To prefer the company of new friends to older ones

[VerityFlowers]

It's difficult to explain but since having kids and meeting a lot of new people, I've realised that I prefer their company to some of my older friends. I've naturally ended up seeing 'newer' friends more and making plans with them and slowly making less plans with friends I've had for 20 years.

We just have more in common and their kids get on better with mine so hanging out is just nicer. I'd obviously be gutted if it was the other way round. Am I being an ar$ehole? Should I keep making the effort with my older friends even though it seems like an effort?

Nah I’m the same. The people I’ve known for 20+ years I see a couple of times a year due to distance. My newer friends I have more in common with as we are at the same life stage (know each other through kids) and/or are local, so see more frequently. Therefore we naturally know more about each other and have more things in common to share about and experience together.

You've just admitted that you'd be gutted if your old friends treated you the same, if situation was reversed.

It's your decision of course but I guess your old friends will probably get the message, and make less effort with you too.

I think that’s fine. It’s good to have a mix of both. Sometimes old friends bring a lot of baggage and it’s refreshing to have new people who come without it. Similarly, it’s nice with old friends not to have to explain the background to family sagas/your previous self.

One of my closest and dearest friends is a ‘mum’ friend with age matched children and a very similar life to mine. We holiday together, live at each others houses and our kids get on great. I would be very sorry not have this friendship alongside old friends.

Be open to both. As you move through life you need all different types of friends.

I have a few friends that live further away I see 3 or 4 times a year, old friends. I would be gutted if they drifted from me. However the friends I'm speaking about are local. I don't intend to ghost them. I just realised recently that I'm making plans with 'new' friends over them and then I'm naturally too busy to meet up. I still want to see them but not as often as I used to (weekly!!). I want to spend more time with the 'new' friends....

Lovely reply thank you.

It's fine. You are at a stage where some of your old friends are not, where you have met your new friends.

I'm sure your old friends won't mind not meeting up every week just because you've got to know others. Nobody has the monopoly of your time.

I wouldn’t be happy if my longest and dearest friends binned me off because they made new mates.

Are your old friends childfree? I am childfree and I don't expect my friends who are parents to be as close to me as they are to each other. I don't mean that they make me feel left out or second tier when we do meet up, but I know that they meet with each other more than they do with me, just because their children are at similar ages so they have far more in common. It also does depend on the person: I am not the 'fun aunt' type. I don't dislike children but they and their interests bore me, I'm not the kind who likes to hang around other people's kids. If your old friends are like me, I call no harm, no foul.

Things change as you get to different points in your life and it’s good to embrace those changes and do new things. We have recently started spending a lot more time with newer friends as our social activities have changed quite dramatically (not child related). But that’s ok, you make new friends, and keep some of the old ones or maybe they just become casual acquaintances rather than people that share your passions