No family came to visit baby for 7 weeks

[boymummyoftwo]

Hi, is it unreasonable to be upset that none of my family came to visit me or my new baby until he was 7 weeks old? For context i was in hospital for a week due to complications and emergency c section, then readmitted a week later as was still quite poorly. My parents live overseas and wee one was born early. I have aunts here and no one visited me or the baby in hospital nor at home.

Did you ask them to visit and they refused? Otherwise, just look at the number of “ no visitors allowed for x weeks” posts on here. I would imagine many relatives don’t want to push it and are waiting until invited!

You are not unreasonable to be upset, that's a perfectly acceptable reaction to wanting visitors and not getting them.

Equally I think it's not unreasonable for oversea visitors to take a while getting their plans together.

Would they be staying with you? I'd be wary of rocking up at a new mums place.

What did you say to them before birth? Did you tell them you'd love them to come ASAP?

Try to forget it, are they happy for you and loving toward baby?

It’s usually parents and siblings who come in the early days. I wouldn’t be expecting aunts unless you were very close. They’ll not want to intrude.

Your parents are overseas, and the baby came early, so presumably they weren't ready (in terms of work/commitments etc). Then you were readmitted, so presumably they thought it best to wait until you were well and able to manage visitors (presumably) staying.

People probably kept away as you were poorly. Lots of people want to be on their own with baby for 2 or more weeks now so don’t overthink it. Also if baby was early then people may be concerned about bringing infection.

Did you invite anyone?
There are countless threads on mumsnet from new mums trying to set up boundaries and prevent any family visits for the first 8 weeks. Do you know your family knew you wanted visits because without a strong Invitation they might well gave assumed you wanted to be left alone.

Our son born in December now over 40 and still remember my parents not visiting until the April. Excuses after excuse.
Same with DD.
Both times they didn't want me to visit them either.
We lived 15 miles away.
Then they wondered why they weren't close to grandchildren.

I wondered if maybe they are MN readers.

They were probably giving you time to recover from the birth.

My mum came straight away, she then brought a couple of nieces who were on school holidays, the rest waited until Christmas. It's nice to see people, but I'd never hold it against anyone.

All families are different. My DS who is 4 doesn’t even know I have a brother so I wouldn’t sweat a few weeks with no visits.

Op I can totally get that it takes people time to get here from overseas, flights, time of work.

People might also want to give you space, not impose.

But it does make you feel your health and baby don't matter.

99% of Mumsnet posters would suggest that 7 weeks isn’t long enough to ‘bond as a bubble’ and would have given strict instructions to clean and bring a meal

Honestly, after reading stuff online about the "do not do this" lists, I've been very worried about visiting anyone with a baby. Parents living abroad, depends how far away they are and what you've discussed. Aunts and uncles. I'm not sure I'd visit my nephews in the early weeks when they've had a baby. My advice is to invite them over.

I read a post on mn a few days ago from a new mum about rules she was putting in place for visitors for her new baby.
It was exhausting.

Agree with the above-were you giving off ‘stay away’ vibes? Do you have fluid communication with family so they would know they are welcome?

Thanks everyone, i can see it from what many are saying, i guess i was just surprised and disappointed in the absence of parents being here on either side (im not upset parents werent here as they live overseas and planned to come over when baby arrived), but when baby was born that family within a 10 mile radius would check in and visit,

Well people complain when people don't visit yet we have people complaining they need to live in a bubble and people need permission first

wow that must have been very hurtful