Wondering if my Mother is exatturating cancer scare

[Lavenderfarmcottage]

Please skip to final paragraph *** for the short version of this !! Apologies if the sensitive medical issue and unusualness of this post offends or upsets anyone.

A bit of an unusual thread. Wondering if this time my Mum’s cancer scare is genuine.

My Mum is turning 64 and has a history of exatturating and lying. This is mainly done be being vague and getting angry when asked about anything she feels uncomfortable about.
In the past she has lied about cancer while going for routine tests or checks and told us she has cancer when they’re in the very early stages of tests for general issues which turn out to be all fine.

I’ve only noticed the extent of her lying as time has gone on. I think sometimes she twists stories and genuinely doesn’t realise she’s being obtuse, vague or reframing and twisting the story - leaving out crucial pieces of information.

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My Mother has said that her GP found a breast lump. She said that the lump was examined by the GP who said it was 8cm and there was signs of dimpling, orange peeling, veins and it is in the arm pit breast area. She said this had been “fast tracked” for a mammogram and aspiration this week. She is now saying it’s actually next week (so 2 weeks after appointment).

Basically, my question is, does this sound genuine given her history of exatturating and lying even about cancer scares ?

My main tumor was only 3cm which is very small, but the lump was HUGE (I guess it was seated in other benign lumpy tissue)
I actually saw a scan of it at the oncologists office the other day and I was amazed. Because of course it’s not a ball, it’s like an area on a map, it’s 3-D but an irregular shape, almost like a tangled up piece of plastic in the sea. It kind of blew my mind to see it, and I thought it would’ve been good to know this before. Anyway, it’s not like a walnut or something and 8cm may be quite undetectable depending on where it is

Possibly she is exaggerating, misheard or other. We can't say.
Could you go with her for the mammogram/aspiration?

🙄 I am on here so I don’t even have to tell her that I suspect anything.

I do however want to know for myself how much of her story is realistic.

This thread has been helpful - I now know that gaging the size through a GP check is unlikely and or not specific.

It does change things as 8cm would be stage 3 cancer at least so it means that things might not be as risky & scary as I thought.

If she can feel the lump she might be estimating it’s size.
What she has said sounds accurate to me.
I don’t like it when people doubt people going through health issues. Even if it turns out to be nothing, it is a cancer scare and it will be scary for her going through the testing.
Don’t doubt it without proof that it’s not true, it’s cruel, one day it could be you in those shoes and you will find out how horrible it feels.

This is now getting exhausting and frustrating.

My Mother has completely fabricated having cancer in the past & other things.

Im not suggesting telling her she is faking cancer.

Of course im going to give her the benefit of the doubt but im going to also keep in mind the information i gather here.

Two weeks is the standard time. I know someone who found a lump recently and it was referred to be seen within two weeks. Normal.

The 8 cm is big so maybe she got it wrong and is .8cm. Do you want to take the chance if it is true that you didn’t believe her? Doctors don’t just refer for no reason and if she was examined something was found.

AFAiK the size of the tumour and the stage (i.e. whether it has spread to other places like lymph nodes) are two different things, so you may be getting a little ahead of yourself here.

I feel like most posters don’t seem to be understanding why I would want to know for myself, the likelihood of her story. I have no intention of telling my mother she is a liar. I just don’t want to be lead down a garden path with theatrics and drama unwittingly for the fiftieth time.

Thankyou for the caring responses.

Best wishes to those with breast cancer, you will be in my prayers tonight.

As someone who had a similar mother I'd just nod and make all the right noises until she has this appointment and gets some scans. Take everything she says with a bucket of salt.

@Lavenderfarmcottage I’ll just add that even if she does have BC the reassurance the BC nurse gave me was that’s it’s one of the ‘best’ cancers to get as it’s been so well researched the treatments are very well understood and sort of bespoke to the type of BC that’s found.

The best way to find out is to offer to go with her to the appointment for further scans. You can hold her hand and hear exactly what she is told.

Editing to add that she may have health anxiety which causes her to catastrophise every little thing. Like a dodgy mole must be melanoma and she is dying. If she’s not alone, maybe you can be the voice of calm and reason.

I have a relative that regularly fakes serious illnesses, including brain tumours, heart disease and multiple cancers. It’s exhausting. You never know whether one day it’ll turn out to be true, so it’s stressful.
I hope you get some answers soon.

Alrighty then… just trying to understand where you were coming from before answering. 🤷‍♀️

You’re absolutely not wrong to feel conflicted – it’s incredibly hard when someone has a pattern of exaggerating or twisting the truth, especially about something as serious as cancer. That doesn’t make you heartless; it makes you human, and a bit emotionally bruised from past experiences.

The symptoms she’s described could be signs that need urgent follow-up – which the GP seems to have recognised. But the delay in timing and the shifting story do raise fair questions, especially given the history.

I think the best way to protect yourself here is to stay calm, compassionate, and a bit detached emotionally. Acknowledge the situation, check in gently, but don’t let yourself get too pulled into panic unless you have confirmation. Keep healthy boundaries – it’s possible to be supportive without being swept up in drama.

You’re not being unreasonable to question it, and you’re definitely not alone in dealing with this kind of family dynamic. 💐