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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Relationship over, ex keeping ‘joint savings’

111 replies

FieldRunner · 03/06/2025 22:08

First of all, I know I’ve been really stupid here. Ex and I have broken up, we had been together for nearly 4 years and been saving for a house for about half of this time. Ex works in finance and persuaded me that we’d be better pooling our savings as would receive higher interest. I transferred a set amount to him each month to put into an account which he said would be a fixed interest rate. Basically it transpires that a few months in he changed this to be invested in to a Stocks ISA. He says it isn’t simple to give this back to me as the money is tied up and value is volatile as it’s the markets (I don’t really understand this).

Does anyone know if it’s hard to get this money out of a Stocks ISA? I don’t know what to do next, he is ignoring my messages now. I’ve transferred over £15,000.

OP posts:
ReadingSoManyThreads · 03/06/2025 22:54

You say he works in finance, what does he do exactly? If it involves him being registered with a body of some sort, you could potentially report him, or if not with a body, then I'd be tempted to contact his employer.

He has no plans on giving you this money back, and I highly doubt you'll see it again. You could try small claims court but that is limited to £10K I believe.

You could potentially log it with police as theft or perhaps fraud (I'm not sure), or send him a solicitor's letter to return your share of the joint savings.

It's not your problem that he's moved it elsewhere than what was agreed, so he's just making excuses in the hope that you'll give up asking and he keeps every penny as planned.

Hulabalu · 03/06/2025 22:55

Promo981 · 03/06/2025 22:50

You need to ask him what he has invested the money in and then we can help. If he has a simple ISA invested in shares then he can just sell 50% and get the cash within days. If it is a long term investment (a structured product is an example of one) then there could be complications cashing in.

Good point

MelliC · 03/06/2025 22:55

Hulabalu · 03/06/2025 22:51

I think his issue is her £15 k is no longer 15k… it’s been invested in something volatile and lost money … so he doesn’t have that amount to give back
He’s hoping he will regain losses …

Show quote history

His inability to pay doesn't particularly matter because he works in a financial industry where a crime of this nature (and it is a crime) could be awkward. He will have to find the money he stole off her and gambled without her consent by taking a loan or agreeing a payment plan.

SummerEve · 03/06/2025 22:56

AnotherDelphinium · 03/06/2025 22:43

If you’ve only discussed this verbally follow up with something written, even a WhatsApp acting a bit dim, but basically confirming he’s got over £15k of yours.

“I understand from our conversation earlier that you’ve put the joint savings in a stocks/shares ISA so it will take a little longer to withdraw, but so I can plan, how much did we have in the account before you moved it, and what do we have now?”

I definitely wouldn’t write it off, go back and find every written time you refer to it, check the references you used to transfer the £ over, give him a short time to get it back to you, and then start to make more of a fuss.

It costs 5% of the amount claimed, so £750, and you can file a money claim online. I’d give him a fortnight, and then tell him you’ll be doing this, and then follow up a week later and file if he hasn’t returned it to you.

Theres more information here - www.gov.uk/make-court-claim-for-money

Totally agree. I don’t know why so many other posters are so quick to write this money off, there is definitely a way to go yet.

cestlavielife · 03/06/2025 22:56

Was there ever a joint name savings account though?? Or did op just hand over her ££ to him?

Original poster
FieldRunner · 03/06/2025 22:57

I don’t know what it has been invested in, he said something about ‘level 7’ but it goes over my head if I’m honest. My dad would probably know but I feel too silly to speak to my parents.

OP posts:
Luddite26 · 03/06/2025 22:57

Hulabalu · 03/06/2025 22:47

i don’t think he was up to no good here. It was probably easier to manage money all in one place.
the problem is OPs 15k has possibly become £10k . He is going to need to calculate somehow exactly what she paid in and the percent decrease of the ISA over time. He can cash that in. Or transfer to OPs ISA.
either way ask provider for options on what to do

Show quote history

Sure

BIossomtoes · 03/06/2025 22:57

Hulabalu · 03/06/2025 22:54

Depends what he had it invested in I guess, he said it was volatile investment?

Show quote history

All stocks and shares investments are volatile. That’s why they’re only advised as a long term investment. The ISA is probably doing well at the moment, hence his reluctance to withdraw the money.

Original poster
FieldRunner · 03/06/2025 22:58

His job is in finance at the head office for a bank, I don’t think he has to register with any organisation etc

OP posts:
Hulabalu · 03/06/2025 22:58

cestlavielife · 03/06/2025 22:52

don’t think he was up to no good here. It was probably easier to manage money all in one place

Yes a joint name account would be fine to have joint ££ in one place
He works in finance
He knew isa was individual
He knew it was not joint

Easier to each manage an isa in their own names 2x isa allowance per tax year!!
Why did he get her to put her money in his isa? Mind boggles .

