Overbearing parents

[CMC13]

I'm just looking at how you deal with overbearing parents. I'm currently 32+1 day pregnant with twins.

On Saturday my boyfriends parents just turned up out of know where even though we arranged to go up to see them later that day. We currently have a lot of baby stuff in our front room as I'm sorting through and putting away a few bits at a time. Also, we hadn't got around to hovering at that time in the morning when they arrived (we have 3 dogs) and the dishwasher had a meltdown so how to put it on another cycle so had a little build up of dishes. The house really wasn't that bad. When I was upstairs in the toilet, his mum made a comment to him saying "If the health visitor turned up and it was like this, they'd be reporting you" what a horrible thing to say.

Anyway, my partners gone away with his dad for 5 nights so I've come to stay with my sister for a few nights so I'm not on my own. His mum has obviously been bitching to his younger sister (I knew she would) and she's text him saying "Whilst she's staying at her sisters, we'll come down and square the house up" I don't want them touching any of my stuff. I said I will do it when I get back in two days and my mum is coming up to help me. They keep texting him saying they will be going to clean, even though I'm telling him to tell them no. It's causing me stress and me and my partner to argue! I feel like they're going to be even worse when babies are here in 4 weeks. Would you be annoyed too?

why hasn’t your partner got your back?
mess isn’t a cause for concern in itself so she sounds massively judgy
why didn’t your partner stand up for you?
do they have keys to your house? If so, take them away

Do they need a key? Can you get it back?

@rubyslippers He keeps saying he's in the middle and they're concerned we're not coping. I'm absolutely fine, how dare they just make accusations on how I am without even asking. Yes, it was my partners house before we got together so they all have keys unfortunately. They literally just caught us 11am in the morning before we got around to doing the cleaning. I was in triage for high blood pressure on Tuesday and they've stressed me out twice this week! Why can't they just leave it, its really none of their business!

Do they have keys? I would go back now with your sister and stay at yours, then if they turn up you can tell them to hand over the key and go away

why isnt your partner telling his mother to stop interfering?

@Fuzziduck My boyfriend had the house before we got together so they all got given keys. He thinks they're just trying to help but they're being quite controlling in my eyes. No means no and they're still demanding! If they know I'm getting help all day Thursday why are they pushing to do it tomorrow. You ask people if they would like help, not tell them you're going to do it whether they like it or not.

Ok having read your update you should be his priority now not his mother and sister, so there’s no ‘in the middle’ he stands up for you

if I got back home and found they had been there Imwould go absolutely ballistic at him, and then I would call them and do the same to them , they have no right to come into your home and tidy

just imagine how they are going to be when the babies are here. You need to be setting clear boundaries now

@Vaxtable It's a 45 minute drive away and my sister needs to look after her dog unfortunately. I wish I never left now! My partner wouldn't make them hand over the key. I have no idea, apparently they're trying to be helpful. His mother has obviously bitched to his sister (which is rude anyway) then she's interfering. She's really bossy, she's younger than us as well. She needs to pipe down, it has nothing to do with any of them.

Maybe tell your partner if they insist then you will stay at your sisters! Stay there until you feel the stress they are causing/have caused will cease to affect your blood pressure.

@Vaxtable I have literally said what you've replied to him and he's now said he'll get his dad to have a word and doesn't want to talk about it anymore! They're doing my head in, I'm meant to be relaxing and not stressing but they're really winding me up.

You're having twins, your partner needs to see himself on your side and not in the middle. If he accepts this crap now it will not stop.

I'd intervene if you have her number. Sod your partner cus clearly he won't say no. Message and say that you want to clean the house yourself, and that all her interfering isn't helping your blood pressure, so she needs to back off.

They clearly see it as his house not your (the 2 of you) house. You're also his girlfriend not his wife. I'm sure that you are aware but you're in a vulnerable position, OP. Are you (just you) ok financially? Would you have a place to go with the kids in case you split?
Having kids is a difficult time in any relationship. Here it feels like the power imbalance is not really in your favour and they are taking advantage of it.

@GooseClues Hi, financially I'm currently on ESA as I had bad morning sickness throughout my pregnancy so far. So we rely on his income, he has a good job. I feel like they see it as his as well, they are causing arguments by making problems that aren't even there!