Where's my friend gone

[Tuggle25]

I have known this guy for about 3 years - I really like him, he has a cracking sense of humour and we get along really well. He's always been sunny and positive and made me laugh my head off. I would say since about February this year he has become quieter around me, less "at ease" and the humour has dropped off a cliff - from his end. I still try and crack jokes, he steers the convo into something more formal or doesn't reply at all. I go to hug him upon greeting - he doesn't hug back. And yet, the other day, he took a photo of me larking about in the garden and won't let me delete it off his phone. I'm not too bothered about that. But his behaviour has definitely become more formal overall.

He still clearly wants to be around me as he comes calling or tells me when he'll next be over ("I'll see you Monday anyway........") and we catch up. He tells me about what's going on in his life, he does still open up to me and I listen. I want my friend back. He's quite a bit older than me as well - 15 years. I'm 43.

I feel a kind of sadness actually. A bit like grief in a way. Where has my friend gone?

Have you talked to him about it?

I’m guessing you want people to say that he’s realised he has feelings for you? So…

Maybe he’s realised he has feelings for you?

Ask him?

This. Taking a photo and refusing to delete it is a bit strange.

This, though frankly it's a massive red flag if someone becomes humourless and quiet because they fancy you.

Maybe he's a bit down?

Perhaps you’ve pissed him off. Perhaps he’s just having a shit time at the time. We don’t know unless you ask him.

Or...he's got a girlfriend who isn't happy about his relationship with you ?

Depression, perhaps? He sounds sad. Worth asking how he is and then pressing a bit if he brushes the question off. People often need to be asked more than once before they'll open up.

I didn’t get that at all. She sounds worried about a friend.

Really? I get the impression she's more worried about herself than the friend, she's more worried about her relationship with him than if anything is going on with him.

Depression.

Ask him.
Anything anyone else says is conjecture.

Lots of possibilities. He may have feelings and want to rein in so he doesn't overstep. He may think you have feelings and doesn't want to encourage you. He may be seeing someone and wants to get your friendship to a more distant level. He may be playing games with you. He may be going through personal stuff that makes him less up for fun. If it was my good friend I'd probably just ask him.

He also may think you lead him on a bit and he is frustrated with that. Have you obviously ‘friend zoned’ him? From experience, times in the past where male friends have gone cold on me where when they finally realised we were just that…friends.

I was thinking the other way round - he thinks she fancies him but he isn't interested and is setting boundaries?

I mean, that’s the negative view, but we all have a choice to make I suppose.

This was my first thought too. Lots of men aren't good at being just friends with women unless they see it as "going somewhere" and I can see how he might have interpreted a younger woman laughing at his jokes, hugging him and having deep and meaningfuls about life was not strictly platonic.

I think he’s met someone and now needs to back off from you as he has always had feelings for you