To ask if anyone does this or knows why I do? It’s destroying my life

[Peoplekits]

I’ve been like this since a child. I remember being age 8 or 9 and a holiday or birthday would be coming up and I would just feel SO stressed and anxious that it would all go wrong. My parents used to actually make a think out of it that I would always ruin special occasions. It would be presented as if I had intentionally done this but that wasn’t the case, it was the anxiety taking over and I would panic and stress about the most ridiculous things.

As I’ve got older I’ve realised that this could be linked to self sabotage (I’m late 30s now with a child). I don’t want to live like this and want my son to enjoy life too. We have a holiday coming up and already I’m feeling horrendously stressed. Worried I’m ill, worried the house will collapse while away (!) worried about infection and car insurance and where my birth certificate is!

I do take sertraline and this has helped a bit but still I can’t seem to cope well with special occasions. Can anyone relate to this? How do I stop it?

Yes I've been the same all my life. I remember in particular how stressed and panicky school trips made me. I remember one teacher rolling her eyes and saying it was because my parents had spoiled me.

I’m glad I read this, no one in my family can relate to me, I feel terrible during the build up to a holiday, Christmas or other big occasion. I’m not sure why I get stressed , I wonder if it’s because I normally organise holidays, Christmas and birthdays and if it goes wrong it’ll be my fault. I struggle to sleep, feel generally stressed.

If you get anxious, and that has a negative impact, then you reinforce the anxiety that there will be a problem. Somehow you need to break that pattern. Drugs are interesting, but developing a positive approach would work better. Have you tried any CBT or counselling to specifically target this?

It's not exactly the same, but I used to worry, as a child, about missing trains/losing tickets etc. on holiday.
I don't worry now, but after months of looking forward to my holiday, a couple of days beforehand I just feel like I don't want to go. I really don't know why. I am always fine when we leave home, but if something happened to stop me going I don't think I'd be disappointed.
We went on a cruise last month and I'd been looking forward to it and excited since we booked a year ago. 2 or 3 days beforehand I just felt really down and didn't want to go. I did go and had a great time. I don't understand why I feel like that.

Im sorry I've no advice but thanks for posting this, OP. Seeing your post in black and white has made me realise I'm quite similar and what a struggle it can make life sometimes. Thanks also to the poster who linked the Exeter pack.

I feel like I've been inspired to try to do something about it.