To think some people (me included) give off some sort of ‘I don’t matter’ vibe?

[Riverrunswild83]

I am pretty easy-going - or at least I like to come across that way - and I find that that often seems to mean people don’t think much of letting me down or treating me in ways they wouldn’t treat others possibly.

A recent example is that my best friend said she was organising a surprise for my birthday and we arranged a date for it in a few weeks time (she never told me what the surprise was). She hasn’t mentioned it since but has just said she has booked to go away the weekend we’d earmarked. I feel like it was just an easy and cost free way of dealing with my birthday with no real intent to do anything for it.

I have hundreds of examples of this over the years, I never say anything and just get on with it but it makes me feel sad. I also think maybe I’m just not worth making any effort for? I have examples from DH too - like for my 30th he just gave me £30 in a card. My proposal consisted of him saying ‘suppose we’d better go and look for a ring then.’

I pretend these things don’t matter but actually they do make me sad. I really try for other people on special occasions and generally in every day life I try not to let people down if I’ve made plans with them. I guess it just shows where I am in terms of where people value me? I don’t want / need loads of money spending on me - I’d just like some thought sometimes.

aibu to think this is how some people are treated vs those people who always seem to have loads of effort made for them?

I have a good friend who won't speak up for herself but when I asked her why she didn't say something when she feels she's been treated poorly, she said that when she has spoken up, her feelings were minimised or dismissed.
She is a really lovely person but gets used for various different reasons in friendships and relationships alike. She has only ever been in relationships with cocklodgers and its so frustrating that she can't see that by giving her all and not saying anything to people that treat her poorly, she's not encouraging them to treat her any better.
I have tried boosting her confidence and reminding her that she's a lovely person who deserves so much more, but she sees her value in what she can do for others, how she can be there for others and not how they might reciprocate at all. * *

I get what you mean, op.

You need to tell people.

e.g
When your friend mentions she’s away that weekend, say ‘I thought we were doing something for my birthday on that date!?’

When you fiancé ‘proposes’ like that you say, You need to get down on one knee 😊
£30 in a card? ‘This is low effort and it hurts me’

Speak up!

Wow how rude. Did she spend the weekend with another friend in London then?

I agree you just need to cut some people off or at least go low contact.

I think not speaking up when you're let down may give off a bit of an "I don't matter" vibe. But is it possible it's more of an "I'm not bothered" vibe? With the example in your OP - if you haven't mentioned the surprise since your friend suggested it it may be that you don't seem excited or happy about it and she's kind of back burnered it because who wants to force something like that.

I think it's pretty common now for ideas to be thrown around but for people not to think they're set in stone until closer to the time when more arrangements are made, etc. So you may just be being too reticent up front.

But a PP's point about it may just be you need better friends is also a possible.