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AIBU?

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Was this encounter ‘something’ or is it all in my imagination ?

20 replies

itsgottoneajag · 02/06/2025 22:02

I am divorced and single. I’m also 50.
I was away for the weekend and saw a man that I’ve been attracted to for the last few years . He doesn’t know that I’m attracted to him. He doesn’t know me at all but we would probably recognise each other from years of holidaying in the same area.
I This next bit sounds odd so I’ll keep it factual.
I walked into the garden area of a cafe and he was seated at the table in front of me. We made eye contact and the he suddenly stood up as I was standing there and said good morning, how are you? This man has never said hello to me in my life.
I replied by saying good morning and that I was great , thank you .
I also , through sheer awkwardness asked him how he was . He answered and suddenly sat down. He was with a group of approx ten others.
that was it .. odd I thought?
for the next hour we glanced over and back at each other until he and his group left.
So was it ‘ something’? Or was he just being friendly and odd?
My gut was unsettled afterwards.

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 02/06/2025 22:05

Sounds like it might be 'something'. He obviously recognised you.

But are you likely to see him tomorrow to smile encouragingly at him?

itsgottoneajag · 02/06/2025 22:09

I will see him regularly over the next few weeks but I am a useless flirt and get awkward and find it hard to make eye contact with a man if I’m attracted to him.

OP posts:
Reddog1 · 02/06/2025 22:11

This is promising OP!

Letstheriveranswer · 02/06/2025 22:12

Sounds like he recognised you and stood to chat but then maybe realised he couldn't remember where he knew you from so sat down again?!
Or else he just wanted to say hello and couldn't chat long as he was with a group.

sparklychair · 02/06/2025 22:14

Could you find a tourist attraction in the area that you haven't visited and strike up a conversation by asking him if he'd been and what he thought of it. Hopefully it would lead to a longer chat about your holidays in the area and maybe a suggestion that you visit something together?

LittleMonks11 · 02/06/2025 22:14

What do we know about this man OP? I’m rooting for you!

itsgottoneajag · 02/06/2025 22:15

Actually this may have been a possibility as my teenage son was along with me.

OP posts:
tartyflette · 02/06/2025 22:16

Perhaps he initially mistook you for someone else/thought you had come to join the group, then realised his mistake.
Sorry! (And perhaps not...)

Lmnop22 · 02/06/2025 22:17

I think this could be something.

Plan of attack from here is to now always make sure to say a friendly hello AT LEAST when you see him and, if you can, ask another question or volunteer a longer response to his hello if possible.

If he encourages a longer chat and keeps asking questions and seems interested/is flirting then you can move on to more flirty behaviour. If he just acts in a very friendly “fine thanks” as he’s already begun walking away, you’ve not lost face by being friendly because he started this step up in your relationship to greeting one another already!

Gingercar · 02/06/2025 22:17

Now you officially “know him” you can say hello without feeling awkward next time you see him.

itsgottoneajag · 02/06/2025 22:20

I know this man is mid fifties , singke/ never married possibly due to personal choice as he works in an area of high stress and commitment not very conducive to family life . . I know we share many similar interests .. past times and work wise. He seems to know plenty of local
people and tourists alike and I’ve observed him to be chatty and sociable. I know he doesn’t have children. That’s about it!

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 02/06/2025 22:59

Do you think he thought he knew you? You seem to know an awful lot about him! I would just smile and say hello next time you see him.

itsgottoneajag · 02/06/2025 23:02

I’ve done my research and as I’ve kind of fancied him for the last couple of years , I’ve kept my ears open too, that’s all! A neighbour knows him well so that’s probably where I got the bulk of the information.

OP posts:
S0j0urn4r · 02/06/2025 23:06

It's a modern day Jane Austen!
Rooting for you, OP! 🤗

MouldyCandy · 02/06/2025 23:13

Well your neighbour needs to invite you both round for tea and cake.

itsgottoneajag · 03/06/2025 10:57

Oh I’d be too embarrassed to have an arranged date! I’m imagining conversations with him when I meet him so I’ll have to bite the bullet and just be me and authentic and try to chat about shared interests or something! I’m definitely out of this game too long!

OP posts:
BMW6 · 03/06/2025 11:13

The chances are that he has noticed you over the years and the attraction is mutual!

Next time you see him give him a big smile and initiate conversation - a simple Lovely to see you, having a good day?

He initiated this time, now your turn so he can take reassurance if required.

Cheering you on here ! You have NOTHING to lose !

onthewineagain · 03/06/2025 11:14

Was he definitely speaking to you, OP? There wasn’t somebody behind you that you didn’t see?

If not, and he was definitely speaking to you then it is possible that he a) mistook you as part of the group and sat down when he realised his mistake, or b) thought he knew you then got embarrassed as he realised he didn’t.

Either one is not bad. His knee jerk reaction was go jump up and say hi, which is positive.

Fingers crossed you bump into him again. If the situation doesn’t give rise to a natural opener, at the very least you can now say “Hello again; did enjoy abc cafe?”

WitcheryDivine · 03/06/2025 11:18

I think your neighbour has mentioned you to him. I would say men do sometimes stand up to greet women they like!

I’m so intrigued about what a holiday destination this could be where you’d continually see each other but never actually meet via mutual friends. Small island?

RunningJo · 03/06/2025 11:22

Here's hoping you bump into him again soon and start chatting...

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