Is this bullying?

[daisydoo2025]

11 year old girls, history of them not getting along, but nothing specific, perhaps just rubbing each other up the wrong way.
2 incidents (that I am aware of, will be talking to the school to check) in the last week. Firstly, child a was kicking the feet of child b’s friend, and wouldn’t stop. Child b then started to do it to child a. Secondly, on a whatsapp group of a handful of girls, a conversation took place about who they would be partnered with for a school event. Child a is NOT in this chat group. Child b said they wouldn’t like to be partnered with child a, and that the last time they were it was so bad they didn’t want to go to school for the whole week.
this has gotten back to child a, child a’s parent has gone to school to complain, and the teacher has implied that child b is a bully - ‘kicking her feet on Tuesday, saying horrible things the next day, what do you think this makes you?’

personally, I think this is a bit much (unless there are things that have happened that I’m not yet privy to) but looking for opinions from others.

The kicking feet thing sounds like both kids just annoying each other.

The text conversation is, imo, bullying. Having mean conversations behind a child's back with other peers is bullying behaviour. It needs nipped in the bud before it escalates. Nothing that can't be resolved with intervention and Child B learning, with support, better social skills.

Why are 11 year olds on WhatsApp… you’re just asking for trouble on that front. It’s reknowned for bullying behaviours in children and teens

As a means of communication.

regularly checked, never found anything that I personally am unhappy with. We have strict rules that her using it depends upon.

Thank you.

when I read it I didn’t view it as being a nasty thing to say - she was just talking about her experience the last time she had to partner up with her. And it’s true, we had tears and upset at school drop off until the partnership was changed up.

You need to remind your child that things that are put on the internet/written in shared messages are there forever and to think twice about what she says/posts.

If she doesn’t like the other child that’s fine but she needs to learn to be around her without being vicious or mean.

Not everyone will have compatible personalities in life but you need to be civil and respectful.

Sounds unkind with the potential to become a pattern of bullying.

Child B shouldn't have kicked Child A. If child A was kicking someone else then Child B could just have told her to stop, and got an adult involved if she refused. Child A sounds annoying though.

Child B isn't a bully for talking about child A when child A was not even present. Child B is entitled to dislike Child A and even to say negative things about her is she wants to, so long as it's in private, but she's naive to think she can bitch about her on a Whatsapp group and think that it won't go beyond the group.

Child B needs to watch her back. Someone in that group is a little snitch and is not to be trusted. Perhaps Child B should learn that whatever her feelings about Child A, they are probably best kept to herself in future.

I have spoken to her about saying/writing things in group settings.

I won’t reprimand her for what she said though.

Nip the talking about other kids in the bud on the WhatsApp group, it’s not nice, and can escalate. If you don’t want other parents screen printing messages and taking into school as evidence then she needs to stop.

I can’t help but feel like child b saying something outside of school about child a has been taken a lot more seriously than how child a made child b feel within school. She didn’t just pluck that feeling from thin air.

I don't think either of these incidents are bullying. Kids annoy each other, fall out with each other, sometimes don't like each other. Bullying is a sustained campaign of nasty behaviour and harassment. The school shouldn't be implying that child b saying they don't want to be partnered with child a is bullying. Having said this, child b's parents need to speak to her about being careful about what's being posted in a WhatsApp group and speaking about other children in an unkind way.

Bullying is usually defined as repeated and targeted behaviour, often involving some sort of power imbalance - was just reading my school’s updated policy on this today and that’s roughly the official definition most schools use …. The behaviours you describe just sound like child b/friend and child a just aren’t being nice to each other and should probably just stay away from each other!

The group chat thing could be problematic though but you’ve addressed that yourself already anyway

They all sound incredibly immature. And they are going up to secondary? Kicking feet is what Year 1 children do.
Clearly not grown up enough to handle being in a WhatsApp group neither.
And they say girls are easier...