To ask about your young adults' attitude to money

[EmmaWotsit]

DH and I were really daft with money but finally got our act together. I want to help DD avoid our mistakes.

Did you guide yours, are they naturally sensible about money ... or daft?

Mine had a bank account and allowance from their early teens, and any non school essential clothes and stuff they wanted came out of that. It taught them to budget. Then they went off to uni - got some support from me, but they had to be frugal. So they're very sensible with money now - they've had some inheritance from their dad, but have not dipped into that until now (DC2 has used some for the deposit on his flat now that he's a graduate), and they still live very carefully. Lots of charity shopping for clothes and household goods etc, look for deals when going out, keep the savings mindset.

I think we guided ours by our attitude to money which is, basically, you can't spend it if you haven't got it and you won't get it unless you earn it.

We are fairly comfortably off but there were always things they couldn't do or have as they grew up which their friends did because we couldn't afford them - tech, designer clothes, school ski trips or trips to New York (!), cars at 17 etc.

They also lived through times when we had less money because one of us wasn't working and we had to cut down on the nice things in life. We have never sat them down and had a birds and the bees financial chat, though.

We have never sat them down and had a birds and the bees financial chat, though

😂 think we might be having that chat with DD soon.

She's at uni, has had a part time job since she was in school. She gets an allowance from us and her grandparents, she spends that and her wages then asks for a top up from us.

I'd like her to get into the habit of investing part of her wage now.

Not quite the same thing but I owe my financial independence in part to a chick-lit type book Meryn SomersetWeb published called love is not enough.

I read it as a late teen (19/20ish) and it changed my entire outlook. It really makes you understand that:

1. the world wants you to spend money because ✨ CONSUMERISM ✨ but you dont have to spend your money. (Example - fashion only has new trends because they can't simply shut up shop because you already have a pair of shoes)

2. what's your plan if Mr Right never turns up? You need to plan for solo living.

3. savings. And why they're important. And why you should not neglect them.

I read it just in time. In fact I think I need to read it again

Mine is still young (16) but careful with his money, has just signed up for a summer holiday job and is cautious about the idea of university because of the debt it involves.

The only thing he really spends on is tech. He isn't interested in brands in the slightest, and refuses to touch alcohol, cigarettes, vapes etc.

Interesting to see if it lasts.

If she is at uni and already blowing through her money then I think you have maybe left it a little late to make her naturally good with money.

I would definitely speak to her. But unfortunately you cant police how she spends her money ( short of stopping the allowance, she will soon learn to budget then!)

They have a good attitude. Both have significant savings despite being at uni. They don’t buy what they can’t afford and save religiously.
I was on my own for a number of years so have seen how I managed money as I always involved them and now things are great financially they see I don’t just spend

We lead by example eg talk about spending priorities

And never bail out. If DS can't afford to go out cos he overspent, that's on him

My ND is 22 and struggles to budget, so we do help him manage his wages every month and make sure he has enough to pay for what he needs to, contributes to the household expenditure and saves as well.

But what I did when he was a younger teen and of the opinion that my purse was bottomless, was to print out a list of our monthly expenditure and I stuck it on the fridge so it was easy to see. I also included our salaries (although I decreased this so he didn't know exactly what we earned) and a balance left over after all the ins and outs. It was an eye-opener for him as he had no idea about what things cost. And he did change his attitude and understand why, when I said "yes, but after the next pay-day"

DS is now quite good at considering the cost, and whether or not it's a reasonable expenditure.

Budgeting and managing money is still a work in progress.

All 3 of mine hate spending money. Their own money that is!

It’s quite complicated with DD16. DH & I went through a very bad patch a few years ago & I tended to overcompensate to DD by buying her more than I should have done & she got used to that.Plus we think she has ADHD - she’s certainly very impulsive, which includes spending. And she has very low self esteem so will buy stuff to make herself feel better & spend rather too much on her friends as well. Buying their affection I guess. She does get £25 a week pocket money which is a lot. DH & I keep encouraging her to get a job but we live in a holiday area & the seasonal positions tend to get filled very quickly, partly by uni students home for the summer. She has a Go Henry card & is managing to save for concert tickets as music is her great love & her therapy. I pay monthly for that card so hopefully DD can set up a bank account instead when she gets a job. We do talk to her about the cost of everything & how much we have to pay out for. I wrote a list of what we cover & what she is expected to pay for, especially as she does receive a very generous weekly allowance. She’s always complaining it’s not enough!

Both ds are good with money but both have made rash or daft decisions in the past! We gave them pocket money and they learned to save. When they got jobs at 16 both saved half their wages and enjoyed the rest. Also at 16 we set limits on the price of things we would pay for so new trainers we would give £60 if they wanted better they topped it up. Ds at 24 has just bought his first home so he ultimately was a good planner with money.

One sensible one not!

I’ve got two spenders.

If she’s blowing money at that rate and you’ve checked her total should be sufficient, I’d give her due warning that there will be no more this term. They stick to it. She’ll learn then!

I have one of each. Daughter spends money like it grows on trees. She’s impulsive and a real dopamine seeker so I think a lot stems from that. She’s better now she manages her own money via a banking app on her phone.

Son doesn’t spend money. Ever. He has no interests beyond gaming and those needs are usually covered by gifts. He doesn’t socialise (he has ASD and social anxiety). All of his birthday, Christmas and pocket money goes into his bank account and has now amassed almost 4 figures in savings!

