Future SIL annoyed she didn’t get to help Future DH choose my engagement ring

[Nerlin9812]

Advice please.
lots of backstory here with other things that have concerned me with her behaviour but future SIL isn’t happy my partner didn’t let her help choose my recent engagement ring. He chose it himself and it’s really lovely. We had a very low key engagement in that we discussed it first but did not announce it as those do on social media’s for attention but told friends and family afterwards. She has now accused of doing it all behind the families back. Absolutely not our intention ( we are older ) AIBU or is this seriously nuts?

People's behaviour never fails to amaze me! If you have children, she'll be insisting that she chooses the name(s)!

Well you are marrying into this, can you see this long drawn out territorial thing working long term?

I can’t give you advice on crazy in laws as mine are really nice, but I can say DO NOT let her or her family strong arm you about your wedding plans!!!

We changed a lot because of family pressure (they were well meaning, and tbh it was mostly my mum) and we regret it. Don’t get me wrong I had fun on the day, but we both say if we could do it again we would elope.

Sounds like she's very close to her brother (or thinks she is/should be) and is feeling left out now he has a significant other. I suppose they have shared many family milestones in the past and she hasn't comprehended that this is different.

Taking him off his family??

God lord, I think I'd run for the hills!!

Thanks all for your help with this, I now don’t feel like I’m going mental which at times this has made me feel. Crazily she has lost what she wanted to gain and can’t seem to see her behaviour is losing her her brother.
for some context when fiancé tried to put in boundaries she accused him of ‘having problems’ and gaslighted him trying to blame him like he was imagining things ,which as you can imagine has not had a good effect and he’s livid.
for the poster who asked about this being money related I suspect so, she did allude to the fact that if we had children and it didn’t work he would be then stuck paying me til the kids were of age which I found a major overstep and disgusting tbh. Also when we started dating she asked for a massive amount of money so the timing was very odd, also obsessed with which house we were buying (we live in an expensive part of south west) whilst she is stuck renting .
i have some major thinking to do, other than monster future SIL he’s wonderful after dating so many frogs!

You’ve had a shocking time with SIL and I’m so sorry about your daughter too. Terrible behaviour on SIL part . Sounds like she wanted to be only one in the room!
thanks again for your good advice

She is seriously batshit and bad news.

I think you should elope and also consider buying a house hundreds of miles away or you will have her sticking her beak in and causing problems for evermore.

Nuts. Ignore. Move on.

Uh oh.

Your fiance's sister thinks she runs his life and she will do her best to make your life miserable because she uses her family, including him, as her personal bank. He's been very enmeshed with her, shown by him dismissing her shitfit over not being included in the ring buying as a joke. He may be angry now, but is that going to last?

The only way I see this working out is if you move far, far, far away and go very low contact. Would he agree to that?

Or her dh’s sister?

“she is very spoilt and the golden child although always got money problems which they have all bailed her out of, fiance included”

“when we started dating she asked for a massive amount of money”

I sincerely hope he didn’t give it to her - and you need to be very clear that henceforth, any money you have is for the family that you and he build together. The trouble with this sort of scenario is that once these people have been loaned or gifted money, they somehow see it as their “right”, and then you are the baddie if you raise any objection. You are going to have to have a serious talk with your DFiancé about your expectations for the future, and you need to make it clear that you and he make the decisions in your marriage and his DSis has nothing whatsoever to do with it.

She doesn't give a fig about getting you a ring you like, she just wanted to have the right for perpetuity to be able to say something pointed like 'Oh, I chose that ring for you. DH was going to buy you an awful one but I had to steer him in the right direction.'

Brilliant advice! Totally agree