Dilemma over whether to tell friend about her boyfriends comments

[JFraser9]

Hi all, I would really welcome some opinions on this situation.

Background - my friend is currently supporting her Mum through an illness (I won’t say what exactly as don’t want to be outing, but it is serious and has been ongoing for over a year now with no signs of improvement).

Her boyfriend has been making increasingly inappropriate comments to me over the course of the past 1-2 months. I’ve spoken to another of our friends about this and said I feel like I have to tell my friend. Other friend says I absolutely should not do this given what she is going through with her Mum’s illness and that I’d be really out of order if I was to do so as what he’s said isn’t ’that serious’.

A selection of his comments:

-Asking me whether I’ve ‘had my arse done’, when I said no he replied that my gym work must be paying off (I doubt it, I struggle to go more than twice a week)

-I had an ice cream in a cone when we were out at a park last weekend and he saw me eating it and said that I look like I’ve had a lot of practice of that

-We talked about what the nightlife was like when I was at Uni and he said he bet I can memorise what my bedroom ceiling looked like

-Said to me privately that if both him and I were single in another life, he thinks we’d definitely get together

I have told him at least twice that his comments are making me uncomfortable and that I don’t think his partner would appreciate them. Naturally, my next step would be telling my friend as if want to know if my own partner was saying these things.

Do you think I should say something or is my friends advice reasonable?

I would tell him loudly to go fuck himself if he speaks to you like that again. Don't tell your friend, she's got enough on her plate.

I think you need to tell him much more strongly to shut the fuck up.

Avoid being alone with him and if you are and he makes one more comment bollock him from a height.

Right now it may be that she doesn’t need to know given her mum’s illness. Given you will be telling him to shut the fuck up you can tell her later than you had to put a stop to his creepiness last year etc.

I'd simply say that a joke is a joke when it's funny, and this isn't. One more wisecrack like that and you'll tell your mate everything he's said, in all its detail. With a now fuck off, you overgrown child, at the end.

That is very unreasonable

The OP needs to be more forceful, but it’s not her fault that creep boy is creeping, it’s his.

Asking a mutual friend what to do about creep boy is not gossiping, it’s asking for an opinion on a specific issue. The OP does not sound like the most confident person, and some women do insist they want to know regardless, so it’s not unreasonable to check in with someone else.

No it isn't

Op needs to be telling this man to fuck right off, not giving him chances to make comments over again. Her friend is busy dealing with something so tough, she doesn't need to deal with this situation which can be attempted to be nipped in the bud with a strong 'fuck off you loser'.

Op explained that she'd confided in one friend, not lots, which I thought i'd read.

Sadly I think this will be the outcome.

I think you have to tell your friend. The timing is TERRIBLE, but if he's saying these things to you, he's clearly not going to be mature enough to support her during hard times. He’s also likely saying similar to other people - if he’s brazen enough to say it to her close friends, what’s he saying to random women who dont know her?!

I'm assuming that most of the time you see him your friend is there. Next time he says something I would loudly reply fuck off - loud enough for your friend to hear. When she ask you why you said it - tell her and let him tell her he was just 'joking'.and then say you are sick of his 'repeated' jokes.

I wouldn't tell her in a I've got something to tell you kind of way and when he's not there because I think he could easily and would try t twist it to try and make it look like you are stirring/ or fancy him.

Good advice from @treesandsun

What does the op only telling him to go away achieve? Her friend won’t know the type of man she’s with.

How is he getting chance to say these things to you? Are they face to face or over text or what?

He sounds like a prick. I know us women are conditioned to ‘be kind’ even when we are being perved over but you NEED to be more forceful with him and threaten to tell your friend. Although he may say you’re lying if he’s said these comments in person.

Im on the fence over whether or not to tell her

I wouldn’t tell her. Chances are she won’t hear it and at worse she might somehow blame it on you. Just be there to support her once she sees this joker for who he is.

My daughter told her best friend that said friend's fiancé was coming on to her and that was the end of their friendship.

Why am I not surprised
How has the “best friend’s” relationship with her fiancé panned out ? Did they marry ?