Friend's behaviour involving money

[Iammagic]

My colleague who is now a friend, lends my husband money without consulting me. I know nothing about it until I post pictures of a holiday with my 5 month old on social media ( a holiday I have had after 2 long years...due to depression/mmc/financial mess etc).
Long story short..I get a message from this friend out of no where today that she'd lent my husband money back in autumn last year thatt she'd like to have bavk now and that she's messaging me because my husband isn't responding to a message that she'd sent to him last week.

I am not just taken by surprise but embarrassed even because I would never want to take money from anyone ans find it disappointing that my husband did and that too from my friend (that he knows only because of me) and hasn't even told me about it. As soon as I knew of it I made him repay I to her like in a matter for 10 minutes in fact!

But AIBuU that I'm even more angrier and upset about this friend! The fact that she never consulted me when she lent it to my husband and now asks me back for it...does it not mean that she lent my husband money in the first place because he is my husband and not because she considered him also a friend of hers? In which case she should have consulted me before lending?
I dont know what she agreed with my husband about repayment but because he didn't respond to one message of hers from last week when we were on holiday about it she messages me instead? I feel like she's broken both mine and my husband's trust! When I confronted her about this she thinks Im being unfair by blaming her about how things unfolded.

Your thinking on this is very odd. I’ve had a husband of a friend of mine message to borrow money years ago, asking me not to tell her. It goes without saying I didn’t lend it nor did I tell her… your husband will have probably done the exact same.

You’re angry at the wrong person. He’s embarrassed you, not her.

Also, why would he go to your friend to ask for money? Seems really weird. Plus then to ignore her asking for it back, what’s wrong with him? Has she come into money/is rich and he’s tried to take advantage? I’d be more annoyed and embarrassed by him, very very odd behaviour from him.

It’s very kind of her to look out for you and it seems she needed the cash back earlier, which is totally fine. I wonder wether DH told her the money was needed for essential bills but then she was a little surprised to find money splashed out on a holiday. Maybe she just needed her cash back for something else. Either way your DH is at fault for asking for cash, keeping finances from you and not being transparent

Ah come on now....your husband is the issue here. Not her.

If he didn't borrow money - there wouldn't be an issue.
If he repaid it - there wouldn't be an issue.
If he was honest with you - there wouldn't be an issue.

He is the problem.

How much did your husband borrow? Can he afford to pay it back?

She probably assumed that your husband had already told you about it and didn’t want to bring it up. I can see why she’d be annoyed to have to wait this long and him ignoring her message. If you borrow money it’s polite to pay it back as soon as you can so that person doesn’t have to go asking for it.

Surely you pay the money back as soon as you have it, not just by the deadline. She’s not a bank! She probably didn’t need it until August, but when it became apparent he had funds to go on holiday wondered why he wasn’t repaying her when he could.

If your DH was able to repay the loan ‘within 10 minutes’ on your direction, why hadn’t he already paid it back?

It's definitely a husband problem.

It's a bit harsh of her to message, when she'll know you know nothing about it, while you're on holiday. I wouldn't have ruined a friend's holiday like that, I'd have waited until they were home.

But your husband is absolutely the problem.

You husband
Went behind your back
Used your friendship as a bank
Did not communicate with you
Broke you trust
He overstepped boundaries
He kept the secret

If I was your friend I would have assumed that a married couple would have discussed this. Your husband and your relationship is what is a walking red flag. Your friend isn't. The moment she spotted a problem she came ot you, which would have taken a lot- because she would have been worried you would react just as you are.

What an amazing friend that when asked she lent your husband money because of the friendship the two of you have. That she gave 6 months, then after trying to communicate wjth him she came to you.

I think you need to rethink, you're angry with your husband and that is where jt should stay.

So your friend lent your husband money, he never paid it back on time, took you on holiday, ignored her when she asked for it back and now your angry at your friend and this is somehow all her fault….

If I was your friend I would dump the both off you. Both toxic people

Your friend hasn’t done anything wrong, it’s your sly, deceptive and deeply unpleasant husband that is the problem.

He would have told her to keep her mouth shut.

I would not get over him humiliating me in this awful way and along with him being sly and awful with money, it would be instant divorce.

What did he borrow the money for? Is it gambling? YABU to be annoyed with your friend. He's spun her a tale about why you couldn't know I'm sure.

I actually think your friend was really wrong to lend money to him with no discussion with you and then ask it back from you.

I would be very pissed off with her, mortified by him and actually wouldn't want to be around either of them.

I would be wanting to know why my DH had to borrow money from a friend.

What did he need it for? Why was it kept from me? What happened to his savings - does he actually have any? Has he run up any debts that I don't know about?

Your friend probably shouldn't have lent the money, but you don't know what he said. Friend is the least of your worries.

Maybe your husband shouldn’t be such a skank

and for all those of you who think I wasn't angry with my husband you assumed wrong. I hate him from my guts for doing what he did. ....I guess assumptions are dangerous

I think your anger at your friend is misplaced, but this is a bit strong. I'd be annoyed and embarrassed, but yikes.

The assumption that you weren't mad at your husband is really not dangerous.

I think there might be something else going on between the two of them. Why on earth would she lend him money without telling you? It's as though they've got a secret. What did he spend the money on? How much was it? He seemed to be able to repay it quite easily. I would be really embarrassed and humiliated actually by this. It seems such an intimate thing to happen between them.

How did it come about?

I can see how you'd feel that way, as the transaction was between them, but her seeing you on your hols must have peed her off and she wanted to be repaid regardless.

Your DH is to blame. It's a bit cheeky of him to ask your friend and now embarrassing for you.

Honestly your anger is totally directed at the wrong person . She did your husband a favour when he was stuck and then he decided to ignore her when she asked for repayment and you’re angry at her.

Oh come on op, your dh is having you on!

I don’t happen to think that’s it’s good behaviour to borrow money in the first place, but if your dh did so in good faith, he’d be paying it back straightaway and not waiting to be told when to do so.

He probably told your friend that you needed a “surprise” holiday after the horrible time you’ve been having,

And no one is assuming you are not angry at your dh! Your question in your op was literally;

AIBU that I'm even more angrier and upset about this friend!

And the majority of posters are saying yes actually, you are! So that’s why you are getting the replies that you are. It’s nothing to do with dangerous assumptions!

Your poor friend! She did a kind thing and you are now throwing it back in her face, when your dh created this issue in the first place!

You’re blaming the wrong person. It’s your husband you should be cross with.

I would be utterly mortified 😱 no wonder you are angry, but don't shoot the messenger.