Would it bother you?

[ToadRage]

We are going to visit my cousin on Saturday as we always do when we go to Wembley as they live nearby. I love my cousin and his family to bits, he has two children of 5 and 7. Every previous time we have taken a little gift for each of the children, e.g chocolate or a small toy. Due to disability l had to stop working in January and my husband has had to go part time to care for me. We are on very strict budget and i am worried that they will be disappointed or annoyed if we turn up empty handed this time. If you were aware of a family members situation would you be upset if they turned up with nothing when they have always brought something before?

You might be able to set expectations first so there is no misunderstanding?

Are you not able to just take some chocolate for the children? They are very young, so they would not expect too much, I would have thought. If not, you could always speak to the parents beforehand of your situation.

I’d try to find something to bring whether it’s homemade biscuits, something from your garden, a £1 book or toy from a charity shop or even some sheets of paper that you can show them how to do origami with or something like that. It doesn’t really matter what it is, especially for kids as long as it’s a token something.

I would just take a small gift for the children such as chocolate bars or colouring books from the pound shop for example. It's the thought that counts, the price is irrelevant.

Most parents don’t want plastic toy tat so don’t buy something because it’s cheap.

A pack of stickers each would probably cost you under £3 and I’ve yet to meet a young child that didn’t like stickers!

Examples - https://home.bargains/search?q=stickers&rl%5Bbrands%5D%5B0%5D=Marvel%20Avengers&rl%5Bbrands%5D%5B1%5D=Disney%20Frozen&rl%5Bbrands%5D%5B2%5D=Disney%20Princess

How can you afford to go to Wembley but not afford 2x£1 for the kids?!

you have created this very small 'surprise' expectation for the children, I think it's wrong to just not do it.

it's not about how the parents would feel.

Surely you can spare a couple of pounds for chocolate treat for each of the kids? If you normally bring something for the children, they will obviously be disappointed if you turn up with nothing!

Agree. Lovely ideas.

Children that age don’t understand the cost of things, cheap sweets should suffice.

You are going to Wembley but can’t afford a token gift?

YABU.

Don’t you have a pound shop nearby?

Aww, I wouldn’t mind. Seeing you and spending time with you would be the most important thing. Maybe you could bake a cake for going, or take along the stuff to bake with the children. Or perhaps take a cheap packet of seeds to help them grow something in the garden/windowsill. There’s all sorts you can do that’s cheap or free. And Poundland is a godsend if you really don’t want to give up the gift expectation!
Hope your situation improves 🙂

You’re going to Wembley but can’t afford £2 for a bag of sweets?

Just because the cousin lives in an affluent area, it doesn’t mean the OP has to be loaded to visit. She could be travelling in by bus, FFS.

I'm quite sure they won't be annoyed. And if you don't have money to spare then don't spend it. But if funds allow maybe take a pack of biscuits or something for everyone to share.

Either text the parents and warm that there will be no presents as money is hard at the moment (good life lesson) or got to a chap shop and buy a lolly each? Can get 2 for a £1 in some places?

I think most posters have assumed the op is going to an event at Wembley stadium (like a football match). The tickets will have been very expensive - so OP can afford those, but not £1 gift for the children.

We don't need more sweets or toys every time someone visits. If I noticed at all that it was a change I'd be more relieved you'd decided to stop than anything else.

Visit or stay with? Because I wouldn't expect anything if I knew your circs but little kids would and if you can afford wemberley surely you could afford a kinder egg or some stickers from b and ms?

I wouldn't be taking someone's hospitality on an expensive trip, saving the cost of a hotel and having the cheek to plead poverty. Doesn't need to be expensive just thoughtful

Think more details are needed.
Are you visiting briefly or staying with them?
What's the reason for going to Wembley? As again if you are going to something expensive then it does seem a bit mean to then go empty handed claiming no money. Kids are often happy with a bag of sweets, or if you go somewhere like Home Bargains there is often lots of cheap bits you can pick up e.g nice pens and notebooks, bath bombs that had something inside

I would stop all gifts and any other effort you make for them. It's clearly not appreciated. I include the bitchy daughter in that. Up to your dh what he does.