Feel betrayed and disgusted by friend’s fiance

[Claridgeslick]

Last weekend was the hen weekend of one of my closest friends. She lives with her fiance. I said that he could come to my city for the weekend, and stay in my flat. He has friends there. I obviously would be at his house for the hen weekend.

I came back on Monday morning and it’s clear that he has been rifling through my things. My underwear drawer has obviously been disturbed, as has my bedside drawer with intimate things in it, as well as other places.

I am disgusted and upset that a man I was friends with, and who is marrying my friend; would behave like this. Should I tell him? Should I tell her?!

You owe it to her to tell her, but I doubt she'll believe you, particularly this close to the wedding. However, there might be other things she's concerned about with him, general sleaziness etc, that might make her recognise you're telling the truth. Definitely tell her.

What would be best is to challenge him in front of her on a video call.

I would do this. You're not obviously putting the blame on the fiance but they will be aware now that you are aware and that it's not right

Edit was meant to quote ThatLimecat

Definitely tell her. What a creep.

A friend of mine was visited years ago by a good friend from university. She brought along with her (uninvited) a very dodgy boyfriend. After an awkward weekend, my friend found that a pair of her earrings were missing. She didn't necessarily connect it with the boyfriend until she met up with her uni friend again some months later. The uni friend was wearing her earrings, and when my friend complimented her on them, she said they were a present from the boyfriend. My friend was too dumb-struck to come out and tell her her suspicions, and later agonised over what to do.

She wished she had told on him because he treated this girl very badly and ended up in prison - but at the time the girl might have been very offended and the friendship might have been broken...and of course, my friend admitted she couldn't prove they were the same earrings....but they were! Bought from a little craft shop on a Scottish island and very distinctive.

Do this

Text him with pictures and and him why (not if, provided you're certain) he did this. There's a chance he will acknowledge he did and then you can show the message to your friend. Otherwise she might not believe you (or choose not to).

Don’t know why you’d let him stay but definitely say something

This is the best way to go about it . What a creep he is god only knows what he was up to

Agree with this.

I don’t think you should keep this from her. It gives her knowledge which she can do with as she pleases.

you’ll have to accept that it may end the friendship, but I think that’s better than her going into the marriage without the information.

it may help her if there have been any instances of related behaviour.

i think it’s pretty bad really. I can half see how he might have been temped to open the drawer for a look, that could have led to touching one pair and replacing it very carefully - but he did far more.

Right. I did this. I sent her pretty much that exact message. Made sense not to directly accuse him. She replied:

’Oh no! I’m sorry to hear that! Fiancé was barely at the flat and has no idea about it! Definitely didn’t have anyone else round. Did anything get stolen? Does anyone else have a key?!’

So a blanket denial. Hmm.

Not sure what else you can do now unless you want to risk your friendship. Awkward.
I guess at least now he knows you’ve spotted something odd. Maybe he might confess to your friend and make an excuse (God only knows what excuse that could even be though?! “I was walking to the kitchen, tripped and as I fell forward, I managed to right myself by opening 3 drawers and moved the contents”

Well by his total confident denial he’s outed himself as someone pretty accustomed to bad behaviour and the fallout. I would not want to be in his presence again.

He was barely there? My arse. He slept there didn’t he? And wanked.

I’d wash everything and probably consider this friendship almost over. She’s totally and utterly blinkered to his behaviour and he’s a practised manipulator.

Just send them a Good Luck card for the wedding and bow out...
She won't be able to see him for who he is just yet. When the marriage certificate is dry she will I presume.

Creepy pervert....

I would respond and say no-one else has a key and no-one else but him had access to your flat that weekend.

She may not respond but they'll both know he's responsible.

Maybe she told him to do it as a sort of test to see if you’re a good friend

But OP has no proof and it's her word against his - her friend is about to marry this man, do you really think it will achieve anything other to upset her friend right before her wedding? I think most women would believe their life partner over a friend in this situation - he will probably say OP is jealous and just wants to cause trouble. She really has nothing to gain from telling her friend.

Well despite what he’s told her, she’s always going to wonder now. I’d leave it, it’ll work itself out one way or the other. You’ve got the measure of him now though and obviously won’t trust him again.

This. 100 percent. It will definitely get her thinking what a creep she's marrying 🤮

Or maybe message back, ‘No, no-one has a key and no-one else has been here. I’m stumped now. Do you guys think I need to involve the police??’

This is a good idea.

At the end of the day I have no cast iron proof. It’s not like I can fingerprint the drawers! But it must have been him. I’m even doubting myself a bit now, but I am 99.9% sure that the bedside drawer stuff was moved, and my knicker drawer is kept comically neat (which it wasn’t).

This is absolutely disgusting. Your friend is wild for her response too. I wouldn’t have anything to do with either of them again honestly