Am I allowed to be upset here?

[ThisAmberShark]

For context - old childhood friend came out of the woodwork around the time she got engaged, by inviting me and my OH to her wedding. We saw her and her OH a lot socially in the run up to her wedding, and before ours. She came to my hen do, lied about why she left early (a Facebook post caught her out) and we've not seen them socially since my wedding.

She couldn't understand that bad morning sickness meant I couldn't eat out for the duration of my pregnancy, and they bailed last minute on the baby shower. She messaged me when my baby was born, didn't understand that it took me almost 3 months to feel human again after a c-section, and hasn't messaged me beyond a generic reply to a happy birthday message last summer.

She didn't message me to even wish my DD happy birthday.

Am I right in being upset by her actions? Or am I being unreasonable and expecting too much from someone I've known for over 20 years?

As I said earlier, it took 3 months to feel human. I was messaging her during this period.

No idea why people are being so odd about morning sickness. I've been exactly the same in all my pregnancies. I vomited up to 23 weeks, then hsd horrendous acid reflux until the end. I used to eat the same one meal a day spread out. Horrendous.

Regarding your friend, just step back from this. People do change after you have a child and friendships don't always stay strong. You are in different stages of life.

I’m surprised by the people saying they don’t know their friends children’s birthday.

Admittedly I have a small circle of friends, all, apart from one, are friends since Primary School, but I know the dates of all their children’s birthdays, and they know mine.

Not trying to start an argument, just find it a bit odd.

Thank you for sharing, some of us have near-debilitating morning sickness, it's no joke! Glad yours was only up to 23 weeks, mine went right up to 40 weeks! The reflux is hideous isn't it?!

I know the dates of my friends' children's birthdays too, or at least the week of! At least 5 of my friends sent a birthday message to DD!

Just to add OP I had HG with all 3 pregnancies, it was so bad with my first one that I was constantly in and out of hospital and nearly died. I totally get where you're coming from with that and as you can see from some of the comments on your thread, people who haven't experienced it just can't comprehend how bad it can be (including some of the nurses the first time I was in hospital, one in particular was exceptionally awful to me and the other woman on the ward with HG). I think your friend probably falls into the category of "cannot comprehend it".

You mean "people change when they have a child", not the other way round!

It's life, and having kids should change you, but it's unfair to pretend it's others who are different.

Other people can change though, when someone in their circle becomes a parent. It's not just the parent that changes.

change how?

Carry on as normal, but without the new parent- ex friend whose life and thoughts revolve around babies
or change as in suddenly taking on different hobbies and new friends

Change the way they treat you. Think they're being a good friend by giving you space, rather than showing any interest in meeting your child.

You are aware that parents can socialise without their child once they're happy to be away from them for a couple of hours, right?

I am a mum, but thanks for clarifying 😂

You are aware that some new mums cannot talk about anything else than their baby, aren't you? And even for someone who has children like me, it's so incredibly boring.

rather than showing any interest in meeting your child.
Babies are not terribly fascinating for anyone who is not their parent or grand-parent you know?

My friends didn't change the way they treated me. If someone gives you space, it's nice - but you just need to call them or arrange something.

😂 Yeah, I completely get it with the mums that just talk about their kids and nappies etc! I'm through that phase thankfully haha

It's funny reading your thoughts on that cos a few of my friends seem more interested in seeing DD than they do me nowadays, so maybe it depends on social circles, idk? Again the majority of my friends haven't changed how they treat me, and it's still a mutual case of back and forth checking on each other and reaching out. Maybe that's why I'm noticing so much where communication seems to have completely broken down?