AIBU to always have rushed mornings - need to get a routine!

[Wakeywakey678]

NC for personal reasons. I have suffered with depression for many years now and am feeling in a better place of late. I work (9am start) and have a school run to do (leave at 8.20am).

After many years of struggling to get myself up, I am finally finding my motivation to be more of a 'morning person' this year... but I'm struggling to find a morning routine. I have never had one because of my depression and it's hard!

At the moment I get up at 7.45am, check that the kids have got themselves up and ready, then shower/get ready/brush my teeth and eat some toast or fruit before we leave the house. I feel like I'm not giving myself enough time in the mornings. I always leave the kitchen in a mess. I never get any laundry done before work, meaning it's a rush in the evening. I want to make better use of my time before we leave for school run. DH works in London so leaves early, meaning I don't have help in the morning.

To me, this routine feels rushed and stressful. Am I not being unreasonable to think I should be getting up earlier? Please be kind, but I'd love to hear your morning routines if you're in a similar position to me with a school run and working also. I am grateful that my mental health has improved, but I am a bit stuck on finding a way to move forward.

TIA x

I think it starts with the night before actually. Are you getting enough sleep? I have a wind down routine at the same time every evening that goes like:

EVENINGS

1. lock doors, close windows, blinds etc
2. clear kitchen worktops, make sure sink is clean
3. do teeth, scrub face, pj's on
4. pack my bag for tomorrow depending on what I'm doing/where I'm going
5. lay "public facing" clothes out for tomorrow
6. get dog food from freezer, check anything else I need from freezer for me
7. put devices on charge (AirPods, iPads, battery packs etc)
8. this is the bit that almost never happens but - herbal tea and read

MORNINGS
in the morning, my dog's bladder gets me up but I have recently made a rule that says I don't sit down with my coffee. I used to wind up sitting down with a lovely frothy cup of gorgeousness and "waste" 30-45 mins. Now I have an espresso and go back upstairs, pull on clothes over my nightie chuck a big jacket on and baseball cap and head out to walk the dog for an hour. I have never regretted walking the dog early doors. I don't even brush my teeth at this point! Come back, paw wash, shower for me and Second (frothy) sit-down coffee and breakfast for both of us while I look over my personal planner

No. It's no different to putting it on before you go to work and dealing with it when you get home. It's nice to get it out the machine straight after it's finished, but not always possible.

But if that is something you are concerned about then put it on a timer so it finishes shortly before you get up.

I set mine to finish by 5.30, so it's sitting in there for about half an hour.

Op you need to be up probably 90 mins before you set off.

Mine don't have breakfast at home so just need a drink, dressing and teeth etc
If I've got washing I hang it out. Likewise slow cooker, I'll put that on a timer. I shower etc - all clothes are laid out, kids bags packed already. Same routine every day.

We also leave at 8.20, but I get out of bed at 7 absolute latest.
Sort lunches, clothes, shoes, bags the night before.
Got bed with the the house clean and tidy.
Chuck everything in dishwasher before we leave.
Washing out (get up 5 mins earlier) if it's due to be a nice day.

How old are your kids that they get themselves up and ready in the morning? Ours are secondary school ages and DH does their breakfasts.

What time is your DH leaving the house? Can he wake you and bring you breakfast before he goes out? I agree with all PPs, you would feel less rushed if you got up earlier.

Our morning routine:
We wake at 6. I have a shower and DH gets youngest up, empties dishwasher (always goes on the night before even if it’s not full) and does breakfast. Then I get back into bed for 20 mins and DH brings me my breakfast and coffee and I chill out before hair, make up and get dressed etc. Oldest DC gets his breakfast brought up and the rest of it is up to him. When I go downstairs, I collect all dishes and start reloading the dishwasher, do a quick tidy of any other morning debris, then take youngest in car to bus stop for 7.30 after which I drive to work and am at my desk at 8.

I love our morning routine and DH has it nailed. In the evenings things are reversed and I run the order of events, and cook dinner , prompt/assist homework etc (DH does dishes), sort laundry etc. we usually go to bed about 10.30, asleep by 11.

I need at least half an hour quiet time in the morning before I go out so I am up by 6.15 ready for DS to get up at 7.15 for physio and ready for school then I leave for work and to drop him off at 8.

You need to get up earlier. Give yourself at least an hour and divide into say 15 minute slots and set a target for each slot. Find a suitable order to do things in.

7am is a normal time to get up in the week given most jobs/ education start from 8.30 am onwards.

Start a routine now that the mornings are light. Much easier.

Keep things simple if you aren’t a morning person. It’s only getting dressed, food and bags really.

I used to be a live out nanny and do the morning school run. I’d arrive at 7 get the kids dressed, play for 30 minutes, cook eggs, do the laundry and tidy up ready for the 10 minute walk to school at 8.30am. I had my own children a few years later and it did make life easier having practise.

