To think this is a little bit cheeky?

[GoldfinchFeather]

Curious to get people's opinions on this.

So, I have a friend that I see every few months - I work full time, they were able to retire early and spend a lot of their time travelling with their partner etc.

I've not seen this friend since before Christmas owing to work and general busy-ness. We've exchanged a few messages, but I find keeping regular communication with people a bit of a chore - you don't need to constantly be in touch to still be friends, in my opinion.

Anyway, I sent a message a few days ago as I've got a week off work coming up this month, and just wondered whether they might be free for a catch up that week. I asked how they'd been and about a trip they'd been on - but received a fairly brief and what I felt like slightly off-hand response saying the trip had been good, they were really busy this month, and sorry but on their free days they just wanted a "rest".

No suggestion of when they might be up to having a catch up again (but reading through the lines didn't sound any time soon!) and they didn't ask how I'd been or anything like that.

I just acknowledged the message, and left it there. Anyway, now a couple of days later they've sent me a link before explaining that their partner is doing a sponsored physical challenge, and would I donate?

It's a good cause, and ordinarily I'd have no problem doing so. But I feel slightly put out by how they'd responded to me, and feel it's slightly cheeky of them to ask like that.

AIBU?

Donate if you want, but they've been rather off-hand with you. I'd ignore it and probably wait for her to contact you, assuming you want her to. She can text what she wants, of course, but to respond to your nice invitation with 'she'd rather do fuck all' is rude IMO

It sounds like the friendship has faded and you're just of use in a transactional way. They couldn't even be bothered to ask how you were doing in the last contact, but now they want money.

Send them a sorry I can't donate but 👍

She’s probably reciprocating your behaviour. Fair, no?

Your description of her message doesn’t sound off hand to me. She responded basically saying she wasnt available on the week you specified? From what you have written, sounds like you are creating drama where there is none.

Unless it’s dc I don’t do sponsoring for charity.
My dsil jumped out of a plane for charity and I couldn’t help but think that’s a bucket list event without paying ( and the first £300 goes to the company running the event).
My bil walked across 2 metres of Lego and I just thought seriously mate, at least walk 20 miles in wind and rain!
I would reply with ‘We give to our chosen charities by standing order and don’t sponsor adults.’
Or just ignore.

Just send a message saying “can’t wait to hear all about it…. When are we catching up?

You say yourself you find regular communication a "chore" - maybe she can sense that and doesn't feel like she wants to hang out as much.

But you said you don’t keep in contact? If I’d been her I’d have read your message as ‘I’m ready to see you now’ which I’m very guilty of as I work and have kids, but it must be a bit annoying for her. But then for charity you just share stuff to try to get help

I also agree with a previous poster that her message doesn’t seem particularly off. I would just take it at face value. It’s not like you have a relationship where you’re always going back and forth with the next get together booked as soon as the last is over. It sounds like you want to back burner the relationship when you have other stuff on but expect her to jump when you’re at a loose end.

I also don’t see what’s cheeky about her message, even if your interpretation of her message is accurate. It’s pretty standard to hit friends up, even if you’re not besties, for sponsorship like that. (Unless it’s a challenge where the sponsorship is really paying for a freebie holiday/expensive activity for the DH - they’re just inherently cheeky). You shouldn’t feel pressured to donate, but I can’t see why it’s bad form for her to have asked.

Before this interaction, ehen did you last hear from her?

it does sound a bit off to me but I can’t quite out my finger in why but it would rile me too!

You said you find texting a chore, so no doubt your friend knows this. They had got back from a trip so yes they would have been tired, it can thaw a while to recover from travelling. It seems a bit petty tbh.