Registering baby’s birth

[serena1988]

My baby is now 3 weeks old and we have the birth registration appointment today. The relationship has been steadily going downhill for a while now due to partner’s demands which I won’t go into detail but basically we had a massive argument this morning and said we are separating. This has happened many times but eventually things cool down and we go back to being ok, until he starts the argument again. I am not sure what will happen with us to be honest, at the moment I am totally done with it but also very dependant on him and the lifestyle we have, not to mention I want my kids to have a present father. We have another child together who has his surname an he his on the birth certificate.
I don’t know what to do about today’s appointment, do I add him as the father? Do I use his surname so both children have the same surname? What would be best for the children?
Thank you

I would either:

Give the baby my surname and change siblings surname so it’s the same.
or
Double barrel baby’s surname (with yours first).

But really the only option for me is the first.

If he pulls this shit again before the rescheduled appointment, which wouldn't surprise me because clearly the point of today was for you to beg and plead with him to pleeeeeease, pleeeeease come and let you give baby his name, FGS just go ahead and register them under your own name and without details of father.

You can give your baby any surname.

I agree with this.
Why put his surname down, you can easily change your first child’s name. Then you three are all the same. Why not!

Agree all this crap about kids always having to have the fathers surname is all so sexist it really bugs me.

Why put his surname down, you can easily change your first child’s name. Then you three are all the same. Why not!

she can't easily change her first child's surname when she's dealing with an abusive man who has PR - she'd need his permission to change it.

At most court would allow her, if he doesn't agree to an change, to double barrel the names

Yes that could be a plan of action if things continue the same. Although he would have to agree to change our first child’s surname to mine as he is in the birth certificate and I do not think I would get him to do that easily.

According to OP he’s not interested. So I doubt he would object but yes, I agree there’s more to it than OP just filling out a form herpartner would need to agree too in order to make the process ‘easy’

I wouldn’t want my kids to carry the surname of a person who treats me like that, who’d want that constant reminder

Its tradition that seems to make some women feel that the kids get the dads name
Women carry them and give birth and it looks like OP will be doing most of the caring after too. So why can’t she have her surname for both……in these circumstances I would. Each to their own.

Is he still hiding in the shed OP ?
Why not tell him the ‘potential’ plan and ask him

I would have gone today, but as you've now rescheduled, the main thing is to make sure there's no further delays. However much he pisses about.

Yes he is and most likely will for the rest of the day. He doesn’t know I’ve rescheduled but he has very clearly and rudely stated via text he doesn’t want to go and he doesn’t want the baby to have his name. I know this is not true but he is being a jerk. At least I have some time to think what to do since it has been rescheduled. I would just hate for DCs to have different surnames and once he is not mad anymore he won’t allow me to change my first child’s name.

According to OP he’s not interested. So I doubt he would object but yes, I agree there’s more to it than OP just filling out a form herpartner would need to agree too in order to make the process ‘easy’

I wouldn’t want my kids to carry the surname of a person who treats me like that, who’d want that constant reminder

Its tradition that seems to make some women feel that the kids get the dads name
Women carry them and give birth and it looks like OP will be doing most of the caring after too. So why can’t she have her surname for both……in these circumstances I would. Each to their own.

He's an abusive man. He's highly unlikely to easily allow the Op to change the child's name regardless of his interest. That's how men like him work.

It quite probable that at some point, if the OP does register their new baby without him, that he'll use that to attack her with. No matter what she does he'll use it to be abusive because that's what they do.

It's not about what I would do or what you would wish to do do it's about understanding that she's dealing with an abusive prick who is unlikely to make anything easy, and quite likely to use anything to attack.

@serena1988 Have you got people around that you can confide it?

Somewhere you can go if he kicks off?

Agree as @ARichtGoodDram has suggested what might he do if you don’t do as he wishes

At the moment
If you want both kids to have the same name, that’s not what he wants
If you give dc2 your name, as that’s what he wants, will he then agree to change dc1s name.

You need to put this to him, when he calms down.

Tbh that's what I would do. But then I've always been if he opinion that if a man wants the child to have his surname then he should marry the mother

Mind you when mine the were born the fathers didn't have PR unless they were married to the mother. It was very helpful when my DDs dad was an arse as I held all the legal rights. It changed in 2003 a week after my DS was born Shame they changed it really