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AIBU?

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Original poster

Have I messed my life up

15 replies

Fuckingoops · 03/06/2025 09:13

I'm 34 with two kids 12 and 8, no real qualifications or work experience or anything except a few years working in shops and bars etc before kids were born and whilst ds1 was small.
Single parent and ds1 has Sen and goes to a special school, ds2 has his own difficulties with school also
now that the kids are a bit older I'm thinking wtf have I done where did time go?
how am I supposed to get a 'proper' job ever? I am also autistic myself and have mental health problems I am generally really bad at everything especially socially.
im really panicking now about what I am going to do with the rest of my life outside of the kids

OP posts:
Agix · 03/06/2025 09:30

Sounds like a good time for some remote learning, get some basic qualifications. Just whatever you're interested in. Many can be free.

ACynicalDad · 03/06/2025 09:33

Look at SuperMums training as a salesforce admin, it will cost a bit but it's flexible work and you can earn reasonable money easily and very good money if you work at it and take further training.

ColinCaterpillarsNo1Fan · 03/06/2025 09:43

Your local college will have courses you can do for free because you're not working so I assume you're on benefits. There are plenty of remote jobs available that you can work around your kids. This will probably suit you better than a fully on-site role although hybrid can be an option.

Have a look on this site for jobs you like the sound of then check the requirements and make a plan to work towards qualifications & training for similar roles in the future.
https://www.charityjob.co.uk/jobs?workplace=remote

Contact ambitious about autism and your local autism charities as they will have specialised training & internships for people with autism.

https://www.ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk/what-we-do/services/i-am-an-autistic-young-person/employment-support-and-resources

Employment support and resources

Ambitious about Autism is the national charity for autistic children and young people. We stand with autistic children, young people and their families to champion rights, campaign for change and create opportunities.

https://www.ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk/what-we-do/services/i-am-an-autistic-young-person/employment-support-and-resources

ColinCaterpillarsNo1Fan · 03/06/2025 09:48

Don't pay for any training especially as you've said that you struggle with processes in jobs because of your autism. It might be better to contact local charities like Mencap, scope etc to learn intervention strategies. These will then help you cope better in a job, autism is a disability which is protected untlder the equality act. Employers have to make reasonable adjustments for you at work.

givemushypeasachance · 03/06/2025 09:55

Do you live in a city, a big town, or a little village? Are you within walking distance of places that jobs tend to be, or do you drive/have a car, is there public transport? What did you do at school/college e.g. do you have passes in GCSE Maths and English, did you do A Levels or any technical courses at a college, did you leave school at 16? What did you originally want to do before you had kids, what would 18 year old you have said you wanted to do for a job/career?

Chiseltip · 03/06/2025 10:15

What do you mean by "mental health problems"?

This is relevant to any advice.

But you're absolutely not too late to sort things out. You're young, and you have the desire to change, so you're half way there already.

The Open University is a good place to start. There are also some well paid jobs that don't need degrees.

You can absolutely do this.

Original poster
Fuckingoops · 03/06/2025 13:38

givemushypeasachance · 03/06/2025 09:55

Do you live in a city, a big town, or a little village? Are you within walking distance of places that jobs tend to be, or do you drive/have a car, is there public transport? What did you do at school/college e.g. do you have passes in GCSE Maths and English, did you do A Levels or any technical courses at a college, did you leave school at 16? What did you originally want to do before you had kids, what would 18 year old you have said you wanted to do for a job/career?

A town but not a big one although easy to get to other places via train- I don't drive.
i was an absolute mess at school but I did get GCSEs (a year late though as I got expelled in the final year) and I started a photography course at college but didn't see it through, then did a levels but messed me of them up and got a D (maths!) and psychology I got C and photography an A (I don't know why I chose such a weird pointless mix of subjects tbh)
I think I'd like to work with kids with additional needs/behavioural problems or something like that

OP posts:
Mightyhike · 03/06/2025 13:47

Can you look into caring roles OP? There are usually lots of vacancies (in my area anyway), and some of them will involve working with children rather than old people. You won't need a specific qualification for the entry level roles.

Darragon · 03/06/2025 13:51

I think I'd like to work with kids with additional needs/behavioural problems or something like that
Have you considered training as a teaching assistant? It's not the best paid job but the hours are nice and it might get you back into the workforce as a springboard for something else. Lots of local colleges offer training courses for becoming a TA.

BusMumsHoliday · 03/06/2025 13:53

Really don't be so down on yourself! You have 3 a levels! Do you have English and Maths GCSEs?

Have you thought about applying for a job as a SEN TA? It would be a chance to find out whether you are suited to working with SEN kids. Could you volunteer to do photography workshops for SEN kids with a local charity?

Bownessbay · 03/06/2025 13:55

I was also going to suggest TA for SEN, I bet you'd have loads to offer with your experience, and be able to relate from what works for you too. You could start off volunteering even one afternoon a week and see how you find it?
You haven't messed your life up though! Please don't think that. Sounds like you have a full plate, and there's only so much energy/spoons to go around. I'd do some counselling (can self-refer on the NHS in a lot of areas) and talk things through with someone.

Shelly1973ish · 03/06/2025 14:10

I coukd have written this post except I'm nearly 2 decades older then you. 3 Autistic children. Now exhausted, middle aged and physically unwell.

Your so young. You have plenty of time to develop skills, learn etc.

TaupeRaven · 03/06/2025 14:15

Please think carefully before you pay for training or qualifications; there is a lot of reputable free provision and there will be local organisations who can provide you with guidance and employability support (usually council or voluntary organisations who do the employability stuff.)

SpringHasSprungGrassIsRizIWonder · 03/06/2025 14:21

It's never too late! I've just finished my degree at the age of 51!

I also have 3 Dc with various permutations of ASD, ADHD and dyspraxia.

If you couldn't fail what would you do? That's the direction you set your goals in.

Look at no traditional entry requirements. I "flunked" my A-levels due to undiagnosed ADHD. The degree I'm on request A A B, one being a science, but as a mature student I got offered a place.

Being a student is perfect while you children are this age, you have the holidays off, and it's more flexible than working to deal with illness, hospital appointments or therapy etc.

You might work for another 30 years in your new career...taking a few years to retrain now will be the best investment you could possibly make.

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