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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To absolutely hate narcissistic brother?

4 replies

tummyaxhe · 02/06/2025 14:49

I absolutely hate my brother and don’t really know if IABU and should let it go or try and make amends as my parents say.

He is the oldest and I am the middle child of 4 siblings, 12 year age gap between us.

We had a close relationship until I was 15/16 until
I started doing normal teen things.

He basically took over from my parents and began parenting me.
He was truly abusive and awful.

When I began working I had to pay rent despite him not paying a penny.
I was held hostage for 6 months and not allowed to leave the house until I escaped.

This was 20 years ago and allot of the stuff I experienced I am sure he would have been arrested for and gone to court.

My teens and early 20s were just about working to pay the rent and bills, whilst he was still living home and able to save money for a deposit for his own house.

I did maintain low contact after he had kids etc but it was only when I had my own I cut him and my equally toxic sister off.

He was slagging of my parents and mocking them, he is just an awful person.
Calls them all the names under the but then uses them to babysit his kids.
He does this with all the family actually, mocks elderly relatives, makes awful jokes.

I just absolutely hate him and my sister who herself was very nasty and abusive to me.

I can’t help feel so much bitterness and hatred towards both of them.
I see my parents, they have said they were scared of him.

My parents hate seeing all this and wants us all to make peace.
I don’t think I can.

AIBU to feel the way I do?

To be honest I can’t see myself ever talking to both siblings again as alot of the abuse has affected me in life.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/06/2025 15:01

Do your parents not take any responsibility for any of this? For just abandoning you to his abuse (even if they were physically there)?

On the basis of even what you’ve said here, of course YANBU to have no contact with him. It’s staggering that they think you could!

BeliesBelief · 02/06/2025 15:20

Cut off contact with your parents too. Fuck the lot of them.

toomuchfaff · 02/06/2025 15:53

YANBU your parents are enablers, of course they want you to make peace, 🙄 If they had parented properly and acted accordingly when you were all children, the situation would have been different.

NC the lot of them. At the very least NC the siblings, don't listen to the "can't we just all get along" crew. No we can't Jacob/Janice.

Endofyear · 02/06/2025 16:39

I'm not sure why you continue contact with your parents who allowed your brother to abuse you? I don't think I'd have anything to do with any of them to be honest.

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