I would guess people use a timer if it's overnight. I work from home, so if it's just sheets then I'll hang out early morning or during the day. With the door kept shut, I would think washing is fine for 12 hours or so, it's more if you leave it 1 or 2 days that it would smell.

I have teenagers who can get themselves up but unless I'm ill, I always get up at 7am. I feel deprived if I don't get to have a cup of tea on my own before they emerge from there bedrooms. Today I'm sat in the conservatory but in winter I might take a cup of tea back to bed.
I work from home but would consider 7.45 am to be to late to get up so would look at changing that. Some quiet time on your own each morning can be really helpful to your mental health I think.

Your timing is too tight to do anything but get ready. We get up 1 hour 45 minutes before leaving and have time to do a lot in the morning. This means waking at 6am which some may find very early but I think it’s working life

You need to get up at 7.

Suspect if husband has a long commute that you're not going to unwinding / going to bed early enough.

You need to get up earlier. What time does your DH get up - can’t you get up at the same time?

We get up at 7 at the latest to leave at 830 - it’s earlier at the moment as the lighter mornings are waking me up. 630 is about right and means I have time to have a cup of tea before getting up, then get everything I need to do done before leaving.

I've got to say a heat pump tumble dryer is great if you struggle with laundry, do an overnight wash and just stick it in so it's dry after work.

I love this thread!
My little one starts school in sept and my maternity leave ends so back to work and nursery for the baby all at the same time. I’m going to miss our no pressure mornings and I am taking tips for how to ease the transition!

How much do you want (need) to sort in the morning?

And how old are the kids??

Personally, I get up at 6.25. Shower, clothes then downstairs. 5 mins on my phone (unless I've washed my hair, when that time dissappears). Make 3 packed lunches, eat breakfast, then pop upstairs to wake DH (don't ask!), brush my teeth and out the door at 7.20.

The kids (both teens) empty the dishwasher, and reload it with breakfast stuff. They do their own breakfasts (I do the lunches, as we've discovered it takes seconds longer to do 3 than 1).

So basically, it's just the essentials with an hour in the morning. If you want to fit in some chores as well, I think you ate looking at 90 mins.

7.45 is too late. If you got up at 6.30 it would be so much easier.

Alternatively, you need to be really on it with planning the night before, clothes laid out, even shoes, bags packed, lunches made, laundry sorted ready to be put in or preferably done in the evening. Lay out breakfast items and empty dishwasher if you have one before bed so in morning you can just re fill it. Make sure car has petrol, devices are charged, everything you can think of done the night before if you’re more of a night owl.

OP, even without children, you’d need to be up a bit earlier than 7.45am

Thanks everyone! Kids are pre-teen and fairly independent. DH sets alarm for varying times depending on the train he's catching, but he only leaves himself 45 mins from alarm to train departure, which probably doesn't help me as he has a swift morning routine.

I really appreciate the kind advice and it seems like 90 mins is a normal amount of time to leave between getting up and leaving the house.
I tried a 6.45 alarm this morning and it was so nice to not be rushing. I like the idea of sectioning off / planning my time. I'll give it a go. This all seems so basic in writing, but the psychological/mental hurdle of organising myself is hard for me, so I am really grateful!

To leave at 8.20 I'd have to be up at 7.20. Im not a morning person so I have to throw myself out of bed as soon as the alarm goes off and straight into to do teeth and shower/face. Then get dressed, do hair and make up. Then I go downstairs as I know if worse comes to worse I'm ready even if I havnt eaten

6.30

You are getting up and out the house on time, thats a win OP :) Maybe start with 15 mins earlier and put a wash on, or load the dishwasher, start with one thing and see how it goes. It does suck having to do these things in the evening, but some people just aren't morning people.

Just the idea of having 35 minutes between waking up and leaving for work makes me stressed, and I don't even have children

Just get up earlier. Of course you haven't got time to put a wash on and clean up the kitchen if you get up at 7:45 and leave at 8:20! I wish I had until 8:20. I leave for work at 7:30.

I wake up about 6, have a cup of tea and read in bed for a while. A couple of days a week I make tea for DH before he leaves at 6:30 (3 days a week he works from home and won’t surface until about 9!). Then I get up and get myself ready for the day and wake the kids at 7:15 and 7:30. I unload the dishwasher, restack with anything waiting to go in, make breakfast for the kids and call them through to eat at 7:45. I chat with them and clean the kitchen or put laundry on while they’re eating. We leave the house at 8.

But I’m a morning person and I like it. I wake up at 6 because that’s when I wake up, my alarm is set for 7 just in case. I really enjoy that time in the morning when the house is quiet. When dawn is in that slot between 6 and 7, I often sit outside or by the window to watch. Magical time of day. And getting a hour to myself at the start makes the day so much calmer. When I get woken by the alarm everything feels rushed and off kilter for the whole day, even if I get everything done just the same.