Rude to answer the phone

[Goldielocks2p22]

Went for a catch up with a friend to get drinks. Another friend rings her and she answers then continues to spend 45 minutes on the phone to this person.

Surely I’m not the only person who wouldn’t answer the phone if I’d agreed to meet someone for drinks or food?

Whose rattled your kennel?

Friends have rang me asking to pick up their kids from school before, should they have dialled 999 for that?

It's so self-important, to answer your phone "in case of emergencies"😂

You do not need to answer your phone at every minute of everyday. I am sure you manage to put it away when you go to the cinema, have a doctor's appointment or a job interview? And most of us put it away when invited for diner, or just meeting a friend for coffee

This need to feel immediately contactable is funny but strange.

A friend calling usually is something urgent or we'd just text.

A friend calling me to get her kid from school is urgent as she needed confirmation I could do it, a text wouldn't have been seen if my phone was in my bag, but don't fret, I wasn't the person on the phone for 45 minutes whilst another friend sat and watched me, that would have been rude.

So I'm not forgiving the friend in the op's situation for being on the phone for 45 minutes, I'm just saying that I don't think answering the phone was that bad, it was staying on the phone that was very rude.

Very rude indeed.

She was rude to answer the phone but no need for you to spout ageist bile.

No. Your MIL is rude. Not all old people are.

45 mins?! I’d have left at 20…

Ageism is pretty rude.

Me too. Absolutely no way would I have stayed there.

It isn’t rude to answer, but it is rude to chat with someone else for 45 minutes whether they are on the phone or there in person. It’s also idiotic to wait around for 45 minutes for them to finish.

People managed without electricity for centuries, should we cut that off too?

It doesn’t matter how many emergencies you get, there only needs to be one.

For me it’s less about emergencies and more about urgencies. If my daughter’s school phones (which happens a lot) I need to be able to speak to them. If I get a call from an unknown number, 99% of the time it is from one of my daughter’s NHS contacts. They aren’t allowed to leave a message and it wan be weeks before I can get hold of them. The issue might not be life threatening, but it is necessary. My husband missed an appointment for a review after a CT scan which had shown a returning cancer. They had called, it was an unknown number and dad privilege means he never answered it. He only discovered because he later called weeks later to see where his results were.

Wherever I am, my phone is on. If I can answer it, I will. If I’m in a job interview, I will explain and if they don’t like it, I won’t work for them because that is my life and if they don’t like it, I won’t like the job. If I’m in the cinema, I will leave. It isn’t difficult.

I like how people obsessed with their phone find plenty of excuse to justify how important they are, and how a phone call could not possibly wait.

Many of us manage with a phone left at the bottom of your bag just fine.

I'd maybe say "sorry is it OK if I get this" then quickly check what she needed and hang up, followed by an apology. Especially if it's just the 2 of you, were you just sat there waiting!? Madness.

So person that rang her doesn’t leave near us, they do have a weird dynamic. In that the other person presents herself a very wealthy and successful (which I’m not convinced is true but a separate point) so people jump through hoops for her.

I actually went to leave twice. I left after the 45 minutes to go somewhere else.

My friend does that occasionally. It really annoys me. Especially if I’ve done a 70 mile round trip to meet him for a coffee. He doesn’t spend as long as 45 minutes on the phone but I find it very irritating. Fair enough if it’s work related, but if it’s his brother. 😬😬

I would have left when it became clear that they intended to have a full conversation.
I would not meet up again.
Extremely rude.

I just couldn't imagine what emergency an adult may have that couldn't be fixed by 999. I don't drive so that request wouldn't happen to me.
The most I can imagine is someone locked out of their home and needs to stay with me before calling the locksmith the next day, but that person would try calling again or texting.

Ah @OnlyHasEyesForLokisimilar happened to me. New to London a friend says she’d meet me at very popular pub. I arrived, walked through the crowd but didn’t see her. So got myself a drink, waited in conspicuous a place as possible then after a bit walked through again. Third time I eventually found her sitting down chatting away to friends. She hadn’t even bothered to look for me even though she knew I wouldn’t know anyone. It was awkward joining them as there really wasn’t room, and she didn’t really involve me in their chat (she hadn’t planned to see these people they were just there but she probably knew they would be). I don’t think I stayed long. This was decades ago and it still annoys me.

Not fair enough it work-related either. He should have working hours and non-working hours even if self-employed.

You and your friend also have a weird dynamic.

"Oi Beryl, you've been on your phone nearly 10 minutes, wrap it up or I'm heading off".

Not difficult if you're friends.

@Gwenhwyfarhe is a senior priest so always someone after him! He’s just retired, so hopefully less phone calls.

So that's your world.

In my world, my friends and I all text and only ring if it's an emergency, or to explain it more pendantically for you, urgent.

So no, a friend wouldn't call me first if her house is on fire for me to don my hero cape and put it out but she would call me to get her kids from school because she's stuck on the train because of a stupid trespasser on the line. She knew to call rather than text because I'm not glued to my phone. I know her calling means she needs to talk to me now, not tomorrow.

Really? Do you have children?

the school calling to say they aren't well
whoever is watching them calling to say they aren't well.
and if 999 was needed should the next call not be to the parent to let them know?
or if a family member, to let them know?

calls I've had in the last few months:

relative passed away.
relatives wanting info for funeral
jury duty (did know I might get a call, but was only a maybe)
other relative took unwell and required hospitalisation.
updates on her condition as the doctors said she was now end of life.
her being moved hospital and back into care home for end of life care.
the phone call to say they thought she only had hours left.
solicitors as am the executor

in the past had a call to say youngest had knocked himself out and was on his way to hospital.

various calls from the school requiring immediate attention (needing either picked up as poorly or at the hospital as injured)

it isn't rude to say "I need to get this, only be a minute" but it is absolutely rude to have a non urgent conversation with someone on the phone and certainly 45 minutes is taking the piss.

My friend has a bad habit of being on her phone when we go out somewhere, if I tell her she’s being rude she does put it away.

I don’t think other people had ever raised it with her before I did so she didn’t realise how frustrating it is.
My friend is autistic so struggles at times with knowing the correct etiquette, she answers her phone in case it might be an emergency then carries on talking or doesn’t put it away again and keeps playing on it.
I have cut quite a few meetings short because it’s boring sitting with someone on the phone but it’s like she can’t help herself and is addicted to it.

She also sometimes starts browsing on social media or doing other things like online shopping when we are talking on the phone. I can tell as she starts changing the subject and telling me what Susan posted on Facebook, telling me how much various brands of kettles cost or she just goes quiet and distracted and takes ages to answer a question, I usually end the call but it does make me paranoid that I’m boring her as she does it a lot. She is usually the one to call me so it’s confusing as to why she calls then practically ignores me!

Another irritating thing a lot of women do (men don’t seem to get pestered as much) is to hold long conversations with their kids after they interrupt when you are on the phone.
A lot of my friend’s kids spend all day ignoring their mum until she’s on the phone then they suddenly urgently need to have several long conversations.

It’s like talking to someone with Tourette’s when kids are present the conversation goes something like - “did you get your results back from the doctor? Was everything… JAMIE STOP PULLING YOUR SISTERS HAIR!”

I leave my phone in my bag when I go anywhere and wouldn’t look at it unless I got repeated calls or texts. I don’t see the point in meeting someone then spending the time with them talking to someone else. It gives the impression their time isn’t important.