Divided opinion on siblings.

[Pinksnow21]

Me and my husband have a baby together. We have a non existent support network. I do everything with the baby - look after her all day and all the night feeds.
I find it easy and take it in my stride.

My husband says he feels he isnt very in tune with babies and struggles to cope on his own.

She is nearly 1 and I would love for her to have a sibling. When speaking with my husband about it previously he said adding to our numbers is a bad idea, as given our lack of support we would be putting more pressure on ourselves.

I have recently found out I'm pregnant but haven't told anyone. I'm terrified this is going to cause a massive rift between me and my husband because we're so divided.
I don't want to force him into a situation he doesn't want to be in and he ends up resenting us.
But I also don't want to regrettably go through with a termination.

It's a short term pressure in terms of time as one day they will play together, but it will be hard those first years. It sounds like you do most of it atm and so you'll be doubling your own workload. If you can do that and your husband can wait out the baby years (though I'm not condoning that as noone knows how to care for a baby really, you learn to!) Then it could be worth it in the bigger picture.

If he didn’t want another baby right now, he should have been extra careful not to get you pregnant. It’s not just your responsibility.

I don't want to force him into a situation he doesn't want to be in and he ends up resenting us.

If you go through with a termination for fear of his reaction, won’t you just end up resenting him?

This is very true... it leads me to believe it's impossible for this situation to have a positive outcome.

You need to tell him and discuss your options.

I feel like I should also add, we don't live together and we don't see eachother everyday either.

The baby lives with me, so the majority of the time having a baby does not effect him at all.

Why do you and your husband live apart? Work or something else?

You won't know what his reaction is until you tell him. Best to start with that, then at least you know what you are dealing with.

We both have other children from previous relationships that live with us full time so we find it easier to keep to our original living arrangements. We have a view to merge houses once the children are a bit older

Have you suggested this may be why he isn’t comfortable and confident with the baby? If he hardly sees the child and never has them alone how is he supposed to learn? You need to take a holiday and let him figure it out. But at 1 year on and he hasn’t made the least bit of effort I would consider him pretty useless. Better off on your own with 2 kids than dragging his carcass along too, surely.

So your child already has siblings. How many? Are you working? How do you afford to financially support two households?

It sounds that he wasn't keen on another child yet you went ahead because you do.

Not much anyone can advise you. You got pregnant despite him saying he didn't want that to happen. Did he forget to put it on despite knowing you were not on any protection, or did you stop your protection without telling him. Or is it one of those incredible serendipity case of a very rare accident that just happens when tou wanted it?

Whatever the above will most likely I.pact on his reaction. Then again, maybe he'll be over the moon.you won't k ow until tou tell him and he deserves to know asap.

What do you want from this thread?

Your baby already has plenty of step siblings but you only give them a passing mention on a later post.

Seems this is all about you wanting another baby but you don’t seem very invested in the children you already have?

What do they think of the current situation?

I obviously sympathise with you and your situation but there are so many moving pieces here and it is so easy to see why he did not want another child at this stage. Obviously, it takes two to make a child so if he did not want another then he should have taken steps to ensure this is does not happen. Had you two discussed birth control? Were you two actively taking measures to ensure it does not happen but it failed you?
You seem to both have other children so obviously the baby already has many siblings from the sound of it and wasnt like an only child? If you do not live together and do not have any family support around you, what plans do you have regarding taking care of two little ones alone along with keeping up with the other older DC? Do you work to support your respective household and you would need to take a stepback in order to single handedly take care of the little ones? What are the financial implications of this?
There is so much missing information for anyone to give you sound advice.

Well, given you both have other children as well as the baby, I would have said don’t have another. But you’re pregnant, so it’s got to be first and foremost your choice about how you feel about that. Assume he’ll leave and you’ll get no help from him, do you still want the baby. If you do, don’t let him sway you otherwise 💕

Unless you’ve lied to him about contraception, you aren’t forcing him into anything. He chose to come inside you and now a pregnancy exists whether he likes it or not. You clearly don’t want to terminate, so don’t. It’s too big a regret to carry if you aren’t 100% sure it’s what you want. But after this one, you probably should stop having babies because it sounds like there are already a lot of children to consider here, and blending will never work for all of them.