I am 52, my mother is 74. And sorry, this turned out longer than I was expecting!
I spent 3 hours at hers (and my fathers) sorting out some admin stuff. Got her a new sim on fathers account as she was still on PAYG and it was costing a fortune compared to sim only. Then helped him apply for his blue badge. Sorted all the ID, PIP letters etc. Normal stuff.
Forward 2 days, hour and a half on the phone to O2 to sort out the porting of her number as some admin issue was holding it up. Chucked out (after destroying) old sim. For unclear reasons her numbers were saved on her sim, I didnt know this. She has gone TOTALLY batshit that she has lost the 20 or so numbers she had on there. Except that my father has all the family ones and a call each to the landlines of two people will get back the rest. When I said I didnt know they were on the sim she said "Well that was probably you, you probably set up that old one too....I remember you sorting out the settings" I didnt set it up, I was helping her sort out her ring tone.
Nope. Not good enough. It is all my fault and she might as well just throw the thing away. I am now persona non grata....again. This is a pattern that has gone on my entire life. I am the scapegoat, sister is the golden child. Luckily we both survived that and are best friends. So I called and told her what had happened and she said word to the effect of "Oh dont tell me, its all your fault, you are useless and stupid and because you cant wave a magic wand to fix it all she can now blame you for everything from the start of time?" Yep, pretty much.
DD1 (in her 20's) overheard me talking to Dsis yesterday about it. I said it had been radio silence. Dsis said "let her stew. She'll soon bloody call when she needs something.".
DD thinks I should reach out and be the bigger person, but I dont want to. I have had a fucking whole life of this shit and I am so fucking sick of it. If she can pin something on me then she will, and if she cant then it will be pinned on someone. If she fucks up there will always be a reason why it isnt actually her fault. If the proof is incontravertible that she was at fault the fallout is a carry on about "Well why ask me?! I cant do anything right can I?" so still making herself the victim. I was labelld the problem child because I didnt kowtow, Dsis was actually far worse in what she did especially as a teen, she was just cleverer than me and hid it!
Now I accept that in this case I probably should have double checked the numbers, I didnt. It didnt occur to me. I apologised for that, to no avail. But on the back of all the fucking shite I have had thrown at me over the years I am not making the first move. Yes technically it was my error, but it was an error. It was not done deliberately (as she tried to imply), through stupidity (which was very much said) or I dont care about her ("Oh my stuff doesnt matter does it?!"). It was a mistake! And it can be easily sorted.
The irony of the fact that I had to sort out her phone because she cant do it herself passed her by.....I am stupid for making one mistake after helping her out with something she couldnt do herself!
Sorry for the long rant. Thanks for reading if you got this far!
So AIBU to let her stew for a bit?!
Oh and no she doesnt have dementia, she has always been like this. This not a new development, more a "here we go again....."