I now don’t know what to do. Without regular breaks on the pressure on my back I’ll be in agony after a couple of hours and I really don’t think I can attend. I certainly wouldnt be enjoying it by the time she came on stage, that’s for sure. This is my daughter’s Christmas present from me and we have been so excited.

AIBU to think that this policy is harming people that actually need that sort of support and they are discriminating against people like me who need some support in some scenarios but not in all scenarios? I feel I’m being penalised for not being disabled enough. It’s really upset me. Their helpline offered no guidance.

@Tiredalwaystired My Dd is not going to school that day so can make the most of it. I spoke to the school and they said absolutely not no way would it be allowed and they couldn’t condone it but (under breath) call in sick lucky girl!

I mean this kindly, but you are discovering how hard society is going to make it for you from hereonin. You really don't need to make it any harder for yourself that it is going to be.

I've known lots of people who aren't "disabled enough" for a wheelchair who eventually started using one. Mainly because it's protection against either falling or being knocked. It's also the clearest signal to the world that you may need extra space and time. And even then not everyone will recognise that.

Sorry for your experience - I can assure you that you are not alone and not the first which is very cold comfort.

It is enormously frustrating and in a sensible world you would be able to choose the mobility aid that best meets your needs. I wonder if you have ever considered using a rollator with a built in seat? You can get very lightweight models; and it is clearly a mobility aid

I have arthritis and have had periods where standing is hard, I've always found venues to be accommodating. Similarly, my DH broke his leg and we had to ask last minute about access for theatre tickets and a sports event - people were great.

I've always found if you ask that people are mostly kind and want to help find a solution.

How embarrassing. Bet your parents said the same about whatever you listened to as a teen. Olivia's music is as real as any other artists, it's okay to just not like music without acting all high and mighty! I've seen many 'real artists' like Noel / Liam Gallagher multiple times, DMAs, the enemy, my chemical romance, the libertines and last year, I went to Taylor Swifts eras tour. All as much real music as the other. I would love to see Olivia too.

I sure get it even if many others don’t.

I understand it too OP, but I really think you're cutting off your nose to spite your face by giving your ticket to someone else to take your DD rather than borrowing a wheelchair. Not everyone with a disability needs a wheelchair ALL the time, for example, I am disabled, and don't need my wheelchair around the house, but would definitely need, and use it, in a situation like this. I also have days when I'm better than others, on those occasions I try not to use it, as I don't want to lose what little capability I have, so sometimes I'm seen pushing my manual wheelchair, so that I have it for when pain takes over, whereas other days I need to use my electric wheelchair because I can't walk at all.

In this case I tried - I’ve posted the venue response further up this thread. The answer was no.

Thank you. If any one of these people who suggest just take a wheelchair could spend a day in my shoes they would change their tone quickly. I am mostly NOT disabled - I just need a small adapt. Why should I have to lug a massive wheelchair across London which is quite frankly a much bigger hazard than my stick when what I NEED is the stick? Why does everyone think this is a more reasonable adjustment that just my stick which would give me more freedom flexibility? Where I dont have to worry about where to leave a damn borrowed wheelchair when we need the loo? Where I won’t get the guaranteed dirty looks when I get up and dance (for a few minutes) because people think I shouldt be able to?

My mother was in a wheelchair and she found she was ignored by so many people. Why would I put myself through that on what is supposed to be a fun day out? None of that is fun.

I'll just pick you up on the idea you can just "borrow" a wheelchair. It's hard enough to get one provided by your local health authority. Just in my local FB group alone, there's a request for one every few months.

That's before you consider that really they aren't one-size-fits all. First off is it a transfer or a self propelled chair ? If the former then have you got someone to push you ?

Was it really necessary to be so snippy about people suggesting a wheelchair OP? Sounds like you didn't really WANT to go as much as you made out!

