Really hurt by teens attitude

[lolalopp]

Ds is nearly 14 and has changed so much in the past few years. He is ungrateful. He doesn’t want to spend any time with us as a family. He will come in from school and immediately lock himself away in his room. I go in and try to chat but he’s not bothered. He has no time for his younger siblings. An elderly relative has been unwell recently and he doesn’t even ask how they are or show any interest in wanting to visit them. All he is bothered about is his own wants and needs.

He will come through and sit with Dh and I on an evening for an hour to eat dinner and watch a bit of TV but despite living in the same home I genuinely never see him apart from this.

Is this pretty normal for teens? I know that they can be self centered but he’s always been a fairly loving boy and it’s just very hurtful how disinterested he is in everything. I feel like I’m just here to feed him and wash his clothes and drive him places but other than that he has nothing but disdain for me.

Yes, very normal - and quite tame in comparison to what could be happening, and what I deal with sometimes, but that doesn't help you.

What I found helped was to not engage with the rudeness or irritating behaviour at the point it happened. I would pop up to DS in his room later and take a hot chocolate for him and as I put it down I would say "I didn't appreciate the way you spoke to me earlier. I still love you, but that was unnecessary". Or however you would phrase it.

I quite often got a mumbled "sorry mum" as I was closing the door.

Of course there were times when things needed to be dealt with there and then, but overall it was better to let the heat of the moment pass.

Now he is 22 he has said he appreciates that some of his behaviour towards us was not good and he also appreciates that we stuck by him and saw him through some difficult patches. I think the bad times we went through helped to strengthen our relationship overall once we were through it.

So hopefully you have the milder end of teenage angst to deal with, but don't take any of it personally, keep communicating and remember a lot of it is hormones, the nice human is still under there somewhere.

I dont think my comment was horrid. But, as you say, you do you.