To think that there is some trust broken in our relationship?

[londongirlinaus]

Backstory we have been together 12 years and have two young children. Emotional communication has never been my partner’s strong point.

We had a still birth 3 years ago and whilst I sought professional support he never did and preferred to get one with things his own way by never talking about it or being able to talk to me about it. He’s also the kind that will walk away in an argument rather than try and resolve it.

partner had a colonoscopy yesterday and only told me the day before (he had one previously 3 years ago) but did not tell me he’d been back to see his specialist due to things going on or to the doctors (I only found out as our own doctor mentioned something to me so I asked him and then he mentioned the appointment had been booked). AIBU to think that most couples share things like this and I now wonder what else he might keep from me especially as he travels a lot for work? I am the open book type and wouldn’t want to keep anything from him. Thanks.

Thats difficult , could he of hid it because he was trying to protect you / Didnt want you to worry?

Are you saying your own doctor discussed your husbands medical appointment. I'd be more concerned about that, and I'd be furious if I was your husband.

Yes this is out of order and he should complain. Guess some people are more private, and maybe due to the nature of the procedure he is a little embarrassment.

The doctor has crossed the line and I’d be furious if I was your husband.

That aside, I’d be concerned if my DH was keeping things like this from me without good reason (ie. You have things going on and could do without extra stress) My DH is my best friend, we confide in each other about everything.

Yeah, also would you be happy if he was finding out things about your health without you knowing? Health is pretty personal and sometimes can be private.

To clarify the doctor said to me he’d received a report for him from an ENT and then said actually no that’s for the wrong person but that then triggered me to ask him about it which led to this. I don’t know if the doctor made a mistake or not to be honest there and he actually doesn’t seem bothered about that (as it my partner) but it obviously was then a gateway to him telling me. He didn’t want any of his family to know to not worry them so yes it could be that but I still feel he may have a knack for hiding things where as I couldn’t imagine not discussing things with him

I think the issue here is that I’ll openly share any health things with him so he is aware (more so if I seem different or something happened out of the blue) but he obviously doesn’t feel the same

This.

I think he's obviously anxious about it and would find it very difficult to have that conversation. He should make you aware, but I'm sure he doesn't want to worry you. I don't think he's motivated by anything malign here other than fear and stress and not having the skills to just discuss it.

@MonTuesWeds thank you. I’m thinking this is probably it. How to help him understand that he can share with me I’m not sure - he also has a lot of childhood trauma but refuses to see a psychologist.

OP re-write your post

I went to the doctors for a breast examination and didn't tell my husband. He has know found out and now thinks I may be sleeping with other people when I am away with work a lot.

Have a think about the responses this post would receive and what your opinion would be if you read that

Having a breast exam from a qualified doctor is NOT cheating? Are you insane? They are completely different things?
also! Not all couples have monogamy as a default. I think we should be aware of that too.

Of course im not insane you just clearly can't read the original.post

The OP post said her DH had a medical procedure without telling her and now she doesn't know whether she can trust him mentioning he works away a lot

My analogy was the exact reverse of what the OP is inferring

This, in capital letters and neon highlighter.

I am also shocked that you somehow found out about this via your husband's doctor - irrespective of how it happened, it should definitely not have done.

I am also confused about whether your husband told you or you found out. It's not clear from your post. You say he told you the day before (I assume because he had to take the prep - that would be very difficult to hide) but you also ay you found out from the doctor?

Anyway - it doesn't sound like there is great communication in the marriage, but also some people are very private about things like this (I know I am).