Mine is only 17, but he has had a current and savings account since he was 10. His pocket money (now an allowance) has always been paid in so he has learned to budget from a few pounds to £80 a month now.
He can move money in and out of his savings as he likes but we do expect the overall balance to go up.
He pays his gym membership, nights out, PS network, random game costs, travel costs.
We pay for his phone, clothes and his food at school
He is quite sensible, in that he might choose to walk somewhere rather than pay the metro or bus fare.

Mine are poles apart. My oldest is pretty good. She has a part time job and gets anything from £350 a month up to maybe £700 nearer Xmas (retail) she saves a minimum of 50%, often more if it’s a gigher pay month. She spends the non saved but it tends to go to bigger ticket stuff which as concerts. She will get takeaways and stuff as well with friends.

you hear is 13 with ahdh, her pocket money goes through her hands like water and is spent on the corner shop, chips after school and makeup. I offered both girls to choose something for around £40 from my bonus, youngest had a list oldest said it’s ok she would wait for something she needed.

oldest will even stop into the supermarket on her way home if it’s evening and have a look for yellow sticker bargains for me.

if youngest wants something she wants it now - she doesn’t get concept of waiting a week because we could order it cheaper elsewhere.

My Foster Son is thankfully very sensible with money but we have had to teach him how to handle money and splitting money into different accounts so they don't get spent without thought.

My son is 14 and has an excellent attitude towards money. He has always been encouraged to save his pocket money/birthday/Christmas money. We've taught him that if you don't have the money, then you can't have it. He has his own bank account, and puts pocket money regularly into it. He saved up at 7 years old and bought a Nintendo Switch. He's bought his own laptop and a better phone than we gave him. Essentially, we won't just 'give' him things. He also understands if he breaks his phone etc then he needs to pay for a replacement, which has made him more careful. He will look for the best prices on things, if he thinks it's expensive, then he'll wait until it comes down. If he wants to buy himself something, then he has the money to do so, but he spends what he has sensibly. Currently he's saving for his first car because he wants a decent one, and he is savvy enough to know used car prices are currently expensive (we will pay for lessons and insurance). It's something that needs teaching from a young age. Children learn about money through watching their parents and their attitudes.

Oh, well I started a long time ago! Gave mine pocket money from about age 7, and told them that if they wanted e.g. tat from a gift shop on an outing that they had to buy it themselves. Increased the pocket money and what it needed to cover over the years.

My eldest (now 28!) has ADHD, was a typical "burning a hole in her pocket" type spender, has definitely paid her fair share of 'adhd tax' over the years (buying clothes she doesn't like and not sending them back, etc) but now manages to save money each month, keeps track of everything. It's taken a while to get there but I'm really proud of her for it.

The others are much less spendy and in fact the youngest is a bit of a hoarder, I have to reassure her that it's ok to spend money.

In your situation, I wouldn't be giving the top ups for a start! And I guess you need to start a conversation ...

Mine had a bank account, savings account and bank card from the age of about 12 and from age 14 we paid them a monthly allowance into their bank accounts. From that they had to pay for everything that they wanted or needed, except for school uniform.

If they ran out of money before the next monthly allowance was paid, then that was that, they learned that they wouldn't be getting any more.

The eldest wasted quite a lot of money to begin with, buying tat and junk, but soon learned to be more discerning. The youngest was more careful from the outset and set some aside into savings every month.

They're in their 40s now. Apart from student loans, a mortgage and a car loan, neither has ever been in debt.

I raised my 3 sons on disability benefits with a useless exh who pretended to be my carer to claim carers for me.
All the bills, food, clothing, and everything 3 growing sons need
They are all fantastic with money in part due to this I'm certain.
DS2 is a chartered accountant and is particularly switched on( to the part of helping with financial help if needed as I live in my own leasehold flat
They have each had an inheritance but with investments have enough to buy decent properties and have frequent holidays
They like me consider the value of every £1 before spending
I am so proud of them all.

Asks for a top up? Yes I think it's time for you to get firm.

My son (20) is quite spendy and inclined towards "champagne taste on a beer budget" as they say. But he gets the monthly allowance from us that Martin Lewis recommends and if he runs out that is tough shit for him. He has never asked for a top up because he knows mean old mum will say no. So he has learned to budget. Not so great at saving but he has put a small amount into a LISA.

He was home for a few days recently between finishing term and starting an internship abroad. He asked if he could earn any extra money as the internship is unpaid. I told him he could jetwash the patios and driveway and paid him for that. But I wouldn't have handed over extra money for nothing.

I probably sound mean but I'm a lot more generous than my parents were to me!

Mine were brought up with financial awareness from an early age.
We were reasonably comfortable but never spent money unnecessarily. Never bought branded clothes or fancy cars. Always saved to buy rather than borrow.
They got junior current accounts at about 13. Never had contract phones or the latest model.
From about 16 they had help to buy ISAs and some S&S ISAs.
At uni they had basic credit cards to build a good credit rating. Spending a little each month and paying off in full.
Both in their 20s now and have great attitudes towards money. DS1 bought a house at 24 with a bit of help from us, is pretty knowledgeable about investment and has a SIPP as well as S&S. DS2 had a big jump up salary wise a few years ago but never touched the increase and is now about to buy a house.