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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriend not setting appropriate boundaries

37 replies

Tapp · 01/06/2025 14:53

My boyfriend (43) told me (37) that when he was at a christening a friend of his friend offered him a blowjob and he turned her down. We’ve been having issues around boundaries and I felt very triggered. I said is he still in touch with this woman and asked if he’s ever at a social gathering where she is to avoid her as best he can. He says I’m being insecure and he should be allowed to be friendly. I said that a woman who offers sexual favours at a CHRISTENING is walking red flag and that it would be humiliating to me if he didn’t show her that he was honouring his relationship by keeping his distance from her. I don’t understand why men use this “I’m being friendly, I don’t want to hurt her feelings” language when they’re so happy to hurt their partners feelings.

He did cheat on me last year (I know everyone will say this is a dealbreaker) but I’m asking even aside from him cheating, would you have a problem with him being so friendly with this woman. No one offers that out of the blue, surely there was a prior flirtation.

OP posts:
Cordroy · 01/06/2025 16:00

YANBU OP. This is teenage talk from the woman I mean I can’t believe anyone over 20 would offer such a thing

Reidwood · 01/06/2025 16:01

@TomatoSandwiches , let’s be honest, he s definitely not a man with morals, he sees OP as beneath him! He s out of order!

OhNoTheBridgeIsDown · 01/06/2025 16:04

Why on earth do some women put up with this bollocks? Too many seem desperate to be with a man that they put up with disrespectful and downright shitty behaviour.

He sounds like a dick. It’s your boundaries you need to be checking. Do better and dump him!

Buildingthefuture · 01/06/2025 16:11

Op, I know it’s hard when you are in the thick of things but stop for a minute and think. If some bloke had offered you oral sex on a night out, would your idiot partner expect you to a) fuck him off with immediate effect. Or b) say no but not really mean it and continue to be friendly?
You KNOW the answer to this. He’s a total wanker, with different rules for you and him. In to the bin he goes. Immediately.

FutureCatMum · 01/06/2025 16:30

Raise your standards and leave this waste of space. It’s only a matter of time before he cheats again, if he hasn’t already.

Catinthereallysmallhat · 01/06/2025 16:32

You are definitely being insecure op, totally normal for a woman to ask a man if he wants a blowjob at a family event. He’s only a man after all, he has needs. He’s allowed to be friendly stop being so controlling. He cheated on you once, stop throwing it back in his face…

🙄

DontTouchRoach · 01/06/2025 16:44

Oh FFS, of course nobody offered to suck his cock at a bloody christening. He just said it to humiliate you even further than he already has by cheating on you. Just dump him.

mondaytosunday · 01/06/2025 16:55

Who does that? ‘Hi Steve nice to meet you on this sacred occasion do you want a blow job’?
He’s full of bull and likes getting a reaction from you. This time I can confidently pull out that old chestnut: LTB.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 01/06/2025 16:56

Christ, there's no way she offered him a blowjob at a christening. He's lying to you to try and make you jealous.

Dump the twat OP.

Endofyear · 01/06/2025 20:00

The only boundary you need is to dump this dickhead!

Crudd99 · 01/06/2025 20:16

He sounds awful. Dump him and find someone nice.

Elsvieta · 01/06/2025 20:22

Boundaries are about things YOU are in charge of - your time / property / money / body etc. Trying to control who someone else socialises with or how isn't a boundary, it's just being controlling.

"I won't keep seeing a man who's cheated on me" is a boundary. And a perfectly reasonable one.

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