AIBU to get DH to remove neighbour’s shite from our skip or ask they to pay?

[MadderHatter]

I’m honestly so annoyed with myself for not going out there in person when they were putting their stuff in. I was too much of a wimp and I don’t like confrontation.

The same bloody thing happened a couple of years ago but I think this time is a pisstake. We’re having an extension built and have had a couple of skips on my drive. I cover it on an evening once the builders have left for the day.

Yesterday NDN asked if they could dismantle a small cupboard and add it in. I agreed and saw their son wiggle the boards along into the side of the skip. No problem as hardly noticeable. This afternoon I see the husband and son take off the cover of the skip and add two chairs (not dismantled so taking up space) an old adult bike and what looks like two stone planters.

I checked with DH in case he’d said it was ok for them to add more things. He said no, but it’s no big deal because we’ll need to get another skip anyway. I thinks it’s not the point as we’ve got stuff in the loft we need to get rid of and could use to take up the space. The skip costs £450 each time. I think NDN is a cheeky fecker and should have asked before adding more stuff or should at least offer to contribute. AIBU?

We’ll probably need the space in at least one more skip as we also have stuff in storage and need rid of some.

I am undoubtedly pushed off, but we don’t do ‘nuclear’ and although we don’t know neighbours that well, DH will make sure it doesn’t escalate and will end with a reasonable outcome.

They are taking a liberty, but why should it be your partner that speaks to them? If you want the stuff out, then you take charge. Definitely unreasonable to have witnessed them putting stuff in and doing nothing and then expecting your DH to go round and complain. Stop being a wimp!

Neighbours are cheeky but you should have dealt with it if you are the one that is bothered not complaining at your dh till he does.

I think you should talk to them if it bothers you OP. I don’t think it’s your DH’s job.

I think just say “by the way, one small item in the skip was fine, as agreed, but we can’t afford to give away any more space in it so can we call it a day now please”

It isn’t ‘confrontation’ to be clear and direct in a polite way.

They have the confidence to use your skip, what on earth stops you using your words and meeting them half way with that?

A reasonable request, delivered in a calm civil manner, is not confrontation.

I would ask the neighbours to retrieve their items from your skip. Then suggest they can put the chairs in provided they dismantle them because they are too bulky in whole. But you don’t want the bike or the stone planters as they are taking too much room. Perhaps they can sell the bike for scrap or give it to charity. This appears somewhat helpful but not a pushover. And it gives them the embarrassment of fishing their own stuff back out!

You and your DH take the stuff out and dump it on their drive, I can’t see how this is even a thing.

This is the second skip thread is as many weeks. Maybe skip threads are the new Parking threads 🤣

It’s definitely going to cause bad feeling with the neighbours if you dump their stuff back on their doorstep or tell them to remove it. Is it really worth it? You should have gone out to intervene when you saw them adding the extra stuff, it’s too late now. The best thing you can do now is keep an eye out and address them firmly but politely if you see them approaching the skip again. “Sorry Melanie, I did say it was ok to chuck the small cupboard in the skip but we can’t take anything else, I’m afraid; we’ve got a lot of debris to get rid of!”

Unfortunately, skips are always a magnet for cfs….

I’d go round and ask them why they put additional items in your skip. You’d kindly agreed the small item, no one said anything about any chairs what are they doing in there?
Question them, they should be embarrassed for being so presumptuous. CF.

Depends on the size and how much the council charge. A big one would be more than that where I live.

Have to say £450 must be the amount for the large skip as we paid that last month for one and my parents currently have one for some building and get another on Thursday and that's also £450 but a different company to ours

You have a plan for this skip now but next time it is so much easier to bite the bullet when you catch them red handed. It's a bit awkward to explain you saw them do it but didn't say anything.

I would suggest giving the stuff back for now but saying you'll let them know if there is space when it's collection time, and let them use it for free then if so. But for now you need the space.

I suspect that if they contribute the minimal sum of £30, they'll just be emboldened to add even more to the skip.

The adult way of dealing with this would be to use your words and remind them that you agreed to let them pop the one item in.

If they're adding more stuff, it's going to cost them. Simple as that, ball in their court. No reasonable person would object.

If they don't want to pay, then you dump their shit out on their lawn 😅

Also bear in mind they might deny the stuff is theirs. I know you said you saw them, but they might just deny it was them or it’s their stuff.

I know you said you didn’t want a confrontation, but you could have just gone out there while they were dumping the stuff to show them I had seen them

This or ask them to contribute to costs

I think the best line to take in the interests of you having to live next to them for a long time is not to remove their extra stuff, but to make it clear there's no room for anything else. Ask them to dismantle the chairs and then say "And we need the rest of the space so please don't put anything else in".

It really is staggering how much people extrapolate from one -off permission to something being always OK because that's what suits them. Nip it in the bud now.

Why should DH do it? Why cant you do it yourself?

£30?? You two must be the softest people on the planet. You’re being mugged off.

Thanks for the comments. I know I’m a wimp, and not really for DH to sort. He was initially resistant but has just got on with dealing with it all now.

He went to speak to the neighbours and they said they thought it was ok to add more because the skip looked ready to be collected. It doesn’t because there’s still space at the moment. DH offered that they contribute (didn’t specify amount) or remove their items. Neighbour said they don’t think they want to pay, so DH said ok and left it at that.

I proved DH on what that means exactly, because NDN hasn’t taken the extra stuff out either. In my eyes this isn’t an improvement from yesterday. DH has agreed to leave it for now and will take out neighbour’s stuff and leave it neatly on the drive if they’ve not removed it themselves when the builders need to add more into the skip tomorrow.

DH still doesn’t really care that much, but now that he’s spoken to NDN he thinks he’ll look like an idiot if he lets them leave their stuff in without paying. Either way, replacement skip will be coming on Friday but DH has agreed that NDN adding to it will not be an option even if they decide to contribute.

Just to prove the point that they are piss takers, I'd also be removing the original thing that you had consented to them putting in. They took advantage and that's not ok. By removing everything and placing it back on their property, it shows you will not tolerate their piss taking.

This is pretty much my and DH thoughts combined.

Yeah, you’ve got to take their stuff out now. Don’t be a pushover op! You got this!!

You are now at stalemate when you were going to be getting a new skip anyway. So you're going to prevent them putting stuff in new skip, which would have been the best outcome in the first place. Shit yes but that's how people are - solid to anything anyone else considers cheeky.