or is my dh?

[naturalblonde]

Bit of background, his younger brother (14) lives about 300 miles away with their mother. He's a bit of a handfull, getting into trouble, skiving off school etc, but quite a nice lad. He's recently got into a whole lot of trouble with the police, and my dh wants him to move in with us indefinitely so we can 'straighten him out' as his mother doesn't seem to be able to. (She'll ground him, then let him out when he annoys her, etc)

I've always said when bro finishes school he can move in, as long as he is in full time work or education, but dh wants him now. I see his point, bro is at an age where he could go one way or the other, and we both feel that being here with us is better for him.

But, we have a dd 1.8, and I'm 5 months pregnant, and I don't think I can cope with a newborn, a toddler and a difficult teenager.

I've suggested we have him from now until end of summer holidays, then send him home to his mum, in time for new baby, but dh says no, he won't send him back.

AIBU to say no? (At least for a couple of years) I just think i need to put my children first before i start taking on someone elses.

personally i totally understand where ur coming from, i was in the same position, unfortunately its too late now if i could turn the clock back i'd let him stay yes.

Even at this age (especially at this age...) kids need to feel cared about, and they want and need firm boundaries, even when they kick against them.

Being part of a proper stable family, where he knows he matters and that you are concerned about him and taking an interest in his life and his future, could be the making of him - it would be a fantastic thing to do for him, but he does need to understand and appreciate the effects of late pregnancy and new babies

NB, you never came across as uncaring btw. But it's wise to thinking about how your lives mgiht change before he comes rather than after!

He's in court! AT 14? How did your husband turn out to be a responsible caring person with his mother as a mother?? Was she better back then?

Ihink his mother pushed for him to go to court, not really sure, but I think she told the police to throw the book at him. Hopefully it'll scare the crap out of him and he won't try anything like this again.

My dh said he was the same at his age, just never got caught - funny thing is, he's now a police officer!! I suspect that the root cause of bro's behaviour is to get my dh's attention.

Anyway, we had a quick chat about it tonight, and I think we're gonna try to have him for the summer holidays, so at least he can't hang around with his mates getting into trouble. Although I've said he has to get a part time job, I'm not having him thinking it's just an excuse to spend 6 weeks on the PS3!

Meant to add, dh agreed with me that a toddler, newborn, and difficult 14 year old was too much to expect me to cope with, so he won't be moving here permanently just yet.

I think your dh sounds amazing and caring.

My nephew (my sister's ds) went to live with his real dad when he was 13 ish. The dad was a complete idiot - in and out of jail. My sister just wanted rid of my nephew, and it ruined him. My nephew has been in jail a few times, has a record, low self esteem - the list goes on.

I just tell you that as a cautionary tale of what could happen to this boy. I think if you CAN manage it, and it may not be easy, then you may be saving this boy's life. Maybe he just needs for someone to REALLY care about him.

Maybe get advice on how to set down ground rules, etc?

Good luck - as you can see by the replies, not everyone would do it, and I'm not sure I would - hats off to you both.