What do I do? TW childhood abuse and mental health

[Tiredtweenmum]

I’m not sure what to do next.
I have posted about this before but I need to think what I can do to help myself.
I was sexually abused as a child and my abuser has recently been arrested. Since that I have struggled with what I thought I had put to rest.
im having panic attacks at work, I’m hypervigilant, I think I see my abuser everywhere (it’s never him) and have nightmares every night about him.
im miserable, tired and sad.
I am on anti depressants. I recently was assessed for CBT but told they couldn’t offer this as there’s a lot of trauma to unpick. I am waiting for specialist trauma therapy.

what do I do? I’m feeling desperate! I am so so sad and it’s impacting my my whole life!

This is so tough, well done for reaching out for help. I would write an email to the therapy team to share how this is taking over your day to day. Sometimes trying to share that verbally isn't easy, and in writing they can look at it and take it jn far better.
I would also consider something as basic as an app like Headspace. It could help wjth breathing techniques when you have all of those feelings descend.
Have you got a support network of friends and family who can help?
Exercise- walking in the fresh air.
Mindfulness art, try zentangle or even a colouring in book wjth mindfulness music.

I'm so sorry, this is all such basic stuff when you know you need professional support. But that waiting time is awful when you reslly need that support. I feel for you and didn't want to just read and run.

I am so sorry OP to hear about your childhood abuse, and the current struggle.
I was abused as a child , albeit not sexually, so I am not sure I can offer any advice.
I can only tell you about the things that I have done, and found helpful :
Engaging daily in a physical activity - I have found something that brings me joy, sometimes just walking.
Nature, gardening, keeping my hands busy.
Meditation , breathing exercises and yoga. Yoga brought me back to my own body, it has brought me the quiet awareness and peace I had been desperate for. It has made me realise that not only body and mind are closely connected, they are one!
Reading stuff online : there’s so much online , there are so many incredibly talented and helpful people (and that includes the wonderful Mumsnet community), who give pointers, then the trauma specialists (like Gábor Mate) who so generously share their teachings online for free .
And of course , the books from the same, or different authors.
I have realised , a while ago, there’s no a quick fix for the deep rooted trauma I’m carrying. One of the biggest incentives for me, has been not to pass it onto my own DC. So it has been a long road to recovery.
As I also have DC , when they were younger and the money was tight, all these things were done at home , most of the time. Now they are older , I have more flexibility to attend meditation classes, yoga, swimming, long walks.
I hope you find some of this helpful.
I wish you all the best OP.

I’m about to pop out to my therapy session for trauma, so will try to come back later to offer a more comprehensive (and compassionate) response. Apologies in advance for the brevity of this response.

The NHS are notoriously bad at trauma treatment but there are many charities that do it quite well. Do you have an ISVA? They can be really supportive not only through any criminal proceedings but can also link you through to charities that support abuse victims. Many offer tailored abuse therapy and the waitlists are generally shorter than the NHS.

I’ll come back when I’ve got time later, but didn’t want your post to go unanswered.

Thank you so much for the responses.
Yes I have an ISVA. They were the ones that put me in touch with a charity for the therapy for trauma. I’m on their waiting list.
I just feel like I cannot cope anymore 😢 The hyper vigilance is tiring and I’m struggling with it all

im going to try and get a GP appointment in the morning. What else can I do if I can’t get one? Don’t really know where to go for mental health?
thank you again