Holiday With Ex

[PinkNeedsAHoliday]

So, I desperately need a holiday after a chaotic few months. I was planning to go with my sister and her child but we've have a massive falling out and I'm so uninterested in going with her anywhere.

Ex, DC dad, is going to his home country for a month, and suggested we come along. He has a bug family and friends network there and its a quiet town by the beach and not far from the capital so plenty to do.

The issue I'm having is, I have a current partner who I've not yet mentioned this too. He is away for work for the next few months, so would be unable to join us or go on a holiday with us anyway. I really don't think he would like the idea of me and Ex being away together, even though it's clear we're not interested in eachother.

I personally am trying to convince myself it's no big deal, because I'm not married to anyone, nor are we heading that way anytime soon it would seem. And then there are other things that have created a bit of distance between us recently. So would it be unreasonable to go on holiday with Ex and DC? It's not even going on holiday, its us staying in the same town for about 2 weeks. I'd get our own holiday home for me and DC and he stays with his parents.

Why do you need to have someone you know in the same town? Just go on holiday with your kid

What's the rationale for going there if you are renting an apartment anyway? Is it company for you, to share the parenting load or so your DC can spend time with her dad and family?

It would be understandable for your partner to question why you are going there and not somewhere else.

would it be unreasonable to go on holiday with Ex and DC?

Yes

I don't get it, if youre getting an Airbnb anyway, why do you have to go to the town where your ex is? Why not just organise a holiday somewhere else with your DC

I mean you can do what you like, but you can expect your new partner to not be accepting of it, no matter how you frame it.

Maybe as a compromise you could fly out and drop DD with her dad for a few days/a week and travel somewhere an hour or so away to have a holiday. Then DC could join you for the second week.

Or do your current plan but expect a pissed off partner.

Personally I think that will lead to some very blurred boundaries and mixed messages for the children too

I think that sounds lovely. Your child will have their dad close by and if you get on with your ex. I get on well with practically all of mine, then why not. Just because there’s no romance doesn’t mean you can’t be friends. I don’t get the mumsnet thing of ex’s are to be kept far far away. For balance my husband is friends with a couple of his ex’s and that doesn’t bother me either. They are nice people.

I wouldn't be happy if my partner was going on holiday with an ex, why can't you just go somewhere with the kid? Or drop the kid with his dad and you go off somewhere else

Why don’t you just go with your child and make memories together?

Send your child on holiday with their dad and you fly to where your DP is and make a holiday out of that trip; that makes way more sense.

Personally I wouldn't do this if I was in a relationship with someone else, and I certainly wouldn't be happy if my partner did it.

I'm guessing ex wants this so he doesn't go a month without seeing his child? So the only way I would do it is if ex is planning to have your child for the week or something similar, so you could fly them out with you and then have a week chilling on your own/with a friend, then bring them home again. I wouldn't do it with the intent of spending time with the ex.

Would be different if you were single, but even then I'd probably not want to holiday with my ex.

I went on holiday with ExH and DC a couple of times, this was in the first few years after divorce. His idea (probably because he couldn’t handle them on his own). We stayed in a hotel, different rooms. I was dating someone at the time, checked with him beforehand and he was fine. Wouldn’t have gone otherwise. Ask your partner.

Personally I found it a real headfuck spending time together playing happy families after all that he had done, so I put an end to these joint holidays.

Terrible idea. The fact that you haven’t mentioned it to your partner shows you know it’s not okay.

If you want to dump him for other reasons then go for it then holiday with anyone you like but he wouldn’t be at all unreasonable to object and tell you so.

Have your holiday but don't expect your boyfriend to stick around afterwards.Your sneakiness would be a huge red flag because you haven't even discussed this with him.

Why can't you and your child go somewhere on your own?

Thanks for replies. It's definitely a platonic situation, and I'm not intending to be sneaky by any means, it's come up over the weekend and just wondering how to go about it.

I think my DC would love to spend time with dad's side and it would take alot of the burden off me. They'd go to the beach with cousins, day trips etc. Its just easier. I'd get to chill out alot and the town is really nice, grandparents are around etc. I'm not too worried about my partner, but I just simply know he won't like it. For whatever reason he can come up with. I just want to know whether it seems unreasonable.

DC are too young I feel to be without me for a week. And also, the flight alone to DP work site costs the same as renting a villa for a week and super cheap sky scanner tickets in Ex village. And the place where he is staying for work doesn't allow over night guests, so looking at another £££ on top for hotel, eating out etc. I did consider it. But it just doesn't compare cost wise, and value wise, to the option I'm considering. And I don't think DC should be without me that long.

I hear you. My dp and I would be completely ok with this -and you’d be surprised the amount of people that are. It’s like a ‘trend’ at the moment or something.
would you be ok if it was your dp that asked you this?
We are happy to do it in our relationship as I have really clear rules about what they and I are allowed to do, especially so with exes around. If you are thinking about that kind of thing I would thoroughly encourage you to have a really frank and open conversation with your partner about what each of you expects and what is allowed and what isn’t.
And if you respect your partner then you really have to play by the rules when you are away.

It’s a long distance, not that serious relationship. It is not worth sacrificing something that would be good for both you and your ds.

I agree.

I will have a frank talk with him. I hope he doesn't set ridiculous boundaries, as I plan to have evening meals with the DC and some friends we know mutually, which would be totally fine imo.