Overly sensitive about playdates!

[Lucythesquirrel]

I’m just looking for some words of wisdom regarding school play dates. My DS is 6 and seems to get on pretty well with all the boys in his class. He had a boy he was very close with but unfortunately the third boy in that group was pretty mean to him (tbh I think they were mean to eachother and just jealous over each others friendship with first boy!) so he has slightly moved away from that friendship group and now seems to mix in with everyone. My problem is, and this is definitely a me problem, whenever I hear of other boys in the class having play dates (that he is closer friends with) I get really upset that he isn’t invited! Today was example a mum I am pretty close with took her son and two other boys to soft play and I just felt a little ‘oh, why was he invited to that’. I KNOW the majority of these play dates are organised late/after school/randomly but I feel so sensitive about them. DS has been invited to a few so it’s not like he is completely left out. Someone tell me I’m being silly?

Just take your son to soft play if you know some of the other kids are going. The kids will probably be happy to see each other.

I think you're projecting all over the place here. you say it yourself, 'it's a me problem'. Recognise that this is something unresolved from your own past, and keep your son's social life entirely separate. If your son would like have go to soft play, take him. Ask him if he'd like to invite some classmates, and you can initiate it.

remember a lot of these friendships are mums who have known each other since Bsby group , nursery other places and it may be child care arrangements also

make your own play dates and try not to take things to heart so much

Be kind to yourself it’s so hard when you just want your child to fit in and be happy.

I have to ask the obligatory question… are you arranging/inviting for playdates?

I am! And I have. And there has been a fair balance of him being asked back to play dates but more after school like ‘let’s take them to the park’ or very last minute ‘what’s he doing tomorrow’ and that’s absolutely fine, and likely what happened with this one this evening but because he’s quite close to these boys and me to the mums I just thought oh they could have said!

You said there's a fair balance on the invites. It sounds like you expect him to be invited to everything?

Take the initiative to invite kids to things if you want your child to have plenty of playdates. But don't even think about what others do in their own time. Surely he also has friends outside of school or family he does things with as well as school playdates?

Yes, you are being a bit silly and over sensitive. But we all are sometimes, especially when it comes to our children.

Sometimes it’s nice to do things as a pair or a trio. Sometimes it’s nice to do things as a group. Sometimes it’s logistics, other times it’s just an off the cuff thing.

Wondering “why aren’t we invited” - assuming that, as you said, you ARE invited sometimes and there isn’t a social issue - will only drive you crazy and not improve anything.

What helped me navigate this stuff was realising no one was rejecting me or my child; we just weren’t at the top of their minds at that point. Which is normal and healthy, no one should be living rent free in other people’s heads.

😁 Thought I’d get that one out there early to avoid you being asked elentybillion times!

Now that we’ve covered that… yeah it’s a you problem 😉 it sounds like he’s got a good social calendar and it’s probably good that he’s drifted from the threesome to broaden a bit. Not sure I have any advice but maybe encouraging words… the play date years don’t last forever haha next you’ll be worried that he spends too much time with his friends!

@TheGrimSqueakersFlea i think that’s my problem and why I say it is a me problem, because I absolutely do expect him to be invited to everything and know that’s not realistic. When he isn’t I think oh no do people not like him? And I don’t know why I think like that.

@BobbyBiscuits he does have friends outside school, very close friends! So again I don’t know why I worry so much.

@MoistVonL you are absolutely right and that’s a really good way to think about things, thank you!

@saltinesandcoffeecups haha that’s true! I think I worry now, what about the teenage years….!

Yes you're being silly!