Would you find this a bit insensitive?

[Raspberry14]

If a colleague was talking to another colleague who she knows is struggling with her weight and has been feeling insecure about it but said ''I ordered a dress and it didn't fit well because it was a size 8 and not a size 6''?

I can see both sides. My best friend and I were very, very slim as young women. We're now hovering between a 10 and a 12. We frequently vent to each other about how massive we feel right now. I definitely would not do this with my size 20 colleagues at work - it would be crazily insensitive. If I'm describing sizes with anyone at work I would say "my usual size" rather than an actual number. I think it's kind of common courtesy even though they can probably guess the size isn't an 18 (or indeed a 6!)

No it's just talking about themselves, unless it's in a certain manner which @MagicTape articulates very well above, in which case that person is probably a self obsessed PITA anyway.

It's also not insensitive or tone deaf to be going on a holiday, to be pregnant, to be happy in a relationship or have a good relationship with your parents. Its going on and on about these things in a self obsessed way to someone who is struggling with any of the above that's insensitive. Or complaining about something very trivial to a person who you know would absolutely love to have what you have.

No.

You can't go through life expecting people to walk on eggshells around you.

She is just talking about her experience, there is no mean intention.

Well, it would be insensitive if, indeed, this is actually what happened….!!

No. I am a UK size 10 but I’d never be described as skinny. I have boobs, bum, chunky thighs. I think it must be really difficult for very thin people to buy clothes that fit them.

No. Not insensitive.

I used to have group therapy with a woman who also ran an online support group and she said something really interesting after a several newcomers asked for 'trigger warnings' on discussions.

She basically refused to allow trigger warnings on the basis that outside of deliberately and intentionally offensive comments dedesigned to be cruel amd upsetting, none of us should be worrying about being sensitive to others for fear of being insensitive to them because we are all responsible for managing our own feelings and not expecting others to manage them for us. And part of therapy was understanding that and developing that ability to self regulate and self soothe.

If someone is talking about themselves and their experience and another finds this upsetting, then the onus is on the person who feels upset to do the work and not the person speaking about themselves.

No. It’s over sensitive of the larger person to make someone else’s problem all about them.

No, it’s her experience. People are allowed to talk about their own experiences.

It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest someone saying they had to return a size 8 because it was too big. However as someone who has been a size 12 almost my whole life it would bother me listening to 2 people who are a size 10-12 (a perfectly normal size) harping on about how massive they are.

So if the person was a size 18 and ordered a size 20 by mistake that would be ok? if so yes the person is being over sensitive, it’s not their fault they are a smaller size and doesn’t relate to anyone else’s journey.

I lean towards yes because she could have left out the numbers and just said it was "one size too small".

Yes it's obviously insensitive!

It costs nothing to avoid sensitive topics. She could have chatted about a thousand different things.

Do people not care about kindness anymore?

So the colleague cant have any problems, or just cant have problems that magnify the ones that the person with weight issues has?

Or do they just have to ignore their issues, or not verbalise them because it might magnify someone else's?

So the weight person's issues are more important? Or do you think the other one just isn't as important?

Basically your placing gravitas on the issues of one person over another.

Unless of course its done with Malice.. different story.

exactly

I got accused as I was booking a holiday for an elderly relative, because the other person had a relative die on holiday... how could I be so cruel!

of course it was insensitive

it's like saying to someone who is struggling to afford a can of beans, oh I'm not sure whether to get the lobster or the caviar because the caviar was a bit salty last time.

No it's not insensitive. Presumably you've all got eyes and can see that the person is very obviously not a size 18. 🙄

This is a ridiculous comparison considering we need food to actually stay alive.

Unless the woman is 'feeling insecure' about her weight because she's about to die in the next few weeks (as you would if you couldn't afford to eat), then there is no comparison here.

This

Of course it’s insensitive. Let’s not pretend it’s not. Fair enough, it might be a legitimate thing for the other colleague to have a moan about, but time, place, person. Either they were stealth gloating or socially inept. I’m gonna go with the former.

I don't think it's insensitive. I don't want to be a size 6, I don't suppose a lot of people would like to be that slight. I wouldn't think someone telling me they're a size 6 was showing off or trying to make me feel bad, they're just stating a fact about something that's probably known to you anyway - they wear small clothes.

Tbh, I think I'd be more offended if someone looked at me and thought, "Ooh, she's fatter than me. I better it's a sensitive topic. I'd best not mention my size!"

People aren't blind. They're got a rough idea what dress size someone is. Of course they can see if someone is bigger or smaller than them. It's rather patronising to suggest otherwise.

And not every woman wants to be a size 6. So... 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have a friend that does this and I can only imagine she's deeply insecure.

Well this is exactly why we only ever talk about it when we're on our own together. I know it's ridiculous and I know a size 12 is not massive - of course I do. But when you've spent your teens, 20s and 30s wearing a size 8 or 10, it feels big. I know it's irrational, that's why I don't ever talk about it with anyone other than my friend who's in the same boat.

No. It was stating a fact about themselves.

Yes. It’s probably not intentionally boasting, just thoughtless. She could have just said "it wasn’t the right size" or "it didn’t fit".