Disruptive parenting... or not???

[Mumconfused1981]

I'll try and keep brief. This happens a lot but for example last night I was getting my child ready for bed and brushing their teeth. Partner interrupted this 3 times with various ploys, asking our child to look at something out the window, getting a toy puppet out, asking questions about their day. By the third time I'd had enough, shouted at him and went to close the bathroom door. Partner stuck his foot in the door called me various names and said by shutting the door on him it was a form of abuse.

Am I the one in the wrong here? I feel like he constantly interrupts whilst I'm parenting and it's a way to poke me into getting mad. Or is this normal and am I over reacting and wrong for getting frustrated?!!

It looks like he’s sabotaging dc’s bedtime routine. Does he ever do the bedtime routine and what happens when he does?

Your dh is a dick.

In your shoes id do one of 2 things.

1. Tell him firmly to fuck off without swearing first time.
2. Say "how lovely! Daddy is doing bedtime." Ignore all protestations from him and child walk downstairs and grab handbag and go for a walk / drive/ drink /whatever. DO not return for 2 hrs +.

(I dont accept BS excuses like kids want me, only i can put my child to bed - its martyr nonsense)

If you think he isnt a dick- have a conversation about bedtime routines and about how interrupting is rude so can he stop it and while hes there can he apologise for abusing you too.
Spoiler alert hes a dick

Does he ever do bedtime or is he just Disney dad?

I’d be annoyed too- I like bedtime to be calm and relaxed so engaging little ones in long conversations and puppets(?!) would piss me off. Your poor kid though, watching all this unfold, let alone right before he goes to bed.

Shouting
Name calling
Doors being shut/forced to stay open
Accusations of abuse
'Poke me into getting mad'

Your child is going to think it is their fault their parents are arguing.

Is the relationship otherwise happy and healthy?

I would be having one conversation with him, if he doesn't make changes then I would follow the advice above. Sabotaging bedtime so your life and your child's life is harder is jot right at all.

No he doesn't do getting our kid ready for bed. It's not just bedtimes, same thing happens when getting ready for school. Which he doesn't do either!

This is just one of many things I am dealing with. But yes it's not good for our child to see this. 😭

Only does bedtime by reading books, none of the bedtime preparation!

Is it a recent thing or more longterm?

Probably ongoing for the past few years. There are a few things similar to this that he does. Him claiming abuse by me closing the door to get the task done is a new one though!

Him claiming abuse is him gaslighting you. Don’t lose sight of who you are. You are not in the wrong.

Could I ask... what is good about his role as a father and partner?

You say you're dealing with many things.
You made this post because you are doubting whether closing the door was right or wrong...
Sounds like you're starting to see some things and possibly/hopefully making some decisions about changes being made.

My ex accused me of abuse too. Example: him (6ft) towering over me (5ft2) trapping me in a corner and shouting in my face and I react in terror by crying and pushing him away from me… I put my hands on him so I’ve physically assaulted him and that’s abuse, when he’s only shouted at me. Bear in mind our kids are watching all this and screaming and crying too.

Honestly, you need to watch out for him. Gaslighting is chucked about a lot I think but it doesn’t start out small and get bigger. I’d start keeping a diary of all the times this kind of thing happens- the sabotage and the fall out. It doesn’t get any better. Ever. Don’t tell him you’re doing that though. Don’t tell him anything.

My daughter enjoys the (little) time they spend together. As a partner, he does not act like one at all.

I am starting to see things about him now but when he throws claims of abuse in there, it just makes me question my own reality! This is why I'm posting, to get clarity from you guys. Thank you ❤

This sounds exactly like what I'm going through. Its so hard when they tell you you're the one in the wrong. Because you then question it and start to feel like the bad guy. I'm going to do just that. Thank you for making me feel like I'm not a total monster!

Goodness, this doesn’t sound a happy home.

Poor child went to bed with her parents having a spat in front of her

You’re not a monster.

You're not a monster.
Questioning yourself... that is what really i saw from your initial post. Your point of view is not wrong. I understand how living with someone who says little things you do are the worst things ever, but things that they do- well You'll be overreacting.
So sorry You're going through this. That moment of realisation continues for a while now, you'll see more, and the more you talk with others the more you may realise what is normal and what has become your everyday but isn't normal.