Is it harder to be the one to end a marriage or be the one had a spouse end it?

[LightB]

Is it harder for the one who made the decision to leave or the other way around? Who is it harder for emotionally? Practically? I’m the one who initiated separation, I’ll be the one to leave the family home and I’m the one getting blamed from both sides of our family even though I have very good reasons (related to my husband ) which I won’t go into. Obviously the other side is awful too when a spouse is blindsided.

Who is it harder for?

I guess your sample size of people who have direct experience of both is going to be quite small.

It depends I think. If everyone is being honest with each other then the hurt is probably similar for both.
In my experience, it's the ones who are lied too that emotionally suffer a whole lot more than those who do/did the lying.

I would assume it’s always far harder for the one who DIDN’T make the decision - that’s obvious surely?

You’re leaving because that’s what YOU want to do. The other person has no option. You’re getting what you want, by leaving. They’re not. So they’re worse off.

I have experienced both. I ended my first marriage because it was a mistake. We were pressured, too young and we had outgrown eachother. It was extremely difficult and I have a lot of regrets about it all. Latterly, my now ex h left me following an affair. We’d be married for many years and we had a toddler. The whole experience was utterly horrific and quite frankly, broke me. I will never have another relationship because I never want to risk feeling like that again. I’d say in my own experience that was worst of the two. It took me years to recover from.

I’ve experienced both although more often I’m the one to leave when I’ve resigned myself to the fact it’s over. It’s hard to leave someone you love. You second guess yourself and wonder if you did enough to make a go of it. But that passes when you see the behaviour that caused you to leave for what it is.
It’s much harder to be left, especially if it’s out of the blue and you don’t see it coming. That takes a lot more processing.