Partners Brother Not Happy.

[Helbel1977]

3 years ago almost to the day, we where on our way to a family party, I was the designated driver it was a very sunny evening in a part of the city im not familiar with. I turned the corner onto a junction with large tenement style bulding, going from the shade of the building to the bright sunshine I was blinded and crashed into a metal railing.

In the car was DP 2 DC and MIL, MIL was sitting in the back passenger seat and was injured by the seat belt due to the impact. She was really badly brused and wad in alot of pain, no one else where hurt.

Fastfoward until now we don't have much contact with BIL I haven't really noticed a change in contact since this accident. However he is not happy about the crash and would have expected a personal phone call to explain to him what had happened at the time, not heard from others. Also 2 months afterwards was his 50th birthday and we didn't sent him anying disbite his DP remembering us it was coming up.

Not sure what to do about this. It never occurred to me to contact him after the accident and we were on holiday when it was his birthday.

WWYD

But why can’t he find out from his mother, who was actually in the accident?

Ok but your DH could at least sent him a card, that's pretty poor he didnt, especially since it was his 50th

Nothing. It’s up to your dp to sort

Not as odd as your DH not wishing his brother a Happy 50 th Birthday though!

He's probably heard his mother's version of events as he heard about the accident from others and given the OP and his brother haven't told him anything about it that only really leaves his mum and given she was badly hurt she probably doesn't remember much about the whole thing.

So why not call his brother? Why wait to be called as if he is the head of the family and must be informed?

MIL was bruised, she didn’t hurt her head, so her version of the events should be fine, not sure why he needs a blow by blow account.

@Helbel1977 but did he get in touch with you or your husband to find out if everything was okay?

I do think ignoring a 50th is off.

Nothing in the OPs posts suggests he didn't contact his brother.

Well it’s implied by ‘However he is not happy about the crash and would have expected a personal phone call to explain to him what had happened at the time, not heard from others.’

Doesn’t sound like he called but only OP can confirm.

Anyway, why moan about not getting a call?

He's being weird. Your MIL, DH and BIL all had the ability to communicate. You were probably quite shaken as the driver too. There's no reason on earth for you as the driver to ring around and discuss the details of the crash with all your MIL's various friends and relations. If BIL wanted more details from you, he should've just asked.

Ignoring a 50th birthday is a bit off but hardly worth holding a grudge over. My brothers don't recognise my birthday. They're just a bit useless at social stuff.

Haha. He's taken against your family and been sulking for 3 years but you didn't notice! What a tool. Let him carry on.

Did he find out the details from his mother or brother? In which case that’s enough and they’re was no need for you to call.

Your h is pretty crappy not to acknowledge a landmark birthday even if it was in a low key way as he’s clearly not close to his sibling. Either way - not your fault.

How long has your MIL been sitting on the crash info? If it’s 3 years then I do judge MIL for not telling you years ago.

You had no reason to contact him - both letting him know re the accident (reasonable, just fhi) and remembering his birthday were DH’s jobs to do.

Only thing that might be unreasonable- when you say back passenger seat, was she sat in the middle? I’d have expected your DH to take that “worst” seat and put MIL in the front, but again that was up to him to make happen.

It's DPs brother so his decision whether to contact or not.
Depends how close a family they are normally

I can’t believe that there are actually people here who think the BIL is right to cool the relationship over not being wished happy birthday three years ago. I mean come on!

Assuming MIL hasn’t been in a coma for the past three years she’s been perfectly capable of telling him what happened.

But he wants you to explain yourself? Who the fuck does he think he is!

Honestly I would just roll my eyes at this stage and be grateful that he’s not speaking to you. He’s a monumental twat.

Thanks everyone, you're all right not my circus 😃