Line between kids being annoying and me being a bad mum - holiday

[Hollibobby]

I don’t know where the line is from me being unable to stand my children to my children being so toxic that it’s their fault!?

I go from feeling like they are selfish and demanding to me feeling like I’m the horrible mum.

I have 2 teens one tween and a baby. The teens wind up the 10 year old. Bully her over stupid tiny things and she screams and defends herself, argues back and then it goes in for ages.

They complain they are bored but don’t want to do anything.

I’m feeling like I want to just chill with the baby now. There’s no enjoyment.

I don't think it has to be either. The dc are just being dc, you're dealing with a baby which is hard work. You sound like you're stretched really thin and you're exhausted, and I'm not surprised.

It sounds like fairly normal sibling behaviour rather than your children being 'toxic' from what you've said so far.

What's going on in your life that's making it hard to deal with normal (albeit extremely irritating) behaviour from your children?

When my eldest DCs were younger (now late 20s), we had a static caravan in Devon. I worked term time only & used to spend the 6 weeks during the summer alone (mostly) there with them.

I absolutely lost track of the amount of times I felt my DCs were the worst behaved, or I was being the worst mum. I especially remember one day when I marched them off the beach after 8 minutes because they were throwing sand in each other’s faces. I also marched them home from the kids show several times for arguing.

Now that mine are older I notice that, actually, loads of other parents are having the same battles. Rather than judge their parenting or behaviour I just feel empathy. I do also have a younger child, but as the elder two were teens when she was born, there has been no rivalry or twatting about & they both adore her & help us watch her.

Moral of the story. It’s definitely not just you and yes, it will get better.

I just feel horrible that I want time to myself and that I don’t want to spend time with them. That I’m finding their “regular” behaviour toxic as everyone seems to be having a turn to cry over an argument. I’m witnessing everyone getting nausea and watching how they treat each other.

Me and the 10 year old throwing up and laying down quietly. The eldest was saying the 10 year old is faking it and taking the piss when she was vomitting. Now it’s his turn and he is really selfish and historical when he is ill telling everyone to move and being spiteful caring like he’s the only ill person here.

Also feeling that they are sensing that I don’t want to be around them because of their behaviour and that they will remember this feeling and think that I’m a bad mum.