Not To Invite Mum On Holiday

[KT1113]

I'm a single parent to 4, but only have 3 at home.

My mum has been an absolute rock since my husband left, he sees the kids 3 hours a week, so she steps in and helps with anything I need when I'm stuck for a second pair of hands.

Last year and the year before I paid for us all to go on holiday (her included). It worked out not much more to add her on and I'm happy to pay for her when I can afford it as she does so much for us.

This year the children have asked to go to Dubai. I'm happy with that as I went years ago and loved it. It would be far too hot for mum and she wouldn't enjoy the activities they are wanting to do now either. In addition to that, now I have more confidence with travelling with the children, I'd quite like to take them by myself, kind of to 'prove' to myself I can do it. Also, the holiday to Dubai is more expensive than the previous holidays as it is in half term, so I couldn't comfortably offer to pay for another adult this time.

I have booked it and haven't told her yet, as I feel like I'm being unkind not including her this year😔I think she'll be expecting for us all to go away later in the year as it has become the norm. Should I have offered/how can I let her know we are going alone in a kind way. I'd hate to damage our relationship, although I may well be overthinking it!

Definitely frame it as a very hot place the children want to go to so you want to know what she thinks of a long weekend etc somewhere more temperate.

Perhaps a day or two out would be nice doi g something she would like.
You are blessed to have her support.

I’m not sure I agree - you don’t need your Mum’s permission to book a holiday.

For me, one of the upsides of being a single parent is that you don’t have to consult anyone else before booking things in. Although, saying that, now DD is 16 I do have to again 😄

I also think it’s quite reasonable to want to do things at the kids’ pace.

Dubai has things to do inside and it Is blasted with A/C so she wouldn't be out/out in the heat I think you should give her the option or it will just imo look like you are no longer requiring her help and that might cause awkwardness if it is too pricey tell her that.

You don’t owe anyone a holiday neither should anyone expect a free holiday for helping out family. It’s nice that you’ve done it in the past but very reasonable and normal to want to holiday on your own with your kids and create memories as a family unit without your own mum.

She might be pleased? Dubai has such an awful reputation for human rights and being full of 'new money'/chavs. I appreciate everyone has different views so you might love it but someone of your mum's age might be delighted not to have to go?

Exactly! Your mum is a great person and loving helpful family but she isn’t your partner. You dont need to check in before making any decisions.

Have a look at when/where you might want to go as a short break together. Then tell her that you’ve decided to take the kids to Dubai at half term, and as it’s not a holiday that would suit her, that you want to arrange a trip to x with her for August.

Its great that she’s helping you, and great that you’re considering her well being as well as yourself & the DC. Enjoy your holiday.

You're more than entitled to want to go on holidays just you and the children. I do all the time as I'm solo too.

As I mother, I'm sure most mothers would understand. Yes tell her, and maybe tell her you're going to do this yearly. It doesn't meet you can never go away with her.

As I said, she would definitely not choose to go to Dubai, she's said before it wouldn't be her choice of destination. But that doesn't mean she wont be hurt at not being included on the 'family' trip this year.

It’s fine, tell her you want to prove it to yourself that you can manage by yourself - have some 1-1 kid time.

have an amazing time! Go you!

Well if she said she doesn't fancy it just take the kids it is fine, see if she fancies a long weekend somewhere

You and your children are a family without her as well as with her. If you had a partner she wouldn’t be going on every “family” holiday you booked, she can’t expect she will always be going on holiday with you and your children. It’s very very important you establish yourself now or you’ll always default to being your mother’s daughter, rather than your children’s mother. You are a mother in your own right, you are a family in your own right.

When are you going? You say half term - the next one is October (unless you mean the school summer holidays) so surely she'll be asking soon about your plans for the summer?

If you are going in October you can say me and the kids are booked for Dubai later in the year. It's been quite a costly one so I'm trying to work out if we can do a short trip in the summer as well. If we can make it work you are welcome to join us.

If you are going in the summer then you really ought to address it ASAP so she doesn't get her hopes up or feels you've kept it from her. You can use a similar approach to the above but you do need to get it out on the open. You'll feel so much better when you do.

Yes, October. Tbh I'm a hideously last minute human and the fact I've actually booked a holiday in advance would be a surprise in itself to her 🙈

I'm definitely going to talk to her at the weekend. Her birthday is in the summer holidays so I think suggesting a short break then with her as a bday present would work well now! Thanks!

I would have sounded it out before booking and explained the reasons. She sounds lovely and probably wouldn't assume to go but it would kinder to not just say you're going.