NC with GM

[Unknownname86]

Hello

first time poster, just wanted some advice.
When I was a child my father’s mother was abusive to me and my sibling (DS). Verbal and physical abuse, and generally not a nice person. Early memories were being slapped around the face and being screamed at, and parents still sent me on ‘camping holidays’ with the promise that they will come and pick me up if I wanted to come home (obviously a load of rubbish seeing as the holidays were in Cornwall and we live in the north of England.

As I grew up she was awful , but not so much physically. She would say hurtful things such as ‘you’ll end up a single mother on benefits in a council house’, and ‘you’ve ruined your life’ when I had my son as a teenage parent - she tried to pay me £500 to have a termination and because I refused , she slapped me.

she’s a bitter old woman, and I’ve gone NC or minimal contact since then.

I gave birth to my son and was supported by my parents and went to college and university and got a degree as a nurse and social worker. My bitter grandmother apparently said that im not a proper nurse because I didn’t do general nursing (she’s an ex ward sister). I’m not bothered about this , but it just shows what kind of person she is.

I have been with my husband for 20 years and are very happy (haven’t had more children due to fertility issues despite IVF and currently on the waiting list for a hysterectomy in my 30’s due to severe endometriosis and adenomyosis).
If I had listened to her I would be childless, and wouldn’t have had my beautiful DS, who is amazing .

I feel like I have unresolved trauma , and possibly may benefit from counselling which I need to look into.

now the point of my post is, Grandmother is very old now and deteriorating in health at a fast pace. I’m really not sure if I should go to the funeral , just to support my dad. He knows that I don’t like her , and doesn’t ask me to go and see her anymore . She apparently told him to tell me if I don’t go and see her she will take me out of her will. I replied that I will donate any monies that she leaves me to the local dogs home as I don’t need her money .. I don’t think my dad passed this message on.

I did think of writing her a letter explaining why I haven’t been seeing her , but I’m sure she will play the victim.

AIBU for NC?

Thanks for your message. I’m in agreement with you , that my parents may have ignored the abuse (unsure as to why). Maybe this is why they aren’t forcing me to see her. I definitely am finding it difficult to forgive, hence why going no contact.

Ignore her, don't go to the funeral. I think your Dad was quite unkind to pass her poisonous message on.

You sound like such a lovely sister, your brother is so lucky to have you.

Thanks. I did think why did he pass this message on to me .. I wouldn’t have done this to my child . I doubt I will go to the funeral , I’ve nothing to lose as I don’t really see that side of the family , and it would be a farce sitting in a church hearing how nice of a person she is.
I appreciate all of your messages , it means a lot.

Thanks so much , that’s nice of you to say. I’d do the same for anyone if they needed help.