Grandparents and other grandchildren

[Daddytotwogirlandboy]

Hi all, I'm a dad to two and looking for advice on how to deal with an issue regarding grandparents, my parents.

Ever since my daughter was born I feel there hasn't been a connection between her and her grandparents. She's in the middle of all the grand kids but I feel as though the first 3 grand kids born by my siblings are their favourites. They always had a lot more attention when growing up, fun days out, sleep overs, even a holiday but I can honestly count on one hand the amount of time alone they have had with my daughter in nearly 7 years.

I've hinted many times you can have my daughter for the day or for a few hours and always got a slight laugh with yeah right. She's not a naughty kid at all, she's a loveable slightly more active than most kids and extremely polite. I've even asked and usually get oh I've got plans or I need to get on with a project at home. They never ask how she's getting on at school, yet at a family gathering they are so eager to know how the first 3 are getting on. I feel like I'm making all the effort and if I didn't go see them they wouldn't be that interested at all.

She doesn't seem too phased by not being close but I feel gutted and feel like my child isn't as important and I feel like my second one will get treated exactly the same.

They aren't even old grandparents as such either which I could understand.

Just looking for general advice if anyone has been through the same.

Thank you.

What does 'slightly more active' mean? They may be finding her too much to deal with.

By slightly active I mean, she wants to play games more or play on her bike instead of watching TV or iPad etc. Even as a toddler/baby they never showed interest compared to the others.

Are the others geographically closer so it's easier for them to spend time? Or maybe it's related to the relationship you/siblings have with your parents?

We are all pretty similar distance from them. They have been to our house 3 times in 3 years but well over double figures for the others.

Did your parents have favourite when you were a child? If you were the least favourite, maybe that has been passed onto your kids.

What would happen if you spoke them about it? Would they deny it and take it badly?

What are your in-laws like as grandparents? Are your children close to them?

Does it bother your daughter or doesn't she notice the difference in treatment between her and the other grandchildren. If she starts to notice this herself, you will probably need to speak to your parents or keep her away altogether if this is upsetting her.

My mother was always far more interested in my sister’s kids than my mine, just as she was much more interested in my sister than me. It boiled my piss even more than the favouritism to my sister. My kids did spot this but when they were older than yours is.

Are the other GC boys?

Are the other grandchildren your sister(s)' kids? Grandparents in general just seem to prefer their daughter's children don't ask me why but certainly the case in our family.

The 3 they seem to favour are from sister and brother but they were born between 5 and 9 years before mine. It feels as though they did all the fun grandparent stuff with them and wasn't interested in doing it with mine. An example was recently we went to visit, wasn't offered dinner and wasn't expecting it either but I found out the next day my sibling went and they took them to McDonald's etc for a treat.

I think it comes down to the fact they’re nearly a decade older than they were when the other grandchildren were born. They don’t have the same energy for a younger child, it doesn’t mean they love her less but the relationship will be different.

Hi semper. I totally get that, but they were just over mid 50s when my daughter was born. And to this day they still do stuff with the other 3 grand kids but mine gets left out. I might be being unreasonable but if they can still do days out with the others then surely a trip to the park with mine can't be bad 😞

You need to accept that the grandparents don’t love their grandchildren the same. However much you push, it’s not going to change their opinion.

I bet your dd is fab but whatever the reason, your parents have made their decision and I’d stop chasing them for attention when their actions have made things super clear. It’s not fair but they clearly don’t care. by any chance did your parents favour your siblings ? Favourite children often end up being the parents of the favourite grandchildren.

Continuing to chase them risks dd knowing that she’s not a favourite grandchild and this knowledge affecting her self esteem.

Do they like your wife? I’m not being rude or by any means saying that their behaviour is fair, merely looking for their strange reasoning.

3 times in 3 years?
How far away are you?

I feel for you OP. I have 3 (now adult) kids who were absolutely adored and doted on by my parents, as they are their only grandchildren (although I do believe if my only sibling had ever had children, my DP would have treated them exactly the same). However, there was definitely some unequal treatment from their other other grandparents, i.e., my PIL. My DP is the youngest of 5, and all his sibling's children had more contact and attention from GP than mine ever did. However, I think this may have been because they saw how much time my parents spent with them and felt they weren't needed so much. How close are your DC to the other set of GP's? Is it possible that your parents peceive that you don't need them so much?