Me and my OH have been together nearly 15 years and have 2 beautiful children together. We've had quite a few ups and downs but have always tried to make it work but I feel we've hit a brick wall..
We both feel sorry for ourselves, feel things are never 'fair' and can never quite find that balance. We both worked then had children and I decided to stay at home due to the children and their medical problems and he went to work long hours. A few years ago he was made redundant and I took the opportunity to go to work and for us to have a better work/home life balance - i always wanted to go back to work but i couldnt work around his hours, too many hospital appointments and he would never consider another job. He's happy for me to go to work whilst the kids are at school but when I stay later than 3.30 he doesn't like it because that wasn't the agreement. I understand this but it isn't always straightforward. I work in a hospital, love my job and have quite a bit of responsibility and play a big role in regards to cancer diagnosis for patients. I feel I can't always leave when I'm supposed to and if I can help someone, I will.
I come home, make dinner every night, help in the morning, do housework, arrange day trips/holidays, always ensure I attend assemblies, sports day, school events etc. I'm far from absent in our kids life. He feels I take too much on at work and whilst I understand, sometimes I feel so torn.
We're not getting along recently and he said some really hurtful things about me as a person, a mum, a partner and hasn't so much as apologised, i can't just sweep it under the carpet this time. I've spent a month on the sofa because I feel so hurt and don't want to lie in bed next to someone that has grown to hate me. He hasn't asked me what's going on, just said I'm playing the victim.
He's a good dad and loves his children but as far as being a partner goes, it's not great. He can't communicate, never apologises and it's caused a huge strain on our relationship, we don't discuss things, we end up arguing.
I've been looking at moving out and said this to him and he said I'd be going alone, I'd never leave our children or walk out of their life but I also don't want them to grow up in a toxic, point scoring household.
I want to try and move out for a year, split custody of our children (the thought breaks me but i don't see any other option) and give each other space and time to see if this is really what we want or whether we can make it work. As far as now goes we aren't together and if things continue this way it'll just get messy.
Am I being unreasonable at looking at this as an option or being selfish? The thought of moving out terrifies me but so does staying in an unhappy relationship where our children are stuck in the middle. We currently don't work well together but I do have love for him. Imagine if I moved out, we gave each other space, learnt to work together well and realised we do actually want to be with each other? I also don't want to break up our family but I don't see any other way out - I also don't want to wait until the children move out, we split because there's nothing else holding us together and they feel like their childhood has been a lie!
I'm so confused!!!