Oh, and just because your mother felt 'ignored' in a wheelchair, it doesn't have to be that way, but I guess it's down to personality, if you choose to sit there and not join in things, then people will ignore you, the same way they would if you went in a pub and sat on your own looking miserable. Personally, I've never had a problem, but then I'm an outgoing personality.

I hope your DD enjoys herself WITHOUT you!

Was it really necessary to be so snippy about people suggesting a wheelchair OP? Sounds like you didn't really WANT to go as much as you made out!

You really need to grasp the emotional reaction people have to using a wheelchair. It was bad enough 30 years ago, let alone in this day and age.

Trust me, if it ever came to it, I'd try and deny reality as long as I could too.

A friend ended up in A&E with a cracked jaw because they battled not to use a wheelchair until the two walking sticks they were using accidentally crossed and they went down on a zebra crossing. As they said to me "at least they got to live".

I totally get where the OP is coming from.

Remember that the reasonable adjustments are for the venue benefit. Not yours, I am afraid.

This is an absolutely horrible response.

Im sad and disappointed, I feel frustrated that I can’t do what I used to do which makes me feel a bit useless as I can’t just say “yes” to everything any more and I feel what would have been a small adapt from the venue now has to be a massive adapt and inconvenience for me and my family, which makes what would have been a relatively small issue for us into something much bigger.

so, I admit it. I’m miserable. I hate my pain and I hate that it impacts me. Sorry if that’s a bit of a downer.

I don't understand why you won't consider a rollator with a seat, an official mobility aid?

Someone suggested it up thread?

I'm sad and disappointed, I feel frustrated that I can’t do what I used to do which makes me feel a bit useless as I can’t just say “yes” to everything any more and I feel what would have been a small adapt from the venue now has to be a massive adapt and inconvenience for me and my family, which makes what would have been a relatively small issue for us into something much bigger.

Sadly the OP will not only face this, but a slew of MN threads that suggest they are somehow on the fiddle. Even in this short thread, some of the sheer bile has crept in.

I’ve been considering this. And it’s because it would make me feel “less able” is the truth.

I’m not disabled. Not all the time. I just need some minor adjustments to allow me to access the event. I’m not ready to BE disabled.

I don’t want to have to upweight my disability until I have to - to walk round all day with a walker when for most of the time I am happily able bodied. I don’t want to have to deal with it when I go to the loo, or push it through crowds. That’s the truth. I don’t want to feel like I “can’t” any more. Plus it makes no sense - how is that less of a safety hazard than something that doubles as a walking stick.

Being brutally honest here. This would be a big step to face and I’m not ready - emotionally or physically - for that.

@Tiredalwaystired I can understand how you're feeling in your last post. I know it seems illogical as to why an 'official' aid is safer than a seat that anyone might buy from Amazon, but when dealing with crowds no one will question someone with an 'official' mobility aid. The issue with the shooting sticks and other items that the general population want to bring is that it's much harder to police who should have them and who shouldn't. And it's also difficult to confiscate them when the people who shouldn't have them see others using them who they assume shouldn't have them either.

I understand that's not going to make you feel ready to use a 'proper' disability aid, just thought it might help for you to know there is reasoning behind it, it's not someone saying no for the sake of it. I hope in future you can reframe aids as something that gives you more freedom, rather than something that leaves you feeling less than.

Which is exactly what I went through the formal channels to get dispensation (along with all my medical history). The answer was still no

@Hibernatingtilspring thanks for writing a post I was wanting to write and finding hard to articulate

I’m really sorry that you aren’t going to be able to go OP, and I’m sorry that poster was so nasty it was really uncalled for

As someone with a degenerative condition who uses crutches, I totally agree.

I totally understand. It took me well over a year to grapple with getting a wheelchair emotionally.
And I still sometimes don't use when I should it partly because of my own internalised ableism, partly because mobility aids bring their own faff and complications and aren't always a simple improvement. QQ

It's frustrating that you can live life in this "grey area" because there's a lack of recognition of the different levels of struggle people have. Disability isn't a binary but it is often treated like that