To be jealous of pregnancy?

[AutumnRayne]

I am being massively unreasonable and I'm here to beg you all to give my head a wobble.

Me and dp have been trying for number 3 for a while now. It'll be his first child. Its complicated by me being 30 and wanting my last child sooner rather than later and my dad being terminally ill and me wanting him to meet his grandchild before he goes. We're very close and the idea of having any life milestones without him feels impossible..I know my anticipatory grief effects things for me massively.

DPs sister has today announced she's pregnant and it is the first time I've ever experienced such sadness and jealousy and upset around somebody else's pregnancy and I know it's so so unreasonable for me to feel anything other than happiness and support for her but I am all of a sudden in a massive funk about it.

We're not even properly trying, no cycle tracking or anything and yet I feel so envious with so much childish why-them-and-not-us-ness that i really need a good talking to.

Has anyone experienced similar and can please help?

Of course YANBU. Jealousy is a natural emotion when someone has something/gets something you desire. You're doing nothing wrong.

I hope you manage to conceive again soon. 😘

You’re too hard on yourself, and I’m definitely not going to give your head a shake.
you’re human with normal human emotions. Be kind to yourself.

I recommend being thankful for and concentrating on the two you have.

Hi OP, I could’ve written this post, I felt like this about a year ago - except I don’t have any children yet. Besides that; same situation. A poster on here told me “remind yourself you don’t want her baby, you want your baby”. Her baby is 6 months now and he is lovely; but the pregnancy was so so hard for me and I adore him now he’s here. TTC hasn’t been any easier and I love DNephew to bits but he’s not mine, and it’s so much easier to separate it once the baby is here. It’s totally normal to feel the way you do.

Definitely not being unreasonable. It's not the same, but I lost my little boy during pregnancy and I remember every baby, every pregnancy announcement being a massive kick in the teeth as they had what I didn't. Sending you lots of love, it's completely ok to take a step back from family to have some time for you.

It’s natural. I felt the same after my miscarriages before I had ds2.

This is normal. I've been there myself after years of infertility. I used to smile and congratulate them and then unfollow them on social media. Your time will come again. Even now, 2 little girls later, I still feel a strange stab in the heart when people announce pregnancies and I don't even want any more children!! Think it must be related to all the years of pain and pregnancy announcements....

11 people, told me they were pregnant before I got lucky with my 2nd, all 2nd babies. The ache I felt was awful. It’s normal it’s ok

Grateful I'm not alone in the feeling yet feel so awful anyone else has ever felt this way x

For me it was especially hard watching my DP support his sister, especially considering her pregnancy was unplanned. Any other person would say how lovely and supportive he was but with every visit, every baby item bought, I resented it. All I could think was “that should be me.”
as soon as baby came, they’re their own little person and it was separated from DSIL and this made it 10000x easier. I love the relationship between DP and DNephew and I do get pangs of “that should be me” still a year later but it gets easier once they are here. You’re not alone x

That's straight out of the 'what not to say' book and is exactly what my mil said after my miscarriage. I recommend if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. It's f...... rude.

Oh my gosh yes this. The idea of having to watch my DP be supportive (as he should) and embrace all the lovely baby stuff buying (again, as he should) makes me feel sick and i cant stop thinking how much i want it to be with me instead and how bloody selfish and awful of me is that? I know it's vile and so so unreasonable and yet it's such a guttural feeling

You can be grateful and sad at the same time - entirely different emotions. I was SO grateful for my first but desperate for a second at one point.

This is the type of crappy comments I got after my rainbow baby was born after my twins died at birth 19 months ago. The op doesn't need to be thankful, she can love and be happy for her current children and still feel and grieve for the child she wants.