Good point he could have done a joint name account
didn’t realise he worked in finance
thought he was just a bit of an amateur like me .
I am really hoping OP can get her money back or most of it without too much hassle 🙏
It’s a lot of money .

cestlavielife · 03/06/2025 22:59

Op says ". I transferred a set amount to him each month to put into an account which he said.."

So she willingly gifted him money
Unless she has some written agreement on the purpose of the transfer ? If something is written down can go to lawyer
Perhaps he considered it due payment for his services?

ohyesido · 03/06/2025 22:59

He can sell the units for the value of what you’re owed, it’s a slightly longer process as he’ll have to contact the management company and complete the administration before they’ll release “proceeds”

Original poster
FieldRunner · 03/06/2025 22:59

BIossomtoes · 03/06/2025 22:57

All stocks and shares investments are volatile. That’s why they’re only advised as a long term investment. The ISA is probably doing well at the moment, hence his reluctance to withdraw the money.

Show quote history

I assume it doesn’t pay out interest? So just depends on the balance on any given day.

OP posts:
Hulabalu · 03/06/2025 23:00

FieldRunner · 03/06/2025 22:57

I don’t know what it has been invested in, he said something about ‘level 7’ but it goes over my head if I’m honest. My dad would probably know but I feel too silly to speak to my parents.

level 7 Sounds high risk OP 😬
I am hopeful this will get sorted amicably between the two of you

ReadingSoManyThreads · 03/06/2025 23:00

PinkFrogss · 03/06/2025 22:52

Why would the financial conduct authority care about what individuals have done?

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Because he works in finance for a bank. What he's done may potentially be fraud and theft.

Hulabalu · 03/06/2025 23:01

FieldRunner · 03/06/2025 22:58

His job is in finance at the head office for a bank, I don’t think he has to register with any organisation etc

Hmm just because of this doesn’t make him expert unfortunately even though he might think he is …

S0j0urn4r · 03/06/2025 23:02

You need proper financial and legal advice.

WinSomeandLoseSome · 03/06/2025 23:03

Enrichetta · 03/06/2025 22:20

He could sell the shares tomorrow.

if he wanted.

but he doesn’t.

I fear you’ll never see this money again.

This. I have one of these accounts and you can cash it in at any time. Do you have records of what you transferred to him?

CombatBarbie · 03/06/2025 23:03

MelliC · 03/06/2025 22:50

This is just theft.

Send him a letter laying out the details of the fraud he has perpetrated against you. Tell him he needs to return the money. How he does this is not your concern. He can take a loan out if necessary.

If he does not comply you will be issuing a claim against him, reporting him to the Financial Conduct Authority and copying his employer in to your letter. He will care about this.

Chat GPT will give you a great letter that will get results

This.....

Hulabalu · 03/06/2025 23:03

FieldRunner · 03/06/2025 22:59

I assume it doesn’t pay out interest? So just depends on the balance on any given day.

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If there is interest it may be getting reinvested

cestlavielife · 03/06/2025 23:03

How is it theft? She gave him money willingly

How is it fraud? Maybe if she can show he defrauded her. ??
Op can ask for "her" money back.
He can say what money? It is my account.

BIossomtoes · 03/06/2025 23:04

FieldRunner · 03/06/2025 22:59

I assume it doesn’t pay out interest? So just depends on the balance on any given day.

Show quote history

Exactly. It goes with the markets. Ours lost about 10% when Trump was playing silly buggers with tariffs but they’ve gone up a lot in the last few weeks.

Hulabalu · 03/06/2025 23:08

MelliC · 03/06/2025 22:55

His inability to pay doesn't particularly matter because he works in a financial industry where a crime of this nature (and it is a crime) could be awkward. He will have to find the money he stole off her and gambled without her consent by taking a loan or agreeing a payment plan.

Show quote history

I’m not convinced it’s a crime.
no written agreement between him & OP.

NewBinBag · 03/06/2025 23:08

FieldRunner · 03/06/2025 22:57

I don’t know what it has been invested in, he said something about ‘level 7’ but it goes over my head if I’m honest. My dad would probably know but I feel too silly to speak to my parents.

Some investment platforms (Chip for example) use levels of 1-7 to illustrate how risky a product is. 7 is the highest risk so potential for big returns or big losses. It's irrelevant to this really, he might incur a penalty but can get your money back & he should have thought about that before risking your deposit in a high risk account without your consent.

I agree with the PP who suggested he may have lost & is bluffing in the hope it will recover. Fuck that - he can give you your 15k and take the loss on his crap investment.

Tell your Dad. If he's usually supportive, he will want to help you manage this, you don't have to worry on your own.
We all make mistakes & we all learn from them

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