‘Reserving’ the cubicle in communal changing room.

[CR2025]

Short version: was a Mum of an older teen unreasonable to reserve the only cubicle in a communal changing room at the swimming pool?

Long version: I was in the (enclosed) shower after my swim and heard a Mum say to her teen DD (c18?) she would go ahead into the communal changing room and reserve the only enclosed (locked door) cubicle.

About 5 mins passed as I washed & conditioned my hair & washed my body. The DD was still in the shower.

I went to my locker, near the cubicle and noticed the door open and ‘stuff’ in it.

I always use it as I have a disability which means i need the seat with the back rather than the still type seats in the communal area. I’m unsteady on my feet so find it hard to get changed with a towel around me in the communal area.

If the cubicle is occupied I dry my hair first as I hate it dripping on me as I try to dry myself. This usually takes the few minutes for the cubicle to become free. But on this occasion the DD still had not appeared. I was getting really annoyed that the cubicle was ‘reserved’ for so long. Must have been 20 minutes?

So started to pack my things to go to the disabled loo/shower (which has a backed seat) at the other end of the changing area. The DD appeared & went in the cubicle.

Using the wet room to change was a pain. The floor & bench were wet so soaked my towel. I found it very difficult not having a dry bench to put my stuff & the room was humid so difficult to dry.

I went back to my locker to get my jacket. The Mum & DD were still in the communal area with the DD now drying her hair.

I was so annoyed at their selfishness.

Was she being unreasonable?
Should I have moved the stuff out & used the cubicle?
Should I have told reception?

I am also autistic so find communicating in situations like this difficult.

Well it’s a difficult one OP because no one owns the cubicle. Presumably the teen gets anxious about changing around people and the mum had promised they would get the cubicle. I wouldn’t have moved their stuff but you could have mentioned to the mum especially after.

Ultimately they were being a bit selfish but presumably didn’t know you needed it specifically. Next time I think I would just loudly ask around and then move the stuff if needed.

I agree with the above PP about it being a tricky situation - they may have their reasons for needing the cubicle (as did you)

Could you wear a sunflower lanyard? Would you feel comfortable with that? I ask as my DC are autistic and it's helped them in situations when they've needed to navigate a social situation.

Maybe planning for the cubicle not being available would help as well?

E.G getting an old towel or bath mat to put on the bench if it's wet? Maybe one of those towel hair wraps would help you quickly wrap your hair up and get it drying. Making sure you're in loose / comfortable clothing that's easy to change into if a cubicle is warm or damp.

She would have to be wearing it naked to help in this situation.

One cubicle isn't enough, it's not really fair on anyone. It's quite possible the teen is also autistic or has body issues that means she won't change in public. I've literally never changed in public and just go home to shower.

I would have told reception. Not “told on” the mum and her daughter for using it for too long, but fed back that one cubicle is insufficient. I don’t think they were unreasonable as such, they’d finished their swimming session and got to the cubicle first and - particularly if it’s a cubicle to be used by less mobile people and families where a parent might be drying and changing several children - I don’t think that the idea of a time limit is feasible.

@CR2025 move the stuff. Every time.

You can't reserve something for your use later when someone else needs it now. So I think you can move their stuff as long as they're not immediately getting out of the shower. Part of the reason that one cubicle is insufficient is that for a lot of the time it's 'reserved' rather than actually in use.

Okay - she could be holding it in her hand? No need to be like that - I'm trying to help the OP with practical suggestions.

They were being completely unreasonable, you can’t “bagsy” a cubicle. I used to be insecure about communal changing and would either use the cubicle if free or go and change in a toilet cubicle. I would never just leave my stuff in it assuming nobody else would want to use it.

Truthfully I probably wouldn’t have had the balls to move it or say anything Although I’d have wanted to.

I am also autistic and find communicating difficult sometimes.

but how is that a practical suggestion?
even if the mum and dd
a) knew what a sunflower lanyard indicated
b) cared enough to think 'perhaps we should offer this woman the cubicle as the lanyard indicates she may have additional needs that mean she might need it' (tbh I don't think many people would even make that link, even OP herself isn't saying she needs the cubicle because of anything related to her autism, but because of a physical issue)
this all relies on OP WEARING the lanyard in order for them to see it, which she obviously wouldn't have been doing in the shower! By the time she was out of the shower they'd already reserved it, so too late. Even if OP then went into her locker and started wandering around in her swimsuit with a lanyard brandished in her hand who is going to notice what someone else is holding while you're trying to get changed yourself?

I can appreciate it's annoying OP, but in most situations, if the cubicle is free, someone will probably choose to use it. It sounds like the mum was deliberately saving it for the dd because the dd wanted the cubicle for a specific reason, but if she wasn't the mum probably would have gone in herself, so it still wouldn't have been free for you.

Also you could argue that at least you are 'entitled' to use the disabled loo/shower, which the dd isn't, so if two of you 'needed' the cubicle (because we don't know whether the dd did or not), then at least you had an alternative you could use, albeit one that wasn't as convenient, whereas she didn't.

I don't think the mum would have been wrong to 'reserve' the cubicle if she was (reasonably) expecting her dd to be out immediately. The real question was what on earth was the dd doing in the shower for 20 minutes?

I've moved other peoples stuff from 'reserved' cubicles in the past when there's no-one in sight and it's been empty of people for ages! I find it v selfish to 'reserve' when people are waiting to get changed.

The autism or being disabled/ sunflower lanyard is not a factor here. You still can’t claim a cubicle as your own when you’re not even using it.

Was the cubicle empty but reserved by the other person's stuff sitting in it or was the Mum hiding out in the cubicle with the door locked?

Nobody should reserve for more than a minute, because it only takes a couple of minutes for most to get changed, so it unreasonably blocks use to hold it for longer.

I don't know what you "should" have done OP. I can be feisty so if just have used it if nobody turned up after a minute. What are they going to do anyway?

It really annoys me when people do this. A person, who was after us in the queue at a cafe today went ahead and bagsied the best table and then proceeded to try and order while we were still ordering. Her and her child got the nice comfy table while we got the crap one. We spent way more than her too and we were actually eating. Some people have no manners, so rude.

There are only a couple of cubicles where I go swimming. And it's often the same elsewhere. OP you are not the only one who needs a cubicle. Swimming pools NEED changing cubicles.

I would have been tempted to move their stuff out.

I think it’s bizarre that pools don’t have cubicles, there’s no way I’d be changing in front of strangers

I just move their stuff.

I have been challenged, so I tell them what the leisure centre staff told me:
“Anything in an unattended cubicle will be removed by staff. If another client needs to use a cubicle with items in it, they should place those items outside the cubicle. Cubicles cannot be reserved.”

No one should reserve cubicles they are first come first served

I don't think you can reserve those spaces. Either they're being used or they're free. Putting things in there when you're not actively changing doesn't reserve them unless everyone else plays along. Maybe you could ask the staff if they could at least put up a sign to indicate that the cubicle cannot be reserved.

Thanks all.

Thats made me feel more reassured that she probably shouldn’t have done it but that most wouldn’t actually move the stuff either.