AIBU to Work 65 hrs per week on my own business

[CosmicScouser]

I'm 35, single (but dating someone who is kept busy with his own kids aged 12&14), no kids of my own (don't want any).
Paid my mortgage off.
£0 savings.
Just started a business start of this year.
I am really enjoying it.
I feel the pressure of looking after clients but I don't feel stressed in a bad way iyswim?

Would you?:
Work 65hrs per week.
With gym session X3 per week.
With seeing friends and family fairly regularly on my lunch break in the working day.
And a proper social occasion once per month.
With 2 holidays per year.
With one chilled (at home) date with partner per fortnight.
And one more exciting date/day out with partner per fortnight.
With one 2hour session of hobby time per week.
With no time for reading or watching much TV/film as whenever I am home I am just prepping food/clothes or sleeping.

Would you live that life if it meant you could have £1,000,000 cash in 10 years age 45? And likely retire or at least drop right down to 15-20 hours per week.

By which time a partner who has kids... Well, his kids would be grown up and we could focus on each other.

What do you think?

Who is telling you you’re being unreasonable?

If it’s the man, does he resent the time you’re not putting him centre of attention (or helping with his kids)?

Of course you’re not BU. But do it for yourself, not to create a future for your partner without him contributing.

Does it matter what anyone else thinks? If you have freedom to make these kind of choices, stay healthy snd be happy, that’s all that matters, no?

Are you happy?

It's not the man. Although the previous man said I was being unreasonable.

This man is fine. Although still getting to know him. So the man in my post could be any man preoccupied with his own kids.

Friends and acquaintances say it's unreasonable and that I should work 40hrs max

(I don't talk to friends about the finance side of things)

I feel happy!
Springing out of bed each morning for first time in a long time!

yanbu. It’s your life and if you enjoy it carry on. Unless it’s causing challenges in your relationships and for how you want to spend your free time it really is no one else’s business how many hours you work.

My first reaction is YANBU and you should work as much as you want, but the fact you even have to ask actually makes me think something is up. If you were truly happy and alright with this, you'd know it and wouldn't feel the need to ask just because friends think you should work less. That's silly. Your wellbeing and happiness isn't a grey area that you'd be confused about.

So maybe the friends telling you YABU have touched a nerve. Maybe be more honest with yourself about it.

Okay thank you. I have had comments from friends.

And also from acquaintances (some of whom I'm loosely in competition with) saying things like "all work and no play..."
Or "you'll give yourself a heart attack"
Or "you may as well live in your office"
Or "why are you still working at this time?!"

.. etc.

Made me doubt myself.

Okay, thanks all!!

Do what you want. It's not up to friends or family or randoms on the Internet.

By "at this time" they are referring to 8pm

I don't think it is unreasonable to work long hours to get your own new business started.

I've worked long hours (although not 65!) when starting a new job at a company in order to 'get up to speed' or to untangle a situation that I've inherited.

YANBU. I worked 80 hours a week, no lunch breaks, only two weeks holiday a year on our business for almost ten years (we even did a bit of work on those holidays and on Christmas Day). It was relentless. Sold it at 45 with enough to never have to work again, bought our dream house in cash and set our DCs up with their own homes.

On the flip side, we were completely burnt out and it took a few years to recover. But it was definitely worth it. Good luck, OP!

I think it’s fine. I regularly work over 50hrs. Not for that kind of money though. Guess if you’re in a new relationship there’s not much time for seeing someone, unless you’re starting pretty early in the morning?

Omg. That's amazing!!!! Well done!!

Yeah I wouldn't see them in the week. Unless they had time to swing by and take me for a coffee at lunch. This is kind of why I'm swaying towards someone with kids. It keeps them busy and leaves me free to work without being guilt tripped!

Have a good day all and thank you xx

I’ve done those kind of hours with 2 kids etc, it’s my own business I’ve run it for 25 years and I’m on the other size now at 50, I have staff and could decide to take that day off today if I felt like it!! I won’t as a love my business and have pride in what I’ve achieved. I’ve generated jobs and careers and given other lifestyles and goals. My 1million savings don’t seem to have dropped into my bank though!! But I still have time. 🤣.

Do the hours you want as long as you’re not a busy fool and they are valid and useful hours laser focused on business development.

True, but they might have their kids at the weekend and be free in the week. Could be problematic.

your choice! Good luck with your business.

In your situation I’d share much less information about your work pattern with acquaintances/ rivals. And not send emails or call people about business outside standard business hours, would use timed-send. For your reputation.

Think you’re naive if you think dating men with DC is easier/better.

or the acquaintances are people who also work in your shared office space, eg a WeWork type place, so see you working in the evenings, then presumably they are there working too! I’d just say ‘I’m doing fine thanks’

Most business owners will work similar hours especially when setting up. We certainly do. (Less for me now we have kids).

I think a lot of society has forgotten what hard work and long working hours really looks like so when they see someone doing it they don’t understand it.

YANBU - it's your life, live it however you want. I can't really see a serious relationship fitting into it though. Maybe a FWB or someone to go out for dinner with.

They just don’t understand setting up a business surely. Also from your list it’d clearly not all work and no play, and you’re happy, so screw them.

You’ll have to be really careful with that £1m though if you’re planning to fully retire at 45 and live a long time! You’ll want to make some good investments.

Most founders work those sorts of hours, it’s part of the personality needed I think. But do consider what you want to achieve with the business longer term. If you’re looking to sell out, then you do need to eventually build it as something that doesn’t completely depend on you. Good luck!

Keep an eye on your mental health if you start to feel burnt out you need to slow down. But you also have to consider if you neglect your relationships you might not have many people to spend your time with when you retire. It is a good idea though as the older you get the more you may want to slow down.