Dad been offered a place. But lives with me.

[TheOpalFox]

My dad been offered an assisted living place , 1 mile
away from me. He lives with me
at the moment and I can look after him? But he might like his own space? What do I do? My dads a bit vunerable.
But he likes his own space . What shall I do please?

More context needed. Who put him forward for this assisted living and why? What is he struggling with? What is best for him? Is he able to tell you his views on it?

What does your dad want?

I don’t think anyone can make the decision for you. What would your dad like to do?

Assuming he has capacity it's his decision to make.

Ask him?

You'll need to.give much more.information.

Can he have carers as well as you ? In which way is he vulnerable are you thinking he can't be left alone.

Does he need a lot of care @TheOpalFox?

Has he got a dementia diagnosis?

Background? Context? Pros? Cons? No one can help you with this decision based on the incredibly limited amount of information you’ve provided.

E.g. What are your father’s vulnerabilities? How old is he? How long has he been living with you? Where was he living before and how did he cope then? Who put him forward for supported accommodation? Can he afford to live independently? What level of support is offered by this facility?

Wouldn't you be happier if he was in assisted living? Bear in mind those places can be hard to get, so he might not get offered it later on if he refuses it now.

he likes his own space

There's your answer

We had similar issue with MIL. She was living with us and wanted to stay but I could see how the situation was getting really hard and it was affecting me and dh. We couldn’t get a break or switch off. Dh wanted her to stay and she wanted to stay but I pushed for her to move to assisted living. At first everyone was upset but now it’s perfect . We don’t have the overwhelming 24/7 responsibility, MIL has deteriorated and she has professionals to help. It’s better for everyone as carer fatigue is a very real and serious thing .

I would take the place and see how it goes. Caring for someone can be both physically and mentally draining. Also for him it can be stressful living in someone elses home particularly if he likes his own space.

Presumably he has applied for this housing. Have circumstances changed since then? If the placement doesn't work out he could move back with you, if he doesn't take the place now it may not be offered again.

Look at it lobg term in both his nreds and your capacity.

Will he need it in 6 months? A year? If so a period to settle In is a good thing.

Are you the poster who blagged a 3 bedroomed council house within a few weeks claiming you needed a room for your dad knowing he wouldn't be staying with you for long...or something like that.

The threads been deleted so I can't quite remember the details. Apologies if Im wrong but the writing style is the same

Who applied for the accommodation? If he has capacity it's his decision
As he lives close to you, you can still look out for him as you do now.
All it means is he sleeps in a bedroom elsewhere
He can have carers and pendant alarms for his safety
Are you concerned that you would be told to downsize if he moved?
More context needed to advise further.

From the PP Seems I might be on the money re Downsizing!

Assisted living sounds perfect for him. He'll get help when he needs it, staff who'll keep an eye on him and make sure he's safe, and they often have loads of activities and stuff.

And he'll have lots of company. A lady I know moved into a local authority run scheme a couple of years ago, and she told me that she's never had such a good social life as she does now.

I looked after my mother at home for almost a decade until she passed away last month. She had young-onset dementia. I loved caring for her, it was the most meaningful and rewarding thing I've ever done, and she loved being at home and having her people around her all the time. Her last years were as full and happy as it's possible to have with dementia.

No one can tell you what you should do for the best and as PP have said, if your Dad has capacity it is decision, but I think at least you should tell him how you feel, which is, unless I've misunderstood your post, that you enjoy having with you and you feel you can look after him very well, but you will respect whatever he decides.
At least that way he doesn't feel like he needs to move for your sake (if he doesn't know you want him there and are happy to manage his needs) and then he can go with what's best for him without having being swayed by any mistaken beliefs about 'saving you the caring role'

Please accept the place. Caring for your dad may be possible now but his needs are only going to increase. Carer burn out is real and it ruins lives.

If he can afford it try the assisted living , he can alway come and stay sometimes .

She only moved in this week. Her dad was offered the accommodation a while back (if it's the same poster which I'm sure it is)

If he has capacity, it is his choice. What does he want to do? Does he live with you or you with him? You shouldn't let your circumstances influence the decision.

Could he have a trial-stay?

Like a few weeks or a month in the assistant living facility, see if he likes being there. Of course that would not be "his own place" either, but he would be less dependant on you.

i would let him try and then decide for himself.